What Could Have Been
by A Whisper Of Grace
Summary: A few years after the events in Neverland, a new spell has been created to finally send everybody home to the Enchanted Forest. Something goes awry, and this time it's up to Killian to break the curse.
1. Chapter 1

**What Could Have Been**

**Chapter One**

'Emma, love? Is everything all right?'

There was silence, then a shuffling sound. Killian rested his head on the bathroom door, his hand hovering over the door knob. She'd been in there for quite a long time now, and he hadn't missed it when Mary Margaret had disappeared inside as well. He'd learnt not to push between them when she and her mother were having a moment, but they were running out of time.

'Emma?' he asked again, closing his hand over the handle.

Before he could turn it there was a light click that told him it had been locked anyway, then the knob turned under his hand. The door opened quickly, but it was Mary Margaret who he saw first, standing in the doorway and blocking his view from most of the room. She looked at him, her expression oddly appraising.

He hadn't seen that look on her face since she'd realized that he was genuine in his courtship of her daughter, or perhaps when he'd told David and herself of his intention to make her his wife. He didn't have time to worry about what that meant now, however. He was sure that there was a reason why the two of them had been closeted away, and the fact that Emma was still hidden by the door was making him anxious.

'We don't have much time left, ladies,' he said slowly, frowning at Mary Margaret.

'I know. I can feel it.' Emma's voice came from further inside the bathroom, and he started to move forward before he restrained himself, knowing that bowling over his mother-in-law probably wasn't a good idea. Mary Margaret hesitated a moment before giving his arm a quick squeeze and stepping aside. He couldn't see Emma's face, only the reflection of her back in the bathroom mirror. He watched as her shoulders lifted and fell as she took a deep breath, then brought her hands to her face for a moment before she stepped out of sight of the mirror.

She stepped into the hallway and smiled up at him, but it was her blotched cheeks and red eyes that he noticed first. She had been _crying?_ Feeling a heaviness in his chest that seemed to be reserved for when she was upset, Killian stepped up to her, catching her upper arm with his hook and cupping her cheek with his hand. 'Emma,' he breathed, torn between wanting to watch her to make sure she was all right and wanting to kiss her face all over to make her feel better. All right, and to make him feel better from seeing her like this. He settled with a quick kiss to her forehead before he drew back to look at her. 'What is it? What's wrong?'

'Everything's fine,' she told him, covering his hand with hers. 'Everything's great,' she added with a small laugh, and he raised his eyebrow at her - if everything was so great, why was she crying? She must have assumed his unasked question. 'I'm just nervous,' she conceded, shrugging slightly. 'More than I thought I'd be. It's all going to be so different.'

He'd been expecting this. Emma had been working with Regina and Rumpelstiltskin to completely reverse the curse, and a few days ago they had finalized their plans. They were going home. Rumpelstiltskin had made the spell as he had the first one, but Regina and Emma were to cast it since they were the caster and breaker of the original curse.

Everyone had been at varying stages of stress, worry and excitement, including Emma, but he'd wondered when she'd realize just how much she was leaving behind.

'Aye.' Moving his hand from her face, he twisted it to hold hers and then twined their fingers together. Bending his head without taking his eyes from hers, he pressed his lips to the palm of her hand, the soft skin on the back of it, the ring that he'd given her. 'It will be different, but no matter what world we end up in we'll have each other, and Henry. You've helped to accustom me to your world, and now it's time for me to return the favour.'

Her eyes began to well up again and he started to wonder what part of that had been the wrong thing to say. But she was still smiling, that beautiful true smile that he had made his life's mission to keep on her face. 'I love you,' she told him warmly.

His lips twitched as he tried to suppress the grin that took him whenever she said those words to him. After a moment he gave up and let the smile spread across his face. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Emma pulled him down to her, pressing her lips softly against his.

He still couldn't quite believe how... easy the last few years had been for them. Since returning from Neverland, it hadn't taken him long at all to convince her that he was worthy of her time - his help in Neverland had told her that, or so she said. He'd lived on his ship for a few months, until Emma's parents had moved into a new place and he'd moved in with her. He'd never played house with a woman before, not like this, but he wasn't surprised at how much he really enjoyed it, even - or especially - when Henry stayed with them. The boy, now fifteen, spent his time equally with them, Regina and Neal, and he'd never met a lad who was happier with his lot in life than Henry.

When he'd sought David and Mary Margaret's permission to ask for Emma's hand, it had been purely as a courtesy. He'd also asked Henry, and it was his approval which he had truly needed. He'd told him that nothing would make him happier than having Captain Hook as a stepfather, and when Henry had stood beside him a few months ago on his wedding day, the two of them watching his Swan walk towards them with the biggest smile on her face, it had been the happiest day of his long, long life.

Smiling fondly at the memory, Killian returned Emma's kiss, parting her lips with his and deepening the kiss, settling his hand and hook on her waist.

When Emma broke the kiss it was with a sigh of contentment, but Killian was enjoying their closeness. He knew she was as well, and he also knew that if she was worrying so badly about their relocation that she was crying to Mary Margaret then she needed a minute or two of comfort. Not that she would admit that too freely. Wrapping his arms fully around her, he held her body against his, pecking a kiss to her neck before he tucked his chin over her shoulder. 'I love you too, darling,' he told her, happy to be able to take some of her tension away.

She did relax, her whole body loosening against his. They stood like that for a few minutes, the simpleness of the action giving him joy even after the years that they'd spent together. How was it possible for two people to fit together so perfectly?

And for someone to fit this well _with him_. He'd thought that there was no coming back from the kind of life that he'd led, but Emma and her family had proved him wrong. This was family. This was all he'd ever wanted, once he realised that it was what was missing.

A part of him was still worried, so he pulled back enough to see her. She definitely looked calmer, and the redness had faded from her cheeks, if not quite from her eyes. 'Are you sure that's all that's wrong?' he asked imploringly.

She tried to hide her face against him but he held her still. It looked like she was trying to scowl, but she couldn't quite cover the smile that was slipping out. 'Can you please take one day off from being able to read me so well?' she asked. He just raised an eyebrow at her, knowing how much that frustrated her. Eventually she huffed out a sigh. 'Why aren't you nervous about today? You've told me that this place is the closest you've ever felt to home.'

He chose not to press her since she was quite obviously changing the subject, and he knew that she'd tell him when she was ready. Chuckling lightly, he used his hook to brush her hair away from her face. She still didn't understand. 'Emma. Darling. Storybrooke isn't where my home is. You are.'

She just looked up at him, and he could read everything he needed to in her eyes. She did understand. It had taken her just as long as it had taken him to accept the fact that they could have happiness with another, that they _deserved_ it just as much as anybody else.

All of a sudden she seemed nervous, but she didn't pull away. 'There is actually something -'

'Mom!' Emma pulled back slightly as Henry popped his head in from the living room. 'Dad's back,' he said, giving them a loaded look.

Killian let her pull out of his embrace but kept her hand in his. She looked between him and Henry, biting her lip hesitantly. 'It can wait,' she said to him after a moment. 'We can talk later.'

Nodding, he followed her into the living room. She'd at least had a chance to talk to Mary Margaret about whatever was bothering her, and they'd have more time later. Neal's arrival was more important at the present.

Neal was talking with David and Tinkerbell by the front door, but turned to include them as they approached him. His face looked ashen, and Killian knew before he shook his head that he hadn't had any success.

Things hadn't been that perfect for everybody else recently.

Since last week, anyway. It had been better for Rumpelstiltskin and Belle than almost anybody else: they were happily married and expecting their first child in a few months time. Killian had been having lunch with Belle and Neal when the pains had started, and no one had been able to get in contact with Gold. Neal had gone to find him while Killian took Belle to the hospital, but by the time they had turned up, it had been too late. The baby had come quickly and Belle's body had hemorrhaged - the doctors hadn't been able to control it in time. By the time Neal and Gold had arrived at the hospital, it had been too late.

The baby, a little boy, had been so tiny. Too tiny, too young, too weak. He hadn't made it past his second day.

Gold hadn't been seen since then, over a week ago.

'Neither Blue or I have had any luck tracking him,' Tink said. She'd been helping Neal search since Regina and Emma were stockpiling their magic. 'He must know that we're trying to find him with magic, so he's being careful. He just doesn't want to be found.'

Emma put her hand on Neal's shoulder comfortingly. 'We'll find him in the Enchanted Forest. The spell will take everybody in Storybrooke, so he doesn't have to be here with us. Regina has his spell, so we don't need him to cast it. He might be able to cope better when he gets there.'

Neal's frown only deepened. 'What if he's not _in _Storybrooke anymore? What if he wanted to forget, so he crossed the town line?'

'The dwarves are watching the town line,' Killian reminded him. He'd thought it through enough to know that it could be an option for Gold to cross the town line willingly, to forget. If Killian had had that option all those years ago, he honestly couldn't say what his decision would have been.

Neal's eyes met his and he nodded in acknowledgement, then slowly started to relax. Huffing out a sigh, he ran his hand through his hair. 'You're right. There's nothing more we can do, not until we get home.'

'Speaking of, we're out of time.' Regina stood up from the couch and went to stand by the breakfast bar, gesturing for them to follow.

He heard Emma's breath catch slightly from beside him and he drew her aside for a moment, pressing his lips to her forehead. 'Have faith in yourself, love,' he told her, keeping his voice low for a measure of privacy. 'I do.'

She straightened her shoulders, and rolled her eyes at him. 'Thanks for the pep talk,' she said dryly, but he could see the thank you in her eyes. Squeezing her arm, he pushed her gently toward Regina before moving to stand next to David and Mary Margaret.

'Excited, mate?' David asked him, wrapping his arm around his wife. For all of the barb in the word, there was warmth there too. He'd found a good friend in the prince since their return from Neverland.

'Yes, well.' Rubbing the back of his neck, he kept a close eye on Emma as she stood by Regina, the two of them placing their hands on the parchment that bore the spell to send them home, directing their magic into the ink and paper. 'I don't really have that many very fond memories of that place.'

'You didn't have fond memories of this world, either, until you and Emma were together,' Mary Margaret reminded him. 'You just knew the wrong people. This time will be better.'

He hadn't forgotten that strange look in her eye earlier, but now was not the time to pursue it. 'I hope so.'

He hadn't taken his eyes from Emma, so he noticed when the set of her shoulders started to tighten. He couldn't see her face clearly, but she looked like she was frowning. After a few seconds her hands started to shake. 'Regina?' she asked hesitantly.

'Something's wrong,' Regina confirmed. As she spoke, the ground beneath them started to tremble, and Killian had to grab onto the bench to keep himself upright. The empty fruit bowl on the counter fell to the ground and he heard a crash as that and other unseen objects fell and broke. As quickly as it started it stopped again, and he glanced around to check on Henry - he stood beside Neal, his father's hand on his shoulder - before he approached Emma. She was still focusing on the parchment and he was hesitant to touch her and break her concentration, but he needed to be close to her just in case. Her cheeks were red again and her brow was furrowed, and she looked equal parts confused and scared.

'What's happening?' he asked loudly, directing his question at Regina since Emma's focus on the spell was required more than the queen's. Regina looked up from the parchment, and the expression on her face chilled him to the bone.

'The spell isn't working like it should,' she said, looking around to make sure everybody heard her. 'Something's not right, but it's too late to fix it. It's still going to take us there, but I can't say what we'll find when we get there. It's not just a spell anymore... It's another curse.'

The silence that filled the room was broken when the ground started to move again. Killian felt a hand grabbing him and wrapped an arm around Tink to help her steady herself. 'How could it have changed?' she yelled over the sound of things crashing around the room.

'It's never happened before,' Regina yelled back.

The room stopped moving, but Killian didn't feel any more settled. Out of the corner of his eye he saw David helping Mary Margaret up from the ground, and Neal and Henry moving closer to them, but he couldn't take his eyes from Emma. She'd barely moved her attention from the spell - curse - but he knew that she was listening to them. 'Can we stop it?' he asked.

Regina looked quickly between him and the parchment, trying to focus on the curse and the conversation at the same time. 'The magic is flowing too strongly in me, and even more so through Emma. If we stop it now, it will kill us both.'

'No!'

Henry started to jump forward, the look on his face so _utterly painful_ but Neal tightened his grip on him and held him back. 'That's not going to happen,' he said. 'What can we do?'

The silence was deafening as they each held their breath, waiting and hoping for some way out. Killian knew better than to hope too strongly for a solution that wouldn't have consequences when it came to magic, and this magic was about the strongest that had been attempted since the original curse.

'We need a way to break the curse,' Regina said finally.

'A saviour. I'll do it,' Mary Margaret said with conviction.

_It couldn't be that easy._ 'It has to be one who wasn't cursed originally,' Regina said, proving his thought correct. 'I can build the power to break the curse into the spell for only one, and I have enough magic to spare another, so they needn't be alone this time.' _Like Emma had been._

A heaviness settled over Killian as he understood Regina's words. Looking around, he found Neal and Tink staring back at him and at each other, their eyes wide. It would have to be one of them. It didn't even occur to him to consider Henry, and he knew that it wouldn't be an option for anybody else either.

'I'll do it,' Neal said, stepping forward.

Regina turned to face them fully but kept one hand reaching back to the parchment. Every few seconds her face distorted and a shudder passed through her, and he hated to think of what the magic was doing to her and Emma. 'It won't be enough,' Regina told Neal, her expression reluctant but sure. 'You don't have what is needed.' Her eyes moved to look at Killian, and he knew what needed to be done.

'No.' Emma spoke for the first time since she'd discovered the fault in the curse, and with her distraction the earth started to move again. 'You can't.'

But he could, and he had to. There was only one sure way to break any curse, and neither Neal nor Tinkerbell had the type of connection with the product of true love that he did. Hopefully their love was true enough to break this curse, whatever it was. 'I love you, Emma,' he said simply, knowing that she'd understand just why he had to do this, why it had to be him.

There was silence again for a few seconds. Killian nodded to Regina, who tilted her head in acknowledgement.

'I'll do it with you,' David said, stepping forward. Mary Margaret clutched at his arm, a look of horror passing across her face.

'No you won't,' Killian said, reluctantly stepped away from Emma to approach her parents. 'You can't leave her alone again,' he said quietly. 'Not if this is anything like the last curse. She will need you.'

'She'll need _you_,' David whispered harshly.

'Then you'll just have to look after her for me until I can break this damned thing,' he replied, trying and failing to make himself sound cheerful. After a moment David's hand clapped on his shoulder and Killian turned back to the rest of the group.

'We don't have much time,' Regina said.

It was true. The last time that the ground had started trembling it hadn't entirely stopped, and it looked like a hurricane was tearing through the town from what he could see through the window. He moved to stand beside Regina and Emma, wanting nothing more than to reach out and touch her, but afraid of what could happen. If he broke her concentration too much and the spell failed... He restrained himself but it was so difficult, with tears pouring unchecked down her cheeks.

There was someone else standing beside him and he turned partially to find Tink looking over his shoulder. 'I'll go with you,' she said quietly, and he just nodded, taking her hand.

Regina put hers on his shoulder, leaving the other on the parchment. Emma's hand curled over Regina's other hand tightly, and he was jealous of that small measure of comfort that somebody else could give her. He couldn't tell anymore whether they were shaking because of the ground moving, or whether it was the fear or the magic affecting them.

'Find us, Captain,' Regina said softly, before both of her hands started to glow as she poured all of her magic both into the spell and into him.

And he was falling, falling, crumpling to the ground in a heap as pain spilled through his body. He felt a hand clutching his tightly as his head hit the ground hard, making it spin. He heard cries from above him, around him, but couldn't place any of the voices. A shout of his name that sounded awfully like Emma, but it sounded muffled, gurgled, like she was speaking from underwater. Or maybe that was caused by the cloudiness in his head.

He tried to move but couldn't. He couldn't really feel much at all anymore. Just the hand in his, and the ground beneath him, which suddenly felt more like grass than floorboards...

**AN: A new story! This has more of a plot than any of the CS fics I've written yet. The first few chapters will be from Killian's point of view, but from then it'll be from both Emma's and Killian's. We won't find out exactly what the curse entails until we see Emma's POV.**

**The idea is partially inspired by some of the spoilers for the second half of S3, but I'm only using the idea of one thing (which will become apparent in a few chapters.)**

**This also mostly came from the idea of "What if the epilogue for All Over You had ended differently?" Basically, my mind went "well it's all well and good to have a happy ending for this story", but I did kinda start thinking of what could have happened if things had not turned out quite so well... Having said that, this is in no way connected to All Over You. I may have stolen a few ideas from myself for this first chapter, but that's as far as the similarities will go.**

**Review?**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Okay let me just start by saying that there is no way that updates will normally be this regular. I just had a lot of time tonight and I have lots of ideas at the moment. Also, someone said in a review "how fast can you get up chapter 2?" and I may have taken that as a challenge :D.**

**I'm pretty excited by the amount of follows/reviews etc I got for the first chapter in less than 24 hours. I hope you guys like this one too.**

**Chapter Two**

Killian woke slowly. The first thing he noticed was a steady beeping sound, the only thing he could hear. Soon after came the strong smell of disinfectant. Bloody hell, what the hell had Emma been cleaning with? He tried to ignore the smell, to burrow deeper into the blankets, but the bed just didn't feel right. He reached over for Emma but instead of her warm body, or even empty sheets, his hand felt the edge of a bed that he realized was not his own. _Where the hell am I?_

The memory hit him all at once and he felt like he'd had the breath knocked out of him. Opening his eyes, he sucked in air desperately, intending on figuring out where he was and how to get to Emma, but the brightness of the room made him flinch and squeeze his eyes shut again. Struggling to sit up, he forced them open the barest amount, trying to see anything he could.

Everything was so white and bright, and it took him a few minutes before he could open his eyes fully and actually take in his surroundings.

He was sitting in a narrow bed in a small room that looked similar to the hospital in Storybrooke. He could see no sign of Tink so he figured that he must have been there for a while, and he was immediately wary of any time that had passed being too much. How long had it been - days?

He tried to get out of the bed but found that his body wasn't responding quite as well as it should. As he moved he felt a discomfort at his elbow and looked down to see a needle piercing his skin, attached to a few tubes. He knew what an IV was, but didn't hesitate to pull it out. There was a plastic _something_ stuck on one of his fingers and other things stuck to his skin, and he tore those off too. He didn't have time to worry about why he was in the hospital, he just needed to find Tink.

It took more effort than he'd like to admit to stand up, and he leaned backward to rest his hand on the bed for support. It wasn't until then that he noticed that his hook was missing, along with the brace that normally held it in place. _Bloody doctors._

Intent on finding his hook and clothes, he only made it a few steps across the room to the cupboards before he heard footsteps racing outside and the door flung open. Two people in those badly fitting, coloured clothes came through the door and stopped when they saw him, but he ignored the shocked looks on their faces. 'Where have you put my belongings?' he asked them, gesturing to the thin blue garment that they'd put him in. He grimaced at the hoarseness of his voice.

They didn't answer him, but his words seemed to bring them out of their surprise. One of them darted out of the room as the other walked quickly up to him. 'You should sit down, Mr Jones. Your body won't be the strongest right now.'

Unfortunately she was right, and had no difficulty in pushing him back to sit on the bed. He didn't have time for this, and told her so, feeling a mix of anger and panic starting to build inside him. He had to find Emma. 'I'll be fine,' he said, trying not to lose his patience or his temper. 'Just give me my belongings and I'll be on my way.'

The woman ignored him, pushing him back to sit against the pillows. She reattached some of the devices to him and then pulled something out of her pocket. Forcing his eyelids open, she shined a light into his eye. 'Look here,' she instructed.

As if the room wasn't bright enough already. 'Bloody hell,' he muttered, trying to push her away, but she just moved his hand away and brought out another device.

She spent a good few minutes poking and prodding him, ignoring his protests. 'Do you know where you are, Mr Jones?'

'A rather fancy library,' he snapped, scowling.

She ignored his sarcasm - apparently the doctor was quite adept at ignoring the people that she was supposed to be caring for. 'Can you tell me your full name and date of birth?'

He answered the first part automatically, but hesitated on the second. He didn't know where he was besides in a hospital, and he'd found out that this world was rather particular when it came to identity. He'd been alive for so long that he didn't quite remember anymore, so he'd just celebrated with Emma at her insistence.

The woman was starting to frown at him, looking more worried than irritated like she had before, so he decided to just go with that. He opened his mouth to tell her Emma's birthday but before he could the door to his room opened again and the other doctor came in, followed by -

'Tink!' He pushed the doctor away and leaned forward in the bed, managing to keep the woman away from him for a few seconds. The doctor that had come in with Tink moved to the other side of the bed and was looking at the numbers on the machine that was making that annoying beeping sound, but he barely paid him attention. 'Will you tell them to get me my things so I can get out of here? My clothes and my -'

'Can we have a moment?' Tink asked the doctors quietly, interrupting him. Feeling a warning in her tone, he paused and actually looked at her properly. She looked tired, older, with lines around her eyes that hadn't been there before. Just what had happened in these last few days to make her look so worn?

The doctors must have heard something in her voice too, because to his surprise they actually stepped back, giving him some space for the first time since they'd found him awake. 'Just a few minutes,' the first one said after a moment, nodding first to her colleague and then to Tink before the two of them left the room, closing the door quietly behind them.

Tink's head had turned to follow the doctors' departure and when they left she turned back to him, but her eyes stayed on the ground. 'Tink?' The sense of alarm inside him only increased when she shuffled awkwardly. 'Tinkerbell,' he said warningly.

'You should call me Tina while we're here,' she said softly, squeezing her hands together in front of her. 'Tink isn't really a name that people here respond well to.'

He started to push back up off the bed but she jumped forward, putting both hands on his shoulders and holding him to the bed. He let her, but grabbed onto her arm to stop her from drawing away again. 'Why won't you look at me?' he asked slowly.

Eventually she did, and he almost wished that she hadn't. She looked... damaged. And scared. 'How much do you remember?' she asked carefully.

He remembered it all too clearly. 'I -' The scratching of his dry throat made the words catch and he coughed hard. Tink pulled away and grabbed a bottle of water from her bag, which he accepted gratefully. 'Thank you,' he said after a few long mouthfuls. 'I remember everything. Regina was trying to alter the curse so that the two of us were unaffected and so that I could break it.'

'Well the first part worked, at least.' He shuffled over as far as he could in the bed, and after a moment she perched herself on the edge of the mattress. 'The force of Regina's spell knocked you out, and a few seconds later the curse took them all away. They all just... disappeared into thin air.' Her face was carefully expressionless. 'Not only the people, but the whole town. It was as if it had never existed at all. But you and I were still there.'

There was something there in her eyes, something that she wasn't quite telling him. 'How did we get here? Where is this place?'

She was silent for a few more seconds. Looking down at her hands again, she turned them over slowly in her lap. 'After everything was gone, I waited with you for a little while, hoping that you'd wake up. You didn't, no matter what I tried. I figured I'd have to get you to a hospital but I couldn't just leave you. I didn't know if any remnants from Belle's cloaking spell would still hold, and I couldn't risk leaving Storybrooke - where Storybrooke had been - without knowing if I'd be able to find my way back to you.'

Suddenly she stood up. 'Come on, you should try walking around for a bit. Make your body get used to moving again.' She looked away from him again as she helped him to his feet.

Killian started to walk around the small room awkwardly, ignoring the loaded way that Tink was watching him. 'Why is my body so weak?' he asked. Surely his muscles hadn't suffered so badly after a bit of time in a bed.

'Um, I'm getting to that.' She sat on his bed in the spot he'd just vacated, crossing her legs in front of her. 'Speaking of your body. You're bloody heavy, by the way.'

He stopped and stared at her, feeling a sense of confusion and gratitude flare in amongst the dread that had turned into a low ache in his gut. 'You carried me?' he asked flatly.

'Keep moving,' she instructed him. 'And yes, I did, okay? Until we reached a road, anyway, and then I had to wait until someone drove past and got us to the hospital, because I just couldn't go any further.'

She sounded defensive, as if her efforts hadn't been enough. He turned and walked back across the room toward her. 'Tink.' She looked up at him almost reluctantly, and he tried for a small smile. 'Thank you.'

Her sad smile mirrored his own, and after a moment he sat back down beside her. Not because his legs were shaking, no, not at all. 'There's something that you're not telling me,' he said pointedly, giving voice to the thought that had been bothering him since he'd first properly looked at her. There was something that she'd been holding back from the start and the sooner that she got it out, the sooner they could start trying to find a way to get to Emma and everyone else. If they'd gone to the Enchanted Forest and Killian and Tink had been left in the world without magic, they were going to have a difficult task of trying to find a way to get to them. They _would_ find a way, he knew it, but the sooner that they could get started, the sooner the curse could be broken.

She started to withdraw from him but he grabbed her arm lightly and held her so that she couldn't pull away. Which reminded him to ask about his hook, but he knew he had to get this out of her. 'Tink, please.'

She sighed heavily then sat up a little straighter, as if it was a struggle. 'How long do you think you've been in here?'

That pit in his stomach grew a little larger and he frowned. 'I'd assumed a few days. Has it been longer? Weeks?' He made to stand up again but this time she grabbed his arm, this time holding him on the bed. 'If it's been that long then we need to start trying to...'

He trailed off at the ashen look on her face. Emotions raced through his head, thoughts that he didn't want to put a name to but knew that he had to. 'It's been longer than weeks, hasn't it? Tink?' She didn't answer him, didn't look at him, so he reached for her again, grabbing her chin in his hand and forcing her to look up at him. '_How long has it been?_'

She fought him, trying to pull away, but his desperation had suddenly taken a stronger turn and he couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't let her hold anything back, no matter how much he knew it would hurt. He didn't even notice how tightly he was holding her until both of her hands grabbed his forearm, her nails digging into his skin. 'Killian,' she pleaded, and he let her go, pushing himself off the bed and storming across the room.

He hadn't wanted to hurt her, but he didn't feel very in control of himself right now. He just needed space, but mostly he needed Emma. 'How long, Tinkerbell?'

He turned back to her just in time to see her look up at him, and the hollowness in his centre opened up and swallowed him before she even spoke. 'Three and a half years,' she whispered.

His chest constricted and his legs felt suddenly unstable, but he knew it had nothing to do with the state that his body was apparently in. Stepping carefully, he sank into the chair beside his bed. 'Three years,' he breathed, rubbing his hand across his face as if he could rub away the truth. 'They've been in the Enchanted Forest, stuck in whatever curse that was inflicted, for _three years?_'

'They might not be in any danger,' Tink pointed out quickly, moving to the edge of the bed so that her legs hung over the side. She leaned forward toward him, elbows on her knees. 'They weren't with the original curse, not really. Time might not even be moving for them. You can't be worrying about how bad it is for them when you don't know.'

'It's not about how bad it is for them!' It certainly mattered, but it wasn't what he was worried about right then. 'There's nothing that I can do to change how bad it is for them, but I _am _supposed to be there to break it! But instead of trying to figure out how to get there in the first place, let alone break the bloody thing, I've been _asleep._'

'You've been in a coma,' she snapped. 'There's a difference. I thought you were dead, Killian! By the time I got you to the hospital you were barely breathing, and for a while they couldn't find a pulse, not even with the machines that they have here that can tell practically _anything_. Eventually they did, but your vitals were so weak that they've never thought that you'd pull out of it. _I_ was starting to think that you wouldn't come out of it.' Her voice caught, but she continued with barely a pause. 'At first I thought that Regina had kept you out of the way on purpose, but I honestly don't think she'd do something like that anymore. She didn't want to be cursed just as much as anyone else. I think that the magic that she used to write your part into the curse was too much for your body to handle.'

He nodded slowly, barely hearing her words. What she said made sense, and she'd apparently had a lot more time to consider it than he had, but it didn't make the reality of it feel any less wrong. Glancing up, he noticed that she was trembling a little, and went to sit back on the bed next to her. 'Please tell me there's at least some good news,' he asked her.

Tink cleared her throat and wiped at the skin under her eyes, taking a deep breath. 'There is. I have a way for us to follow them. I hid it where Storybrooke used to be after I figured out that I'd be able to find it again. As soon as you get some strength back, we can get to the Enchanted Forest.'

Groaning loudly, Killian squeezed his eyes shut threw his head back in frustration, wishing he had something nearby to bang it against. 'That's the type of information that you should probably have led with, love.'

'Yeah, well, there's rather a lot to catch you up on,' she told him dryly.

Which was true, but it didn't change the fact that this changed things for them drastically. 'There's no more waiting, at least,' he said, grateful that at least one thing was working in his favour. 'I thought we'd still have to spend months, or who knows how long, looking for a way there. We can go now. I'm not waiting on anything else.'

'That's all well and good, Killian, but you need to think further than just getting to the Enchanted Forest,' Tink pointed out, crossing her arms over her chest. 'I have a car that can get us to my hiding place, but once we go through the portal we're not going to have cars to get us around.'

'I'll be fine,' he growled at her. He wasn't going to wait any longer, not now that he'd found out how long Emma and her family had been held by the curse. Especially not if it was his weak body that was holding them back.

Tink just looked back at him, eyebrows raised. 'All right,' she said, voice suddenly flippant. 'If you can walk down the hallway and back without falling over, we can go now.'

He glared at her, knowing better than to call her bluff. 'I just don't want to leave them for any longer than I have to,' he said after a moment, his body slumping as the fight went out of him.

'You'll be no use to them if I have to carry you, because trust me, I'm not going to be able to get us very far.' She smiled at him faintly. 'I'm really glad you're awake, Killian,' she told him quietly.

The relief in her voice comforted him marginally. He hadn't even considered what she must have been through while he had been in his coma, but he was suddenly glad that he didn't have to do this alone. Whatever they found when they got to the Enchanted Forest, at least he'd have somebody by his side to face it with. 'Thank you, Tink,' he said, hoping she knew that he meant it for more than just her sentiment. She just nodded.

The sound of the door opening made them both look up, and Tink moved from the bed to the chair as the two doctors entered the room. 'How long before I can leave?' Killian asked them as they approached him.

'Let's just run a few tests and we'll see.'

Tink's reassuring smile did not even come close to making him feel better.

**AN: I'd like to point out that I have absolutely zero medical knowledge so if things are vague it's on purpose, and if things are wrong, just pretend they aren't? That works for me.**

**Review?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Tink pulled the car to a slow stop on the edge of the road, coming as close to the trees as she could. 'That's the marker I made,' she said, pointing toward a large pile of rocks leaning against an upturned tree. 'We'll have to walk the rest of the way but it's not too far, a mile or so due west of here. I can't get the car any closer.' She turned in the seat to look at Killian apologetically. 'Sorry.'

'It's fine,' he said, unclipping his seat belt and opening the door. 'We've wasted enough time, let's just keep moving.'

He was out of the car and heading west before she could say anything. Unfortunately she caught up before he could get very far. 'Hey, I don't have time for your brooding,' she said, falling into step beside him. 'We haven't wasted time, we've made sure that you're capable of surviving. There won't be cars in the Enchanted Forest, remember?'

'I've survived long enough without them before,' he said shortly, trying to ignore her and keep his eyes on the ground where he walked.

'Yeah, but how many times have you been unconscious for this long, huh? It's a miracle that you're as well as you are.'

As true as that was, he resented every spare second that they wasted, especially knowing how much time had passed since the curse had taken Emma and the others. He knew that it wasn't his fault, or probably anyone's, but the idea of Emma and Henry stuck in an unknown curse without him chilled him to the bone. He'd wanted to leave the hospital the day he'd woken, but the doctors hadn't allowed it. When Tink had sided with them he'd reluctantly stopped arguing with them, knowing it would be fruitless, but he spent as much time on his feet and walking around as possible, just to prove that he could.

And just like his slumber, his recovery was rather unnatural too. He figured that it was a result of the magic that had wrecked his body since a normal body would take weeks to recover from the loss of mobility and muscle tone, but the hospital staff had reluctantly deemed him in reasonable health after only few days. They'd wanted him to stay longer, to conduct more tests to find the reason for his coma and his quick recovery, but he'd been out the door the moment the discharge papers were signed, worried that they'd change their minds.

'How did you find a way to make a portal here, anyway?' he asked, breaking the silence between them.

She didn't answer him straight away, probably annoyed with him for snapping at her. 'I didn't look, at first,' she told him eventually. 'When I first took you to the hospital I was too scared to go too far in case you... got worse. And I had to pay for your hospital bill so I got a few jobs. Nothing important,' she said quickly before he could ask. She moved forward so she was walking in front of him, leading the way, and now he couldn't see her face. Was she hiding something from him? 'When I had enough money to cover your bills for a few months I started to look around and ask some questions. A few leads turned out to be duds, but after searching for a few years I found a family of witches in the south who came here a long time ago. They had a bean. They wanted to sell it for a favour.'

'What was the favour?' he asked the back of her head, wondering if this was what she seemed to be avoiding.

She looked over her shoulder at him, smirking. 'They haven't called it in yet. Bad luck for them, right?'

He snorted. 'Classy work, love. And you didn't think they'd come after you?'

'Kinda hard now when I've got their bean.'

After a few minutes they came across a small hut and Tink led the way up to the door, opening it and gesturing for him to come inside. There was only one tiny room and Killian looked around quickly, taking in the pile of blankets in the corner and the couple of canvas bags that were piled next to the wall. His brow furrowed as Tink moved to the corner of the room, pulling up a floorboard and starting to dig into the dirt beneath with her hands.

'Tink,' he started slowly.

'Just don't, okay?' she said quietly, not looking up from what she was doing.

'Tink, do you live here?' he asked, not quite believing it, but the blankets told him almost enough. Walking to the other side of the hut, he peered into a few of the open bags, finding tins of food and clothing in a few of them. 'Tinkerbell...'

'It doesn't matter.' Straightening up, she pushed a black bag into his hands. 'There's the bean and your hook. Let's just go.'

'Wait a minute.'

'I thought you were in a hurry,' she snapped at him. She tried to move past him to go back outside but he tucked the bag under his arm and grabbed her elbow, pulling her to stand in front of him.

'We have time for this,' he insisted, dropping the bag onto the blankets. 'Why have you been living out here? I thought you said you've had work, why not rent a place?'

'Because my pay checks barely covered your hospital bills,' she said exasperatedly, finally looking at him. 'I was working three jobs at one point and still hunting after a way to make a portal, and I didn't have any money to spare for rent. Especially not a regular payment or anything like that. This place must have been here before the curse brought them here, otherwise it would have disappeared with them, but it's enough, all right?'

'Bloody hell, Tink, it's not even weatherproof,' he said, gesturing up to the gaps in the roof and in the walls. A clear plastic sheet covered the single window, held on by duct tape. 'At least tell me you paid for somewhere to stay in the winter.'

Her silence was answer enough and he turned away from her, cursing. 'Hey, I managed,' she said, darting around him to stand in his way. 'If it got too bad I found a shelter in the city to stay in. And I've kept myself fed. I managed.'

Killian frowned down at her, his stomach twisting painfully. He hadn't even spared a thought to what kind of life she'd been living during the last few years. She'd sacrificed a proper bed in order to ensure his care, and he was sure that she was stretching the truth about keeping herself fed. 'This hasn't been easy for you, has it?' he asked quietly.

Surprising him with a laugh, she smiled up at him sadly. 'We both know I've had worse.'

He didn't need to ask. _Neverland._

'That doesn't make it better.' She shrugged noncommittally and he sighed, bending to pick up the bag she'd given him earlier. Breaking the heavy tape that held it closed, he pulled out first his brace and then his hook, followed by a small pouch which he assumed held the bean. 'Thank you for keeping this for me,' he said to her, pulling off his shirt so that he could settle the brace over his wrist and the straps around his shoulder. It fit as well as it always had but his skin wasn't as rough as it had been last week. _Not last week_, he reminded himself, adjusting the buckles to tighten them slightly. He hoped that it wouldn't be painful when the leather started to rub.

'It's fine,' she said, eyes on the ground as he pulled his shirt back over his head and clicked the hook into place. He couldn't help the sigh of satisfaction when he tugged on it firmly, testing it. He hadn't felt like himself without it.

'Why didn't you leave as soon as you got the bean?' he asked her, turning to face her squarely as soon as he was reassembled. It was something that had been bothering him since he'd first seen the inside of the hut and come to the conclusion that she'd been living here, with barely four walls and a roof. 'You could have gone anywhere. You could have gone home.'

'And what, been alone?' Tink crossed her arms and leant against the door frame. 'Sure, we don't know exactly what the curse that took them did, but Regina was scared for it so it can't have been good. And if I just left you behind there would have been no way to break it, so I couldn't really do that, could I?'

'Some people would have,' he said softly, wondering if he'd have had the strength to wait like she had, with no knowledge of if or when he'd wake up.

'Yeah well I didn't, okay?' She stared at him challengingly for a few seconds before she dropped her gaze to the floor in front of her feet. 'I did think about leaving town,' she said reluctantly. 'For good, I mean, not just for finding the bean. You were asleep for so long, and I figured... I guess I figured that you might be able to do it without me. Maybe I could start a life somewhere and not live in a crappy cabin in the middle of the woods. I'd left a contact number with the hospital to call me when you woke up, and I thought about leaving until I got a call. And... And I thought about ditching that phone and trying to forget all about you.

'But I didn't.' Looking up at him with a new determination on her face, she opened the pouch and tipped the bean into her palm. 'I couldn't leave you, not after everything we went through in Neverland together. Both times. You and your family got me off that island, and you helped me to get my wings back, even if I haven't been able to use magic since Storybrooke vanished.' When she stepped toward him he could see a glistening to her eyes that belied her outward resolve. 'I haven't had a family for a very, very long time, Killian, and I couldn't leave you, not after you made me a part of yours.'

Her lip trembled slightly and he threw away the pretense of not noticing her distress. Closing the distance between them, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, letting hers go around his waist. 'I'm sorry for how you've had to live,' he told her quietly, pressing his cheek against her hair. 'I'm sorry that you've been alone for so long. Thank you for staying with me, Tinkerbell. If you remember rightly, I never thought to have a family quite like this either,' he said, tightening his arms before letting go. 'And now I don't know what I'd do without them. So let's go find our family.'

He felt her take a deep breath and then she pushed away, dragging her fingers under her eyes before offering him a smile. 'Yeah, well. Someone's got to help you save the saviour, right?' The smile wavered when she looked down at her hand. 'How many portals have you been through?' she asked warily.

He eyed the bean with the same unease. 'Three. Twice to Neverland and once back. The other times my journey was assisted with the Pegasus feathers. You?'

'Never.' Her voice was barely above a whisper. 'Pan's shadow took me to Neverland, and your ship brought me here.' She took a deep breath and steadied herself. 'I know that we need to think about the place that we need to get to.'

'But what if the curse has changed the Enchanted Forest?' he wondered aloud, scratching at his jaw thoughtfully.

Tink was silent for a moment. 'Then I suppose we have to think about the people we're trying to get to. You should think of Emma and Henry. Your love for them is strong enough.'

A hell of a lot was riding on the hope that his love was strong enough. If it wasn't, then he had no idea what love could be because he didn't believe it was possible to care more for someone than he did for Emma. And he'd taken to the lad rather quickly as well, developing a fast respect for him. 'And who will you think about?'

He expected maybe Regina - he knew they'd been friends before in the Enchanted Forest and Tink seemed closer to her now, more than anyone. But Tink hesitated, closing her fingers around the bean and bringing it up to her chest. She glanced away, then met his eyes carefully. 'Neal.'

He blinked at her, eyebrows raising. 'Neal?' he asked, confused.

'Shut up, you can give me shit about it later,' she snapped defensively. 'And you can't talk anyway, _Captain Hook, _married to a princess.'

He didn't know what expression was on his face but she was scowling at him something fierce so he made an effort to smooth his features. 'I'm not laughing at you,' he told her honestly, spreading his arms. 'I'm just surprised. I didn't know that you felt that way about him.' She clearly felt more for him than just the friendship he'd assumed, else she wouldn't be reacting this way to him finding out. Although he wasn't quite sure why she was acting so defensive anyway. 'Does Neal know?'

'Yes. Well, kind of.' She shifted uncomfortably. 'We were still getting to that bit. I don't know if he wanted anything more than something casual, but I do.'

He smiled at her sadly, hearing something in her words that he was sure she hadn't intended, but it touched him anyway. 'And you still waited for me,' he said. _What have I done to deserve friendship like this?_

She sighed heavily. 'Yeah, I guess I did. Now can we please just go to them?'

Killian led the way outside - the portal could end up being bigger than Tink's hut and he didn't want the walls falling in on them. He held his breath as she tossed the bean and a swirling vortex opened up in front of them. He'd had complete faith in Emma's magic and so had found no reason to worry about the spell that was to take them home, but this was different. Portals could be unpredictable, and it was only their will that would determine where they ended up.

A wind sprung up where there had been none before as the portal tried to suck whatever it could into it, but Killian planted his feet firmly in the grass, determined to go through it on his own terms. Reaching for Tink, he grabbed her hand, and the tightness with which she squeezed it back made him feel a bit calmer. No matter where he ended up, he wouldn't be alone.

'To Emma,' he muttered, pushing his breath out and trying to steady himself. 'And to Henry.'

'To Neal,' he thought he heard Tink say over the sound of the wind. Turning his head, they exchanged a long, hard look before he nodded. After a moment, she did too.

As one, they jumped.

**AN: Thank you to everybody who's followed/favourtied/reviewed this so far! I appreciate all of it, I promise you :)**

**There's just one more chapter left before we see Emma's POV for the first time, and then we'll find out the main parts of the curse. I hope that you're enjoying Killian and Tink in the meantime - I kinda wanted to give them some bonding time so I could build their friendship more strongly in my head because we haven't seen that much interaction between them on the show yet, so I hope this is okay?**

**Regarding the previous use of portals, I'm going with the assumption that when Pan let Killian leave the island the second time, it was through a portal. When (spoiler if you haven't seen the promo for the next ep) they leave Neverland in 3.09 the ship looks like it's flying, so I'm not counting that as going through a portal.**

**I seem to be pumping out fics pretty quickly atm, so hopefully next chapter will be up in a few days? Unless I get distracted with one-shots again...**

**Review?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Killian couldn't have kept the grin off his face if he'd wanted to as his head turned quickly to follow the green glow that flitted every which way in the small clearing that they'd landed in. 'My neck's getting rather sore here,' he said loudly, rubbing at the back of it for effect. The glow didn't waver or stop and he let out a low chuckle. 'Tinkerbell, we have a curse to break!' he reminded her, trying to put a bit of exasperation into his voice, but although he wanted to resent every passing minute that kept him away from Emma, he couldn't really begrudge Tink this excitement.

'You don't understand,' she said, coming to dart in circles around his head. Although she was smaller, her voice was just as loud and clear. 'I haven't had any magic since Storybrooke disappeared, but when Blue gave me my wings back after Neverland, all it did was give me that magic. None of us were in our true form.' She came to stop in front of his face but she was practically jumping up and down in mid air. 'I haven't actually had proper wings since before I went to Neverland. It's been over forty years since I've been able to fly.'

She flashed him a grin and then darted off again. Instead of flying around the clearing, she flew straight upwards into the sky. Killian squinted but couldn't see her, her brightness swallowed up by the sun.

She still hadn't returned after a few minutes but Killian wasn't worried. After what she'd lived with to see him safe, he'd let her have as much time as she needed. As he waited he walked slowly around the clearing, taking in their surroundings. They were in a forest but he couldn't really tell whether it was the one they'd sought or not yet. He'd spent as little time ashore as possible for most of his life, and when his feet were on land it had usually been along the coast. He couldn't smell the saltiness of an ocean over the woody smell of the trees, but that didn't really give him much to go on yet.

When the sun set it would be another matter. He'd been in Storybrooke a long time, but he could never forget the layout of the stars in any place that he'd tracked them.

He heard her laughing before he saw her light, then felt a slight pressure at his shoulder. Turning his head, he had to squint a little since she was so close. 'Can't you control that?' he asked.

'I suppose.' She sighed heavily, crossing her arms over her chest, then dimmed the light that emanated from her to a dull glow. She sat on his shoulder, her legs swinging back and forth playfully so that they lightly tapped against his chest. 'I found a village a little way in that direction,' she said, twisting to point behind her. 'I think I recognize it, but it's been a long time since I've been here. This is definitely the Enchanted Forest, though.'

Killian let out his breath slowly, letting the relief fill him. He hadn't really had a clue what they would do if they'd ended up in the wrong world, but he was glad that it was something they wouldn't have to worry about. And he appreciated the confirmation that his love for his family was enough to guide them home.

Trying to focus on the idea of hope rather than his frustration at the curse that had taken them away from him, he turned his attention back to Tink. 'So you were actually doing something productive instead of just having a joy-fly?' he asked dryly, reaching up to grab the back of her shirt between his thumb and forefinger. Picking her up, he brought her around to hang in front of him, getting in a good look at her for the first time since he'd landed in a heap on the ground and he'd heard her surprised shout.

In her natural form she was roughly as tall as his head, and aside from her size and the fact that she was glowing, she'd also sprouted wings. He didn't try to stop the smirk that spread slowly across his face until it turned into a fully fledged grin.

At first she just hung there, arms crossed while she waited for him to take her in, but when she saw the look on his face her eyes narrowed suspiciously. 'Ah... Why are you looking at me like that? That's not a "I'm so happy for you to have your wings back, Tink" kind of grin.'

He tilted his head to look over her quite obviously. 'You look quite ridiculous.'

Looking down at herself, she let out a loud huff and twisted out of his grip. 'Don't think that you can pick on me when I'm small,' she warned him.

'I'm not referring to your size, love,' he told her. 'I can't say that I've seen many fairies in denim.' He paused, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck again. 'I'd like to say that I've never seen people in denim with wings, but I think Halloween will negate that.'

'Well you certainly don't look much like the dashing pirate that you think you are,' she told him, gesturing to him. The green glow intensified into a shower of sparks and grew larger until Tink stood in front of him at full size, her wings gone. 'It's not like we could dress to prepare, Killian.'

'Regardless, we'll have to acquire clothing that will make us fit in,' he said, turning and walking in the direction she had said the village was in. 'And just because I'm not dressed like a pirate doesn't mean I'm not dashing,' he quipped, looking over his shoulder to wink at Tink.

She rolled her eyes then jogged forward to catch up with him. He could swear that he heard her mutter _idiot_ under her breath.

The village was only half an hour's walk away but Killian stopped them before they broke through the tree line near the edge of the village. She looked at him inquisitively.

'I think that it would be a good idea to avoid notice until we know what the curse is and how it's affected this realm and its people,' he said, his eyes taking in as much as he could of the village. It was only small and he could only see a few people making their ways between the buildings. A road ran through the village, splitting it in two, and he could see where it disappeared into the forest about one hundred metres from where they stood. 'Barging toward the first place that we find dressed as we are is definitely not a way to lay low.'

He could feel her eyes on him, and after a moment he reluctantly turned to look at her. She was watching him with a knowing expression. 'Are you more afraid that you'll find her so easily, or that you won't?'

Killian tried to hold her gaze, but after a moment he sighed and dropped his eyes. He'd been trying not to think about that just yet. More than anything, he wanted to find Emma and everybody else as quickly as possible, to break whatever curse had been inflicted on them and just be with his family.

But a part of him was worried about what he'd find when he found them. What kind of lives were they living? Were they happy, or were they living in some kind of hell?

He needed to find them. More than anything, he just needed them.

'How much can you carry when you're small?' he asked her, choosing not to answer her question aloud.

She didn't push it. 'More than you'd think,' she said. 'I only have limited magic unless I can get my hands on some fairy dust, but I'll have enough to shrink some clothes for us until they're small enough to carry.'

'You're not averse to stealing?' he asked, glancing at her sideways. Would her moral compass be more righteous now that she was truly a fairy again?

But she just rolled her eyes. 'Seriously, how do you think I've been living for the past few years? I did as much as I could honestly, but there's only so much that sticking to the law will get you when you're living in a hut.' He scowled at the reminder but she spoke again before he could comment. 'I'll be as quick as I can but it might take me a little while to find things in the right sizes for both of us.'

'If you see some money take that as well,' he suggested, still eyeing the village. None of the few people walking the street looked familiar. 'Just in case they're not here. We may need it.'

She nodded, transforming again into her smaller form and hovering in front of him. 'I'll take what I can. Will you wait here?'

'I've nothing better to do until you get back,' he said lightly, attempting to hide the nervousness that was starting to build in his stomach. 'Just be quick, all right?'

Tink flew off in the direction of the village and Killian disappeared further into the trees. It was bad enough that they were stealing clothes that belonged to the people they might come across in the village, and he'd rather not be spotted lurking in the shadows on top of that. He should have made a point to tell her not to get anything too fancy or recognizable, but he could only hope that she had enough common sense for that.

Sitting down, he propped his back against a tree and leaned his head back, closing his eyes for a moment against his own better judgement. It felt like less than a week since the curse had taken everybody from him, but he missed them so much already. Gods, how he missed Emma. He'd been trying not to think too much about the weight of the task before him, but all of a sudden it settled heavily on his shoulders, pressing like a stone in his stomach. He didn't doubt the things that he could accomplish with her at his side, but the magic that he needed to rescue her from had taken her from him too. Sighing heavily, he wished for her arms around him, giving him strength.

_You've been without her before,_ a voice reminded him.

_And what kind of person was I then? I will not be that man again._

Bitter.

Angry.

Alone.

Perhaps it was a good thing that he had Tinkerbell with him. To save him from himself while he tried to figure out how to save everybody else.

Once, deep in his life on Neverland, he would have scoffed at the idea of strength through family. But that was before he'd met the Charmings, and their notions of hope. Emma had shown him the strength that could be had in love. David and Mary Margaret, Henry, even Neal had shown him the kind of power that could be found in family.

It was half an hour before Tink returned, and Killian had just started to consider going in after her when he saw a green glow coming toward him. Pushing himself to his feet, he made himself wait patiently as she transformed in front of him. The things that she was carrying grew in size as she did.

'Take your time, did you, Tink?' he asked, his mood soured by the conflicting hope and worry that was battling inside of him.

'Oh, shut it,' she snapped, pressing a bundle of rolled up material to his chest. 'I found an inn, so there was plenty to choose from, but I had to get big to search and someone almost found me. You can go next time if you're in such a hurry.'

He eyed her warily for a moment before he shook out his clothes, regretting the harshness in his words almost immediately. She was going through just as much as he was. 'Anyone you recognized?' he asked nonchalantly.

She'd turned her back on him and was starting to lift her shirt over her head so he did the same. 'No,' she said, her voice muffled by the fabric. 'I didn't really go looking around - I thought I should wait for you - but I did see a few people. Nobody that I know,' she added.

That didn't mean that they weren't there, he reminded himself, but he was finding it harder to believe it. Dressing quickly, he looked down over himself. The clothes fitted well enough - tan coloured trousers and a long sleeved black shirt. It would do for now, but he couldn't help but hope to find some familiar black leather since he couldn't wear the clothes that he'd become accustomed to over the last few years.

Turning back carefully, he saw that Tink had dressed again as well, wearing breeches and a tunic that were as plain as his. 'No pretty gown for the lady?' he asked, attempting to bring back some of the levity between them.

Tink just rolled her eyes. 'Average travelers don't wear dresses if they can help it. And I couldn't steal enough money to make us well off.'

'How much did you get?'

She threw him a pouch, which he peered into to see a jumble of silver and bronze, and even a few gold coins. 'We'll only need it until we find them,' she reminded him. 'If they're here we won't need it at all. And I can always steal more if I need to.'

'It'll be enough,' he said, clipping the pouch to the belt that he'd tightened around his waist, taken from his jeans.

They doubled back into the forest so that they could approach the town from the road, in case anybody happened to see them coming. There were few people on the road once they got to the town, and Killian recognized none of them. Tink suggested that they try to get some information from the inn.

After they'd just stolen from there? Killian looked at her askance. 'Are you daft?'

Shrugging, she just headed toward the inn. He hesitated a moment before following her. They didn't really have that many options.

He would have expected a village inn to be pretty empty at this time of day, too late for lunch and slightly early for dinner, and only a few of the tables were occupied. He didn't know one of the customers from Storybrooke. Tink made her way directly up to the man that Killian assumed to be the innkeeper. The portly man looked up at them from behind a low counter and smiled warmly. 'Welcome! My name is Master Gill, and this is my inn,' he said cheerfully. 'What can I do for you?'

'We're looking for some people,' Tink said before he could speak. 'Friends of ours. They go by the names Emma Swan and Neal Cassidy. We're also looking for a Mary Margaret and David Nolan.' At Gill's blank expression Tink gave him a quick description of each of them but he still shook his head.

'There's nobody of the like that lives here, and I've no knowledge of anyone passing through to that description,' he told them, completely oblivious to Killian's sinking heart or the way Tink's face fell. 'We do have quite a few people passing through, but I almost never forget a face.'

Tink recovered quickly and continued asking questions, trying to determine exactly where they were without making them sound suspicious, but Killian's attention had left them once he'd found out that his family weren't here. Of course it couldn't be that easy.

He'd spied a large map hanging on the wall near the doorway, and moved back to stand in front of it. He had plenty of maps of the coastlines on his ship that he'd drawn himself, but it had been a long time since he'd looked at them, and much longer since he'd seen a complete map of the Enchanted Forest. It looked old so there was no guarantee of its accuracy, but it looked much like the maps he'd remembered. Reaching up, his hand hovered over the paper and ink.

Somewhere marked on this map, Emma and Henry and countless other people that he cared about were living their lives. Did they miss him? Did they still hope that he was coming for them?

Were they even together? Regina's original curse had taken everybody from the Enchanted Forest to Storybrooke except for those that were protected by Cora along with himself, and this newer curse had brought them all back. He still didn't know most of the people in Storybrooke, and had certainly never met anyone that he'd seen in this village before that he remembered, so what was to say that they'd been brought back to the same parts of the Enchanted Forest?

Someone had drawn a mark on the map where the village was located and he stretched his palm across that point, trying to imagine them within the spread of his fingers. They could be only finger lengths away.

They could be weeks away.

They could be anywhere.

'Killian,' Tink said quietly from beside his shoulder, and he reluctantly turned away from the map. She looked at him searchingly for a moment before holding out her hand. 'I need the money, I've organized some supplies. I declined a room for the night but he's going to sell us a horse each and some food.'

Nodding absentmindedly, he unclipped the purse and handed it to her. She went back to the innkeeper and handed over some coins and he disappeared into what Killian assumed was the kitchen.

Not ten minutes later they were both on horseback and heading out of the village, down the road in the opposite direction that they'd come from. They had a small pack tied to each of their saddles filled with food and a few other supplies, plus a blanket roll each. Thankfully Gill hadn't asked too many questions regarding why they had so little on them in the first place, and they'd left as soon as they could before his curiosity could get the better of him.

'I still find it hilarious that he sold us horses with money that we took from his inn,' Tink said light-heartedly, glancing over her shoulder to smirk at him.

'He didn't have any decent information for us?' Killian asked, not feeling quite the same amount of levity as Tink was.

'No,' she said, sighing heavily. 'He didn't know anybody that I asked him about. All I could gather was that we're in the north-western part of the forest.' His mood apparently spread to her quickly because she slumped in her saddle. 'How the hell are we supposed to break this stupid curse if we don't even know where anybody is? Or where we are, really?'

'I know where we are,' he said, curling the reins more securely around his hook so that he had use of his good hand. 'And I know where we should look. This road eventually leads to where David and Mary Margaret's castle used to be, and still is according to the map in the inn. The spell that Gold made was supposed to take everybody home, so maybe it did that rather literally? Maybe everyone returned to where they lived while they were here?'

Tink nodded slowly. 'It's as good a place to start as any, I guess.'

They fell into a long silence. The afternoon turned slowly into evening but they didn't stop - he guessed that it would take them a good few weeks to reach the city and he wanted to move as quickly as he could while the horses were fresh. After a while of pondering the distance his thoughts started to sink into darker waters, the idea of being so far away pulling him down, so he tried to distract himself.

Remembering his earlier gratefulness that Tink was with him, he decided to put her to the best use he could think of.

'So,' he said casually, breaking the silence between them. They rode side by side and she looked up at him. 'Baelfire.'

She turned a delightful shade of red almost immediately and that alone was enough to push most of his bitter thoughts away. She glanced away quickly, clearly embarrassed, before swallowing and looking back to him. 'You said you weren't going to laugh at me about it,' she accused.

'Actually, no. You told me to not bother you about it until later, so I'm merely obeying your wishes.'

He winked at her and she scowled. 'Asshole,' she muttered under her breath, loudly enough for him to hear, and he grinned at her. 'All right, fine,' she snapped. 'I have feelings for him. He knows how I feel, I think, but he hasn't really told me what's going on in his head.' She held his gaze for a long moment before turning her eyes to the road ahead of them. 'Before the curse, he was spending a lot of time with Henry, trying to help him with the big move and all. I know Henry was excited, but it was still a big deal for any of us, let alone a fifteen year old. I was kind of keeping my distance until they'd settled in here.'

He opened his mouth to tell her that she should have made her move earlier, but he swallowed the words before they came. Although he did want to say something to tease her, he realized that if there had been anything defined between Tink and Neal before the curse had taken them, it would have only made it harder for Tink during the years that she'd waited for him to wake up. He imagined that it had been hard enough to be separated from everybody for that long anyway, without having the knowledge of being separated from a lover.

But then was it really better to be stuck with the uncertainty?

'I know that the two of you have your problems,' Tink said after a few minutes, interrupting his thoughts. She was still looking ahead but her brow had furrowed into a frown. 'Even if we weren't on this mission together, I still think of you like a brother, Killian.' She looked back at him now, and he could clearly see the caution in her eyes despite the fading light. 'I get your teasing for that very reason, but you can't go all defensive on me.'

Killian frowned right back at her, taken aback. 'What are you talking about?'

She raised her eyebrows. 'Even without going into what happened between the two of you in Neverland - the first time! - I was there when we all got back the second time. When you were both vying for Emma's heart and you were full of reasons why he wasn't any good for her. I'm the one who had to listen to most of them from you.'

Turning his eyes to the road, he shifted in the saddle. Emma had made it clear from the start that it wasn't about making a choice between the two of them, but rather choosing herself and Henry. He hadn't backed down, and had courted her steadily until she'd conceded to make their relationship official, which basically consisted of telling Henry about it since everybody else knew that there was something going on there anyway. It had always felt more like waiting for her to come to terms with letting him in, rather than waiting for her to make a decision, but Neal had been slower on the uptake than he had. Even when Emma had made it clear who her heart belonged to, Neal had been reluctant to back down.

Although it had been Emma's battle to fight and not his, he had been frustrated by how little he could do. She'd asked him not to speak to Neal when he had offered, and so all he could do was vent about it. He'd become good friends with David after their time in Neverland but didn't really feel at ease complaining to him about Emma's ex-lover, so he'd gone to the only other person who he'd felt comfortable with at the time - Tinkerbell.

Which hadn't been as great an idea as he'd thought, or so he was learning.

'Neal wasn't any good for Emma because of their past together,' he said eventually, wanting to be honest and yet not discouraging. 'He was a different person when they first knew each other to how he is now, but Emma wouldn't have been able to move forward from their past. She was finally able to let go of that abandonment thanks to her parents and to Henry, but he brought all of that back to her. He wasn't healthy for her.' He looked back at her, trying to gauge her expression, but he couldn't clearly see her face. 'My only problem with him is what he put Emma through, but he's not that person anymore. And although I disagree with him, I do honestly believe that he thought he was doing the right thing for her.'

She didn't say anything or react. 'Overall, I think he's a good man, Tink,' he added after a minute or so. 'He's fantastic with Henry, especially considering how quickly he was thrust into fatherhood. He and Emma were at a good place, and so were he and myself. Even taking into account Neverland - both times. I want his happiness as much as I want yours.'

Tink nodded slowly, then finally turned back to look at him. 'You can't say anything to him, or to anyone. We don't know what it'll be like when we find them, but even if everything is normal, I need to sort this out without you or anybody else leaning over my shoulder.'

'Your love life is your own business,' he told her. He waited until she smiled at him before he smirked and gave her a wink. 'Unless it suits me to bother you with it.'

Groaning loudly, she nudged her horse to pick up speed, moving ahead of him. 'If you don't shut it I'm going to fly off and leave you to travel on your own. I can make it there a lot easier than on horseback, remember.'

He knew she was joking, but it gave him an idea. 'Do you think there's a chance that we could actually get a hold of some fairy dust?' he asked, urging his horse to keep pace with hers and move beside her.

'If only. I'd rather not risk seeking out the other fairies until we know more about the curse. Things could go rather badly if somebody unknown came seeking fairy dust.'

'You could fly ahead,' he said slowly. 'To see what you could find out.'

He watched her carefully, not relaxing until she shook her head. 'No. We're doing this together. We'll find what we're dealing with when we get there, and I'll help you do whatever you need to do when we have to.'

He wanted to tell her thank you, but the look on her face said that she understood. Their mission was already weighing at him, and she wouldn't leave him to face a second of it alone. Swallowing the lump in his throat that his gratitude had caused, he silently thanked Regina for her foresight. It would be a long few weeks, a long ride, but he wouldn't be alone.

_I'm coming, Emma._ Adjusting his grip on the reins, he urged the horse slightly quicker. They could make it a little further before they had to stop for the night. _We're coming._

**AN: Thank you to everybody who's reading this and for your faves/follows/reviews. They seriously make my day.**

**The next chapter will be from Emma's point of view, and the main points of the curse will be revealed. I'm pretty excited to get that up, so hopefully it will be written quickly!**

**Please review and let me know what you think so far!**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Another chapter so quickly! I hope you like. I'm pretty excited to post this one. And there are even more exciting things coming up.**

**Chapter Five**

Slipping into a chair beside her sister, Emma raised her eyebrows at Henry, who sat across from them. 'Why are you up so early?' she asked him suspiciously.

It wasn't earlier than the time that she'd normally start her day, but Henry had developed a tendency to lay abed in the mornings as he'd gotten older. He just shrugged, scooping up a fork full of egg and stuffing it into his mouth. 'Lots to do today,' he said with his mouth full.

Turning to Snow, Emma gestured exasperatedly to Henry. Snow just laughed. 'Don't look at me like that, he's your son.'

'Yeah, with his father's manners,' she muttered, filling her plate with eggs and toast. The bacon was almost gone, which she was sure had something to do with Henry's presence at the breakfast table so early.

'You can't blame the father for everything,' David said from Snow's other side, leaning forward so Emma could see his wink.

Snow looked between the two of them. 'Of course not. But if James ends up with manners like Henry's I'm blaming you completely,' she said, pointing her fork toward her husband.

David and Henry adorned identical looks of hurt, but Emma could see through both of them. 'I have perfectly fine manners,' David said indignantly.

'So do I.' Henry held her gaze for a moment, then grinned. 'When we're in public, anyway. This doesn't count.' He shoved another load of food into his mouth, and she was sure he overloaded it on purpose.

As much as she wanted to roll her eyes at him, it was an effort for Emma not to laugh. In truth, she didn't really care how graceful he was when it was just the family, but if she told him that then who knew what lengths he'd go to in order to make her regret that. She had a feeling that he knew anyway.

'Speaking of lots to do today,' Snow said, 'I need you for this morning, Emma. I have the dressmaker here for the final fitting of our gowns.'

'I hardly see the need to have such a big celebration for James' birthday,' Henry said before Emma could respond. 'He's two. He's going to be asleep about an hour after everyone arrives, and he's not going to remember any of it anyway. I don't remember balls that were thrown for me when I was two.'

Emma exchanged a quick glance with Snow. 'It's important to celebrate family, Henry,' Emma said quietly. 'Not everybody has the chance to be together like we do.' She saw Snow's arm moving and reached under the table to grasp her hand tightly. 'Your father and I didn't get much of a chance to celebrate with you.'

Their lives had once been very different to how they lived now. Emma and Snow had grown up together in this castle with their father, King Leopold, but their mother had died when they were young. A few years after that their father had married Regina, who had been friendly and loving toward both Emma and her sister, until Leopold had died. Not long after that Regina's hatred for Snow had become apparent and Snow had been forced to flee for her life.

Emma had wanted to run with her younger sister, to protect her, but she'd just given birth to Henry and she could neither take him with her nor leave him behind. For some reason Regina's anger at Snow hadn't extended quite as strongly to Emma, so she'd made no threat to her life as long as she relinquished any claim to the throne. Emma had signed away her rights gladly, wanting nothing more than to protect her family, and so she had lived in luxurious captivity for over ten years.

She always knew that Snow would fight back, that she'd come for her and their kingdom. Emma had fought where she could, sowing discord into Regina's court, and when Snow and David had returned to take their kingdom back it had been easier than they'd expected. Regina had been exiled and since then...

Well, their lives had been pretty perfect.

Snow had become queen and had married David, and they now had their son James. They weren't completely free of Regina - battles were being fought on their borders, more forcefully now than they had been in the past - but they were together, they were a family. And Emma had everything she needed, Henry and -

'Morning, folks.' Emma twisted in her seat to smile at Neal as he entered the dining hall. He had one arm wrapped around Eva, holding her on his hip, and he had to bend awkwardly to kiss Emma on the top of her head. 'Is there anything left?' he asked, grinning at Henry, who merely added more food to his plate as though accepting a challenge.

'Why are you here, chickie?' Emma said, reaching out for Eva and shifting her chair back so that there was enough room between her and the table to prop Eva on her lap.

'Granny couldn't get her to eat anything,' Neal said, giving her a look. He took a plate and picked out a few pieces of fruit, putting it on the table in front of Eva. 'Said that she wouldn't eat anything unless she got to see you.'

As much as she should have been annoyed at her daughter causing trouble with Granny, she couldn't help the happiness that still flooded through her that she was happy to see her. 'Well, then,' Emma said, trying and completely failing at a stern voice. 'I guess you better eat up then.'

Eva grinned up at her and Emma gave her a squeeze, nudging the plate closer to them. Eva started to eat with no further complaint, and Neal rubbed her shoulder before taking a seat next to Henry.

She'd been happy enough with just Neal and Henry, their small family more than she could have hoped for, but she'd been over the moon when she had discovered that they were to have another child. She was a mighty trouble maker though, and Emma dreaded to think what she'd be like when she was older. The combination of Emma's green eyes and the dark hair that must have come from her namesake spoke of a beauty in the making, and she was not looking forward to the angry father in Neal coming out.

Thankfully they still had a good few years before they had to worry about that.

'So Uncle David,' Henry said, finally pushing his plate away. 'Do you have some free time this morning?'

David laughed. 'I only have free time if I make it myself. What do you need?'

'I thought we could go through some forms in the practice yard,' Henry said nonchalantly. 'I can beat almost all of my teachers now, but... Well, you're still the best.'

David was grinning at the compliment but Emma narrowed her eyes at Henry. 'Aren't you supposed to be working with the clerks today?'

Henry rolled his eyes. 'Yeah, because doing bookkeeping is so much fun.'

'It's important to understand the details of how the kingdom is run,' Snow reminded him. 'James will be learning all of this as well, once he's old enough.'

'Not me,' Eva piped up.

'Eva will be doing _all_ of the bookkeeping if she doesn't eat all of her breakfast,' Neal joked. Eva poked her tongue out at him but popped another piece of fruit into her mouth.

'I don't see the point of studying bookkeeping when we're preparing for war,' Henry grumbled, scooting his chair back and crossing his arms over his chest.

Emma exchanged a glance with first Neal and then with Snow. 'The kind of war that we're fighting isn't won by knights, Henry,' David said carefully. 'The strength of our family and the support from our kingdom and the fairies is what will keep Regina and Rumpelstiltskin at bay.'

'But there are still battles being fought on the borders,' Henry protested. 'I can be there fighting alongside the people. Every battle won is a victory, no matter how small, and I have a duty to my kingdom just as much as you do.'

'You do have a duty, and that is to be a leader,' Emma told him, tightening her grip on Eva. Henry's eagerness to be in the thick of the fighting was something that they'd all tried to discourage. She didn't think that she could bear to be parted from either of her children for long enough for Henry to go to battle, and the thought of him not coming back... She had to take a deep breath before she could continue. 'One extra man on the battlefield will make no difference, but when the time comes you may be needed to inspire our people to hope.'

'One person could make all the difference,' Henry argued, oblivious to how this conversation was bothering her.

'And what if you were killed?' Neal said, forcing him to confront the idea. 'Even if you won't consider what that would do to your family, think about how the kingdom will react to that?'

Henry didn't argue further, but it was obvious that he hadn't conceded completely. 'How about you spend your morning with the clerks and then I'll spar with you this afternoon?' David said to Henry, who nodded glumly.

'And then later the two of us can spend some time together, all right, kid?' Neal said.

Henry seemed to perk up slightly, then nodded again and got to his feet. 'I'll see you all later, then.'

Emma knew that they would have to come back to the conversation eventually, but she was glad that it was over for now. Hopefully David could talk some sense into him in the practice yard later in the day. 'Can you take your sister back to Granny first?' she asked quickly, pecking a kiss to Eva's head. Henry nodded and took Eva's hand as she got to her feet. 'I love you both,' she said. She got a muttered response from Henry but a more cheerful one from Eva, and she was grateful that at least one of her children was oblivious to the troubles that they faced.

Neal reached across the table and took her hand as soon as Henry and Eva had left. 'He'll calm down,' he promised. 'We just need to focus on the good things.'

'You're right,' she said, pushing her worries away, and turned to Snow, who had remained quiet throughout Henry's outburst. 'He's right,' she told her. 'Our family is still together, and we should be focusing on the ball tomorrow night for James.'

'We should have done things differently, and then this war wouldn't still be waging,' Snow said quietly, poking her fork at her breakfast.

'And what could we have done differently?' David asked her. 'You stopped her execution because that kind of ruthlessness isn't a part of you.'

'Because I am weak.'

'Because you are strong.' David's smile was full of the faith that Emma knew so well from him. 'Together, we are strong. We will win this fight, I promise you.'

After a moment Snow smiled at him. 'I love you, Charming.'

Emma smiled at them fondly, then shared her smile with Neal, wanting to send the same message to him that David had given Snow. As much as Snow blamed herself for the troubles that they faced because of Regina, Neal thought he was at fault for the threat that Rumpelstiltskin bore them. Rumpelstiltskin was Neal's father, but had driven Neal away with his hunger for power when he was a boy. Neal had fled for half his childhood to escape his father, and had only stopped running when he'd met Emma. They'd kept his linage hidden from the world, but a few years ago Rumpelstiltskin had found them, and had spent his time since then trying to get his son back.

Neal wanted nothing to do with him, but he had mentioned to her a few times that if he sought his father out then he could rid themselves of one of their enemies. Emma wouldn't have a bar of it, and neither would her sister and her husband if she told them about it. They were a family, and they wouldn't give up one of their own.

After a moment Snow took a deep breath from beside them, and Emma put her attention back to her. Snow flashed her a grin. 'So, let's go try on these dresses then, shall we?'

Emma grinned back widely. She loved the chance to try a new dress. She loved her family, and the life that she led, the fact that they could all be together.

Her life was pretty perfect.

'Leroy? Is that Leroy? _Leroy!'_

Killian craned his neck, trying to follow where Tink was running off to. It took him a moment but then he felt a grin slowly spread across his face and he shouldered his way through the crowd after her. Leroy stood out the front of a shop, talking to someone that Killian didn't know, but that didn't matter, because they had found _somebody that they knew._ The first person that they recognized since landing in the Enchanted Forest.

Leroy apparently didn't hear Tink's call since he didn't respond, not turning away from his companion. 'Leroy,' Killian heard Tink say, reaching out to grab his arm just as Killian caught up with her.

The dwarf turned reluctantly, and Killian shouldn't have been surprised to find him quite uglier than the man that he'd known, his nose and ears large and deformed, an unfortunate aspect of the being that he was. Leroy looked at Tink blankly before dropping his eyes to her hand on his arm. 'I'd be keeping your hands to yourself, lady,' he told her gruffly.

Tink's eyebrows rose just as Killian's heart started to sink. 'Leroy?' Tink said slowly, her voice filled with confusion.

Leroy scowled. 'I don't know who you think you're talking to, but I ain't anyone named Leroy.' He looked up to Killian. 'You mind telling your woman to get her mitts off me?'

'Tink,' Killian said quietly, and she reluctantly withdrew her hand. It hovered in the air for a moment before she dropped it. 'My apologies, sir,' he said, forcing his most charming self to the surface while his darkness battled away inside him. 'She thought that you were somebody that we are searching for.'

Grabbing Tink's arm, he tried to draw her away, but she struggled against him. 'Killian, wait. It's him! I'm not stupid!'

'Well you're acting it,' he snapped under his breath, tightening his grip and pulling her away. Leroy started after them for a few seconds, his brow drawn to match his scowl, before turning back to the man he'd been speaking to. Killian pushed Tink into an alleyway and let her go, but kept his eye on her in case she tried to dart past him back to the dwarf.

'That was Leroy, as I live and breathe!' She rubbed at her arm where he'd grabbed her, but he ignored the guilt that he felt for hurting her.

'I know that,' he told her, glancing over his shoulder to make sure that no one had followed them. The throng of people on the main street didn't seem too interested in the alley for now. 'But what if he doesn't?'

Tink just stared at him blankly for a few seconds, then her face fell. 'Oh.'

'Yeah.' He rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. 'Oh.'

They simply stood in silence for a few minutes as the idea sank in for both of them. 'That was a part of the original curse, wasn't it?' Tink asked eventually. 'They all forgot who they were, had a whole new life's worth of memories in their heads.'

'That was it,' he said. The dark feeling was growing, threatening to spill out, but he had to talk to her about it so she understood what they could be up against. 'They each had their happy endings ripped from them, and lived the same miserable day over and over again until Emma came to town.'

Tink's eyes widened slightly as the full idea seemed to hit her. 'And if they don't remember who they all are... They could have been living their most miserable thoughts every day for the past three and a half years...' She trailed off, breath puffing out of her. She looked lost, and he knew exactly how she felt. If only they'd been quicker. Then her resolve seemed to harden. 'But that stopped when Emma got to Storybrooke, right? So now that you're here, maybe it'll stop for them as well?'

'Perhaps,' he said slowly. 'But their misery didn't end until the curse was broken.'

'So we break the curse,' Tink said, the optimism suddenly back in her voice. 'It was true love's kiss that broke it last time, right? Between Emma and Henry? It might not be as simple as just showing up, but maybe all you have to do is kiss Emma and then the curse will be broken?'

'I doubt it will be that simple,' he said roughly, turning away from her. He paced away and back again, needing to sort out the jumble that was his thoughts. Damn it, but he needed a drink. 'We don't even know that it's the same thing.'

'Well Leroy was pretty damn grumpy just now, if you ask me.'

He didn't want to look at her, didn't want to think about it, just wanted Emma in his arms. But what if she didn't remember him? What if Henry didn't remember him, or David, or Mary Margaret or Neal? 'They'll be in the castle,' he told her, and she just nodded. It was only a guess, but they both knew the likelihood of it was high. Emma hadn't had a chance to grow up here, but that was where her parents had lived, and it was a good a place to start looking as any.

'So we should find an inn to stay in and go to the castle in the morning.'

His head snapped up and he stared at her. 'No. _No._' He stepped up to her, crowding her but he didn't care. 'You think I'm going to wait until morning when we're so bloody close?' he growled. 'After I've waited this long?'

'I've waited longer,' she retorted, 'and so have they. One night won't make a difference to them, but it will to us.' Putting her hands on his chest, she pushed him away gently but he resisted. 'We've been travelling for over two weeks and we're both exhausted.' She wrinkled her nose. 'And you could use a bath.'

He scowled at her, staring at her hard, but after a moment he reluctantly stepped back. 'I don't give a bloody damn how pretty I smell,' he snapped at her.

'You don't, but the castle guards will. Do you really think they're going to just let us anywhere near the royal family when we're as dirty and worn as we are right now? Just one night, Killian, and it'll make it easier for everyone.'

Damn her, but she was right. He sighed heavily, closing his eyes and squeezing the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, trying to calm himself down. 'Fine,' he said quietly. 'But we'll find an inn close to the castle, and go early in the morning.'

'Sounds good to me.' Her hand was on his arm, tugging his hand away from his face, and he let her pull him back to the main street, let her hook her arm through his. 'I think I remember a half decent one, if things are much the same as they were pre-curse.'

They walked in silence for a few minutes. They'd sold their horses to an inn near the city gates and had their few belongings with them, so Killian let Tink lead the way to whatever inn she had thought of. 'I'm sorry,' he sighed eventually, his guilt starting to eat at him. She deserved better than this. 'You know the kind of man I've been, Tink. You know the darkness in my heart, better than most.' He glanced down at her where she walked beside him. 'Life had been too good to us since Neverland, and the few times that the anger in my heart drew me too far down, Emma was there to pull me back.'

'Well I guess that's what I'm here for, isn't it?' she said lightly, smiling up at him faintly. Then she smirked. 'Although I'm not kissing you, if that's what she did when you got this grumpy.'

Killian narrowed his eyes at her. 'I'm not grumpy,' he said, despite knowing that that was exactly what he had been. 'And you're not kissing me.'

'Yeah, whatever. And you're not going to manhandle me like that again. This is the inn.' She nodded toward the building and changed their direction, withdrawing her arm from his. The sun was setting and less people were filling the street now, and he hoped that they could find a room easily since it seemed to be so busy. He didn't doubt that there would be rooms somewhere, but finding one so close to the castle could be difficult.

He hesitated when she pushed the door open, drinking in the sight of the castle one last time just in case he wouldn't see it again until morning. He'd never been one for royalty or castles, not since he'd left the King's Navy and thrown away that whole life, and he'd never felt more conflicted than he did now, starting up at the large castle. She could be right there. So close.

Sighing, he turned away from it, promising himself that he'd be up with the dawn to seek out who or what he could. Tink was waiting for him, holding the door open, and they stepped through it together. The common room was almost full, with only a table here or there to spare, but it could be overflowing for all he cared as long as they had a bed each to sleep in. Killian's eyes swept the room, automatically searching for any kind of familiar face, and Tink did the same from beside him.

She gasped and clutched at his arm, her nails digging into his skin even through his thin shirt. His heart skipping a beat in hope, he spun in the direction she was looking, toward the counter where an innkeeper would be overseeing business and directing their staff. It wasn't the innkeeper that had caught Tink's attention, but rather the man that he was talking to.

'Neal,' Tink whispered, but he heard it above the noise of the customers.

Neal couldn't have heard her but some fluke had him looking up at that moment and his eyes settled on them immediately. Killian smiled in relief to see his friend again, to know that there was someone here who he cared about, and if he was here then it was more likely that Emma and Henry were here as well. He expected Neal's gaze to brush over them in ignorance and prepared himself for the lack of recognition, but his breath caught in his chest when Neal froze, his eyes widening. His mouth opened and closed, his conversation with the innkeeper forgotten, his hand raised as if to reach out to them or ward them off, he wasn't sure.

'Killian? Tink?' Neal looked over his shoulder and then back again quickly, taking a hesitant step toward them.

Could they have been wrong? Did they have their memories after all?

Tink moved first, running forward to wrap her arms around him. Neal's arms closed around her slowly but his eyes never left Killian.

It had been a long time, but Neal's reaction wasn't quite what he'd been expecting. He was staring at Killian with something that was starting to look more alarmingly like horror with every moment. 'Do you know us?' Killian asked quickly, grabbing a hold of his shoulder.

Neal swallowed hard, glancing down at Tink. He pulled away from her but grabbed her upper arms, starting down at her before looking back at Killian. 'Yes. I know you.'

**AN: Cliffhanger! Mwahaha!**

**I hope this answers some questions, but I know it leaves a fair bit in doubt until the next chapter, where K&T talk to Neal. So you see kind of the life that everyone has been living, and some of the things that have happened (and also the things that they believed have happened). What Killian and Tink spoke about is speculation, and now in doubt because Neal recognized them, but everything will become a lot clearer in the next chapter (which I am very, very keen to write). I can't promise an update as quick as this, but maybe still sometime this week.**

**Review?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

'Oh no. No, no, no.' Neal took a step back from them, eyes wide and not leaving Killian. 'Oh, God.'

Killian watched him warily, his joy at having someone recognize him held cautiously back. Neal definitely knew them, but why did he seem so unhappy to see them? Except unhappy wasn't quite right. He felt like he must be exaggerating, but Neal almost looked horrified.

Just what had happened in the last few years to make him react this way to see them?

The confusion on Tink's face indicated that she wasn't having the same thoughts as he was, and was probably seeing only the way that Neal was backing away from them. She stepped toward him, reaching out her hand. 'Bae,' she began hesitantly.

'You can't call me that here,' Neal said quickly, closing the distance between them so that they could hear his loud whisper. He glanced around again, but the closest people to them seemed to be engrossed in their own conversations, and the innkeeper had withdrawn enough to give them a semblance of privacy. 'Not outside the family. They can know me only as Neal.'

'Alright, Neal,' Tink said slowly. 'What's going on?'

Killian was quickly losing patience with whatever was bothering the other man. 'Emma?' he asked, having to force the word out around the sudden lump in his throat. 'Is she here? Is she all right?'

Neal just looked back at him for long enough that he felt his chest start to tighten with worry. Letting his breath out violently, Neal rubbed his hands across his face. 'She's fine. Great, actually.'

Closing his eyes, Killian felt the tension that had been stewing in him since finding out about the curse flow out of him. She was here, she was safe. She wasn't alone.

'She doesn't remember you,' Neal said carefully, and Killian opened his eyes, a relaxed smile sliding across his face despite what Neal had said. Although the idea of his love forgetting about him should have torn him to pieces - and it truly did bother a part of him - he at least knew how to find her, and that she was all right.

'We guessed as much,' Tink said, and Neal's eyebrows shot up. 'We came across Leroy just before we came here, and he had no clue who we were. We assumed that a part of the curse was a new set of memories, just the original one.'

'The main question at the moment, however,' Killian said, 'is how you remember us, and Emma and Leroy don't.'

Neal hesitated again before answering. 'It's not just them,' he said. 'Nobody remembers you. Me included, until the two of you walked in that door and I saw you both.' He looked between the two of them, eyes still slightly wide as though he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing. Or who, rather. 'I had this whole other life's worth of memories in my head that seemed - hell, they still seem so real. I can hardly... Hang on, just give me a second.'

Neal turned away from them, hands rubbing at his face again, and Killian thought he could hear him cursing lowly. He exchanged a quick glance with Tink, who returned it worriedly. David had told him some time ago how confusing it had been to live with two identities in your head, even knowing that one of them was a fabrication. He'd been able to distinguish between the two of them most of the time, but he'd found his personality had changed to accept both parts of his new self.

_What kind of person was Neal battling with?_

_What kind of person was Emma, now?_

'So you were completely cursed, believing yourself to be a different person, right up until you saw us?' Tink asked Neal's back.

'Yes,' Neal said, turning back to them after a few seconds. His jaw was set firmly, as though he'd come to terms with whatever had been going on inside his head. 'I _was_ a different person. We all are.'

'Then why did just seeing us force you to remember, when Leroy had no idea who we are?' Killian asked.

'I don't -'

'Because you weren't affected by the original curse,' Tink said, interrupting Neal. They both turned to look at her, and she shrugged. 'I've seen it before, where a counter-curse is cast, but people who weren't involved in the original spell react differently to it than to the people who were originally cursed.'

'The original curse started to weaken as soon as Emma came to Storybrooke,' Neal said. 'Maybe your presence here is enough to start weakening this one. And maybe the weakest parts of the curse are the people who weren't originally a part of it.'

'Emma wasn't cursed,' Killian said quickly.

'Yeah, but she's the key to breaking this one,' Tink said, dashing his hopes before they could form. 'If she remembers who you are as soon as she sees you then the curse will be done just like that. Magic just isn't that easy. It may be weaker around Neal because he wasn't involved originally, but I can guarantee you that it will be stronger around Emma than anyone else.'

'Who else, then?' Killian said. 'Henry? Regina?'

'Ariel, Wendy and her brothers,' Tink added. 'Plus anyone who was spared by Cora along with you.'

'Not many of them will be that much help,' Neal said slowly. 'Most of the people that weren't taken by the curse wouldn't know you anyway, right? Wendy, Michael and John live with Ariel and Eric in Eric's kingdom, so they'd only be useful if we brought them out here, and we can't risk that with the war.'

'War?' Killian asked, alarmed. They were dealing with a war as well as everything else?

'The reason why we can't get to Regina,' Neal said wryly. 'I guess you could say that she's back to her Evil Queen ways, with the help of my father.'

Tink reached out and squeezed his arm, and he smiled down at her sadly. Killian felt bad for the man, to know that he and Gold had been on good terms before the curse and now Gold was apparently the enemy. There was more to ask about, so much more to know, but Killian couldn't seem to follow up on one thought before another took over. 'What about Henry?' he asked, focusing on his family, the most important thing.

Neal's head moved to turn but he stopped, his eyes holding Killian's for a second before they dropped. 'He's back at the castle. I can take you to see him in the morning and we'll find out then.'

Had he been about to look for someone? Killian's eyes narrowed suspiciously and it wasn't until he felt Tink's hand on his arm that he realized he'd stepped forward. 'He's here, isn't he?' he asked, his heart speeding up painfully. When Neal didn't look up at him he pushed past him, his eyes searching the tables frantically, trying to find his step-son. He'd been so close this whole time?

A firmer hand grabbed at him, and Neal pulled him back. Killian spun angrily, his hand curling into a fist before he could help it. 'Just wait a second, all right?' Neal hissed, holding up his free hand as if to placate him. It wasn't working, but Killian managed to restrain himself from hitting him, instead just twisting his arm to pull out of Neal's grip. 'Think about it, Killian. What if he doesn't remember? You can't just barge up to him acting like you're desperate for a reunion if he has no clue who you are. Especially if I need to take you to see his mother. He's going to think you're insane, that we all are!'

'Are you so certain that he'll not know me?' Killian asked, gritting his teeth against the harsher words that wanted to come out.

'We just have to be careful,' Tink said from behind him, her voice quiet and barely heard above the other people in the inn. 'Just let Neal introduce us, and if he recognizes you straight away then no harm done.'

Killian looked between the two of them, trying to ignore the thought that they were ganging up on him. Their words made sense, but that didn't mean he had to like them. Of course Henry would know him.

But even if he didn't, it would only take a kiss with his mother to bring everything back to normal.

He made himself focus on his breathing until it was steady again before he nodded to Neal. 'Fine. Introduce me to my step son,' he said, unable to keep the sarcasm from his voice.

Neal led them across the common room to a booth in the corner where two people sat opposite each other. He should have been more excited to see Ruby but he couldn't take his eyes from the young man who sat with her. Those shoulders were far too broad to be Henry's, surely, but when the man turned around Killian sucked in his breath sharply. Tink gripped his arm but in support this time, and Killian wasn't sure that he would have been able to keep upright without it.

Both Henry and Ruby smiled up at them politely when they stopped at the end of the table. He barely saw the warning look that Neal shot at him, but he swallowed hard and tried to keep himself under control as he stared at Henry harder than he had at anything else before in his life.

There was no sudden flash of recognition, no look of understanding or knowing. Just well-mannered smiles as they waited for Neal to tell them why he'd brought them over.

Neal cleared his throat, looking rather awkward. 'Ah... Henry, Red. These are friends of mine from Neverland.' Killian glanced at him sharply - why did he give that information, of all things? What did they know about Neverland? Or think they knew. Neal ignored him, focusing on his son. 'This is Killian, and this is Tinkerbell.'

Killian held his breath, still waiting for that sudden moment of recognition, but it just didn't come. It took everything he had to press down the despair that was welling in his heart, and he knew he must be doing a poor job of keeping it off his face.

'This is my friend, Red,' Neal continued, 'and my son, Henry.'

Henry twisted further in his chair and offered his hand, which Killian had to force himself to shake instead of using it to pull the boy forward into a hug. But the boy wasn't really a boy anymore. Even though he was sitting, he could tell that he was tall and well-built, and his grip was firm and confident.

He was eighteen now, Killian realized. Time mustn't have frozen like it had in the original curse.

'Pleasure to meet you,' Henry said, nodding over Killian's shoulder to include Tink. Killian stepped back reluctantly. 'My father doesn't talk that much about his time in Neverland. I'd be interested to hear more from the two of you, if you're staying in town a while?'

'Aye, we will be,' he said quickly, offering a tentative smile before he forced it into a more cheerful one. He knew - or hoped - that all he would have to do to break the curse would be to kiss Emma, but for the unthinkable chance that it wouldn't be enough, he had to make sure to charm his way to the lad's good side. Henry had taken to him rather easily after he'd assisted his rescue from Neverland, but it was likely that Henry's personality could be very different now.

But if the new curse had given them personalities similar to their true ones from their lives before they came to Storybrooke, as they'd seen from Leroy - Grumpy - what would Henry be like? He didn't have a true self from the Enchanted Forest.

What would Emma be like?

_Why didn't Henry remember him?_

'Hook?'

Killian stiffened, turning to the wolf girl. Ruby was looking at him with an expression that he'd almost call challenging, and after a moment he remembered how close the moon had looked to full last night. She wore a red cloak that Henry himself had once told him would stop her changing form, but it would be the easiest thing for her to simply push it off her shoulders.

The look in her eyes didn't seem to be remembrance, but where had she heard that name? People in Storybrooke had still called him that after Emma's closer circle had taken to calling him Killian, and Ruby had called him pretty much whatever she felt like at the time, ranging from his name or his moniker to a ridiculous range of pet names.

He'd gotten on rather well with Ruby.

'Do you know me?' he asked cautiously.

Ruby - Red - just shrugged, then glanced pointedly to where his left hand had once been. 'No, I just have eyes. What happened to your hand?'

As tactful as ever. 'Red,' Neal began warningly.

'A crocodile bit it off,' Killian said, bringing his arm up to hold it in front of him, twisting it so that the metal glinted slightly in the light from the lanterns hanging from the walls. Henry stared at it with undisguised interest.

Ruby looked him up and down, clearing assessing him, and after a moment she gave a short nod. 'Welcome to town, Jones.' Her smirk changed to a genuine smile when she turned to Tink. 'And to you, Tinkerbell.'

'We have a few things to catch up on,' Neal said, putting his hand on Killian's shoulder and pushing him backward slightly, away from the table. 'We'll be in Bran's private room if it's free, so just yell out if you need me.'

'We'll be fine,' Ruby said, winking at Henry, who raised his drink in salute. That was something that Killian and Neal had agreed to do together - to take Henry out for his first drink when he was old enough, which had been very likely to be earlier than Emma had said would be old enough. How many other things had he missed?

'It was great to meet you both,' Tink said cheerfully.

Killian mumbled some sort of agreement but Neal was already pulling him away. He barely paid attention to Neal as he spoke to the innkeeper and then headed deeper into the inn, to a private room. 'We'll need something to drink,' he heard Neal say as he dropped into a chair at the table in its centre.

'Ale?'

A pause. 'I think we'll be needing something stronger.'

A few minutes later a cup was thrust into his hand and he tossed it back without bothering to check its contents. The familiar burn of rum ran down his throat, stronger than the stuff he was used to from Storybrooke but damn it felt good to have a decent drink for once. There was a bottle in front of him and he grabbed it, poured another drink, downed it. Forsaking the cup, he brought the bottle to his lips and tipped it back.

'Hey, hey, hey,' Tink said, sitting beside him, grabbing the bottle and pulling it away from him, tipping it so that only a little spilled. Killian reached for it but she slapped his hand - actually _slapped his hand_ - before pouring some into his cup and then putting the bottle out of his reach. 'Share,' she said, pouring some for herself.

'Why doesn't he remember me?' he asked, wishing he could feel as dull as his voice sounded. 'We were wrong, it can't be just because Neal wasn't cursed. There's got to be another reason why he knows us and no one else does.'

'Maybe it's just a fluke?' Neal said, taking a seat opposite them.

'I don't think so,' Tink said. 'I'm still inclined to believe that it's because you were spared from the original curse. You guys surely remember just who Henry is, right?'

Stumped, Killian just stared at Tink blankly, his expression surely mirroring what he saw on Neal's face. Tink sighed far too dramatically. 'He's the truest believer! And whether what he believes in is true or not, since this curse was cast he would have been completely, fully believing in what he thinks his new life is. He's got a whole head full of memories, and his belief is one of the most powerful things I've come across. Unless he finds a reason to doubt his memories, he's going to be stuck with them.'

'And what makes you such an expert?' Killian snapped, not liking what he was hearing.

'I'm not an expert in curses, but you have to admit I know a fair bit about magic. Trust me, with the exception of Emma and Henry, the people who weren't taken to Storybrooke will be the weakest parts of the curse.'

He needed to stop taking his frustration out on Tink, but he felt so completely out of his depth that he really didn't know how to deal with it. And when it came down to it, there was only one thing that he desperately needed to hear about, that could make him feel better. 'Tell me about Emma,' Killian asked Neal, tilting his cup and staring into the dark liquid as though it could offer him some answers. _As long as she's happy,_ he thought. _As long as her and Henry are together, then I can take it._

'Emma's good,' Neal said from across from him. In his periphery he saw Tink hand him the rum and he drank from the bottle just as he had done. 'She thinks that she's Snow's... Mary Margaret's... Well I guess she was both before, anyway. She thinks she's her sister. So she's with her parents, and she knows that she's Henry's mother.' Neal paused, looking between them. 'How long have you been here for? Did the curse leave you in Storybrooke or were you brought here with us?'

'Wait,' Tink said before Killian could answer, and he looked up to see her holding her hand in front of her, her action and her voice hesitant. 'There's something that you're not telling us,' she said uncertainly.

Killian turned back to Neal and felt his heart sink at the stricken look that he caught before Neal tried to hide it. Killian leant forward, resting his elbows on the table. 'Neal, please.'

Neal's eyes dropped to the table and it was a full minute before he looked back up at him. He let out his breath heavily, rubbing his fingers over his eyes again. And then he shifted his chair back slightly, glanced toward the door.

_What the hell was going on?_

'Neal,' Tink said.

'All right, all right, I know.' When he met Killian's eyes again, he almost looked haunted. 'Emma and I... ah, shit.'

'Emma and you what?' Killian asked slowly, reluctant for him to finish the sentence in case it matched anything like what his mind automatically produced, but needing to know. 'Emma and you what, Neal?'

'Emma and I are married.'

Killian's body reacted before his mind could, but apparently he had enough sense to dig his hook into the table rather than reaching across for Neal's neck. A long crack spread along the old table from where his hook had thrust into it. _'What?_ What the bloody hell have you done to her?'

'I haven't done anything,' Neal said defensively, pushing his seat back further as he eyed the hook planted into the table. 'I swear to you, I had no idea that this wasn't actually my life until you walked into the inn just before. Emma has no idea either, she has no idea who you are.'

'You don't get to talk about her,' he snarled, jerking his hook out of the table and pushing off it to stand up. This was too much, too wrong. She believed that she was married to Neal? Of all bloody people it had to be him. A traitorous voice told him that he wouldn't have been able to accept it if it had been anybody else either, but he forced that down with the anger that was quickly taking over him.

It had taken him and Neal a long time to move past what had happened between them in Neverland, and it had been severely hindered by their common feelings for Emma. That animosity had fled a long time ago, especially after Killian had married Emma and Neal had given them his support. But now here he was, playing happy family with Emma and Henry. Killian had only known the pain of separation for the past few weeks, but Emma had spent the last three and a half years in another man's arms.

It was just too much.

Neal was still talking but Killian didn't try and understand whatever bullshit was sprouting from his lips. Picking up his cup, he crumpled the tin with his fingers and threw it across the room. The outburst wasn't nearly enough to settle the fire in his veins. 'Does she love you?' he asked, his voice dangerously soft.

Neal swallowed, his skin turning slightly paler. 'Killian -'

'Does she bloody tell you that she loves you?' he roared.

'Killian,' Tink tried, but the look he gave her sent her sinking back into her seat.

'She does,' Neal said. He was on his feet now too, with the table in between them. 'But Killian, she doesn't -'

'Do you love her?'

Neal hesitated, and that was just about enough to make him snap. 'No. I don't think so. But I remember loving her, both back home and here. It just feels like a very real dream.'

A dream? It had been their _lives_ for _years._ And with that a darker thought took him, dragging him deeper, deeper into the fury that was taking him over. 'She's your wife,' he clarified. Neal nodded slowly, still watching him warily, and Killian stepped back from the table, lifting his hook and rubbing his thumb lightly across the tip. 'You've had her, haven't you?'

Tink shifted uncomfortably from beside him but thankfully kept quiet, and Killian ignored her anyway. Neal's eyes dropped from his, staring down at his hands, which gripped the top of the chair in front of him. 'Yes,' he whispered, and Killian barely heard him, but he did.

And he felt cold, so deeply cold, he felt it in his bones and in his heart. Neal's hand on her, his body over hers, loving her, her loving him. _Loving him_. He turned away, unable to look at him anymore, seeing only his wife, his Emma, in his arms. And it was torture but he needed to know, he needed to see how deep this went. Tensing himself against the truth, he closed his eyes, still grasping onto his hook, the one thing that was familiar and safe. 'When was the last time, Baelfire?'

'Don't call me that,' he snapped, and Killian's grip tightened on his hook involuntarily, the tip piercing the skin of his palm slightly. He ignored the sting, and when he spoke again his voice was about as cold as he felt.

'When was the last time?'

'Last night, okay?'

Killian turned slowly, with no clue how his movements were so controlled when he was falling apart so completely inside. 'Do you want her now?'

Neal looked back at him, his expression incredulous. 'I haven't really given it that much thought, _mate. _What I know of my whole life has just been turned upside down -'

Killian didn't realize that he had crossed the room until he was in front of Neal, but he didn't try to stop himself this time as he fisted his hand in the collar of Neal's shirt, throwing him back against the wall. His hook hovered threateningly right beside Neal's neck, and his wide eyes flickered quickly between Killian and the hook. 'You will keep your dirty fucking hands off of her,' he growled, wanting nothing more in that moment than to just push the hook forwards and sink it into Neal's throat, the sound of blood pumping in his ears drowning out almost everything else.

But when Tink grabbed his arm and tried to pull him away he let her, giving Neal just one last jolt before pushing away from him. He needed air, he needed space... he needed Emma, but he couldn't have her _because she was Neal's._ 'You two sort something out,' he said numbly, waving his hand between the two of them, who were both staring at him with something entirely too close to pity. 'I can't deal with this right now.'

'Wait, Killian,' Neal said, stepping forward from the wall and reaching out to him. The bloody fool just couldn't help himself and if he didn't bloody stop he wouldn't be able to keep from hitting him, and he felt his fist clenching... 'There's more that I have to tell you. It's important.'

Letting out his breath violently, trying to find some semblance of calm, Killian reluctantly nodded. Neal gestured toward the table and Killian stepped back to his previous seat, straightening the chair that he must have thrown over just before. He stared at the blood on Neal's collar for a few seconds before realizing that it had come from the cut on his hand and not from Neal himself. 'Well?' he asked when Neal didn't speak.

'Maybe you should have another drink.' Neal reached for the bottle, offering it to him.

'Oh bloody hell, Neal,' he said, exasperatedly. He couldn't take any more of this avoidance, and if Neal kept offering it he couldn't bring himself to just hang around.

'I know!' Neal said loudly, and it was the look on his face that made Killian's chest tighten. Neal almost looked defeated, and he didn't know what could be worse than having to tell him that his wife thought that she loved him instead, but Neal's reluctance now sent his mind searching for the worst.

'There's a child.' Neal's words interrupted Killian's train of thought, stopping it in its tracks. 'We have a daughter.'

A child? Where before he'd lost all thought and simply acted, he was now stunned into immobility, his thoughts spinning too quickly for him to keep track of. A daughter? Emma had a daughter? If she was older than three years old, then the girl couldn't be Emma's. The curse could have given her somebody else's child to raise as her own, and she never would have known. If she was younger... the child would be Neal's.

'How old?' he choked out, knowing that this sanity likely weighed on the answer.

'She three next month,' Neal said, looking between Killian and Tink. 'How long have we been here for? I can't seem to sort the memories from the time I've actually lived here from the memories that the curse gave me.'

'Think back three years and... seven months,' Tink said, her brow furrowing slightly as she counted back the right time.

'Were you with her then?' Killian asked, his voice sounding hollow even to his ears.

If Neal looked uncomfortable with the question then it was rightly so, but Killian wasn't accusatory anymore, just desperate. 'I think so,' he said, watching Killian carefully. 'Is that how long it's been? I don't - and please don't punch me for this,' he said, holding his hands up defensively before him, 'but I don't remember a time where we haven't been together for too long. I would have been with her then. I feel like we've been married for twenty years, you do understand that, right? We've just always been together since we met, and I must've felt like that from the very first day of the curse...'

Killian tuned him out, double checking, triple checking the math in his head. Tink must've made the same connection that he had, for he felt her hand grasping tightly at his forearm, her nails digging into his skin. 'She wasn't pregnant before the curse?' she asked quietly.

Both sets of eyes were on him, and he didn't really know what to do with that. 'Not that she told me,' he said, feeling defeated.

Neal leaned back in his chair slowly, his expression saying that he'd caught up quickly. 'So she could be yours,' Neal said. 'Or she could be mine.'

The three of them sat in silence for a few minutes, and when Killian reached his hand out for the rum Neal handed it to him wordlessly. His previous anger at his friend was gone, replaced by a range of emotions that he was struggling to compartmentalize. He might have a daughter, but there was no way to know for sure. Their only chance at an actual confirmation either way lay completely with Emma, and only if she'd actually known if she was pregnant before the curse had taken her away.

Emma. Pregnant with his child.

And she hadn't told him.

Or she hadn't been pregnant, and had borne Neal another child.

'Tell me about her,' he said, struggling to talk around the lump in his throat.

A smile appeared on Neal's lips almost immediately, small though it was. 'Her name is Eva,' he said, his voice suddenly warmer than any of theirs had been tonight. 'We named her for Emma's mother. I mean, well, Snow's mother, but Emma thinks that she's hers. She's a hand full,' he said, but fondly. Neal looked at the cup in his hands, passing it from one to the other and back again. 'She's beautiful,' he continued quietly. 'She has Emma's eyes, and her hair is dark like Snow's.'

He stopped abruptly, glancing up at Killian before looking away again, but Killian didn't miss the way that his face fell when he'd looked at him. For the first time it really occurred to him that it wasn't just his world that was falling apart. Since he'd laid eyes on himself and Tink, Neal had lost his wife and possibly his daughter, and who knew what else. Even if that wife hadn't truly belonged to him anyway, Killian knew all too well what it was like to lose somebody so abruptly, and Neal had memories lasting a lifetime of Emma and Henry and Eva that weren't even real.

_Eva._

'Can I meet her?' Killian asked softly, feeling more uncertain than he had for a long, long time. Would he know straight away? Would she look like him, act like him?

If she was his daughter, how would she feel about him just turning up in her life now? What the hell were they supposed to do?

'Yeah, of course,' Neal mumbled, and Killian wanted to call him out on his less than definite tone but decided against it. 'Listen, I've got to head back to the castle.'

'Wait,' Killian said, jumping to his feet as Neal stood up. 'You can't just leave now. We have to figure out what to do, you have to tell us what's going on here.' He had more questions about Emma and Eva (_his daughter?)_ and he'd barely asked about Henry or anybody else.

'I'll come back tomorrow.' Neal pushed his chair back in and drained his cup before setting it down on the table. 'I'll come in the morning. I just need some time to figure everything out, okay? And I need to get Henry home.'

Killian nodded slowly, sinking back into his chair. A part of him knew that he should get up and tell him goodnight, perhaps go out and catch another glimpse of Henry before he left, but he couldn't find it in himself to even look up. After a few moment he heard footsteps crossing the room, quiet words between Neal and Tink that he didn't pay attention to, and then the door opened and closed.

The chair pulled out again beside him, and he saw out of the corner of his eye as Tink perched herself on the edge of it, fiddling with the hem of her tunic. 'Do you want to talk?'

'No.'

A pause. 'Do you want to drink?'

Another pause, longer. 'Aye,' he whispered.

She returned after a few minutes, a bottle in each hand. His cup was ruined anyway but she forsook hers as well, lifting the bottle to her lips and throwing her head back much like he did. She didn't try and touch him more than a quick grasp here or there, and she didn't force the conversation onto him that he knew she'd be wanting but he knew he couldn't bear to have just yet.

_What do we do now?_

They drank in silence until the rum was gone, and then dragged each other through the inn and up the stairs to the room that Neal had organized for them. There was only one bed and they fell onto it side by side, and Killian didn't even have the presence of mind to kick off his boots before he passed out.

**AN: This chapter has a lot of feelings and I really hope I got them out right.**

**Review?**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Here, have another chapter. I've actually had a productive weekend, AND written this chapter today, so huzzah for me!**

**Chapter Seven**

Killian looked up as Tink slipped into the booth opposite him, and wasn't surprised to see that she looked just as worn as he felt. He had no clue what time they'd gone to bed the night before, but he had found himself awake long before the sun rose, his thoughts too cloudy to let him drift back asleep. He'd spent the hours lying on his back, staring at the ceiling, trying to make some kind of sense of his thoughts. He hadn't gotten very far.

'Morning,' she mumbled, grabbing a sausage from the plate in front of him and taking a bit from it.

'Get your bloody own,' he growled, wrapping his arm around the plate to guard her off as he speared the other sausage with his fork.

'Why, when I can eat yours?' He glared at her but there was little menace in it, and after a second the corner of her lip curled up in the barest hint of a smile. 'At least we're here, right?'

Right. Sighing, he put down his fork and leaned back on the bench seat. 'That's true, but what have we come to? Things aren't as simple as we thought they would be.'

Tink nodded slowly. 'Do you want to talk about her? Eva?'

'Not particularly.' Eva was all that he had been able to think about since he'd woken, her and Emma and Henry, and he still found himself with absolutely no idea of what he felt about everything. No matter what the outcome turned out to be, he'd lost something. If Eva was his daughter then he'd missed her first years, and she believed that Neal was her father. Even if the curse broke it would surely devastate her to find out that Neal wasn't her father, and would she then see him as the enemy for breaking that relationship apart?

And if Neal truly was her father, where would that leave him and Emma now? Even if when she woke from the curse she didn't harbour any remaining feelings for Neal, that was just another link between them that he was left out of. He'd never resented Neal's position as Henry's father, and had never tried to come between them, but this was different... Emma was his _wife_, and as much as he knew he couldn't blame her for this if it were true, it still felt _wrong_, that she'd borne a child for another man.

There was just too much to think about, too much to feel, and he hadn't been able to figure out how to deal with any of it yet.

Thankfully, Tink seemed to understand, and she didn't try to push it. 'It was good to see Neal,' she said instead. 'Despite, well, everything, it was good to see someone that we know. And for him to remember us, too. That's got to make things easier.'

He was reminded yet again that her last few years had been very different from his, and how lonely she must have been with only his unconscious body for company. 'It was good,' he agreed, and she was right, despite everything that had come from their reunion, he was glad that they wouldn't be alone in their quest. Having help from inside the castle was the best thing that they could come across, and regardless of that, it had been a relief for him as well to see his friend again. Once he'd reminded himself that he hadn't known what he was doing when he was -

'And Henry,' Tink said, interrupting his thoughts before they could complete their darker turn. 'It must have felt good to see him again.'

He felt himself smiling suddenly despite himself. 'It was,' he agreed. 'He's grown up rather quickly, hasn't he?'

'Yeah.' Leaning across the table, she grabbed the mug from in front of him and lifted it to her mouth, stopping before she could drink it. Her nose scrunched up and she tipped it to get a better look at the contents. 'What the hell is this?'

He snorted. If only she'd actually drunk it, it would teach her for taking his breakfast. 'Tea, apparently. Some sort of herbal concoction that the cook says will get rid of my hangover. They didn't have anything as mundane as coffee.'

'It does work,' a voice said from beside them, and they both looked up as Neal slid onto the seat beside Tink. 'Although it doesn't usually smell that foul,' he added thoughtfully. 'I betcha that that's Bran's payment for ruining his table.'

Killian scowled at him. 'The gold I paid him was payment for ruining his table.' Taking back the mug, he reluctantly threw back the last of the horrible drink, trying not to shudder at the taste. 'Speaking of,' he said to Tink, 'we're almost out of the money you took from that first village.'

'Well isn't that just a happy coincidence.' Neal pulled a large purse from his belt and dropped it onto the table, pushing it to sit between him and Tink.

Eyeing Neal warily, Killian pulled the purse the rest of the way toward him and tugged the strings open, peering inside. His eyes flickered up to Neal quickly and then back again, before he pushed it back across the table. 'We can't take this much,' he said quietly, knowing very well that he couldn't decline all of it and hating himself for that.

'But you will,' Neal said lightly, as if it were nothing, as if it weren't enough to feed a village family for a year. 'It's the family's money, not just mine, and you're both a part of this family, even if nobody knows it.' His tone was nonchalant but his expression said clearly that he wasn't taking no for an answer. After a moment Killian nodded and took the purse back.

'Thank you,' he said quietly.

'It's fine.' Neal gave Tink a long look before turning back to Killian. 'Look, I know this whole thing is messed up, but we've moved past it before. The main thing is for you to break the curse, and I'll do anything I can to help you with that. And for the sake of honesty...' He took a deep breath, rubbing the back of his neck, and Killian's eyes narrowed at him slightly, unsure of where he was going with this. 'You know that before all this, I still cared for Emma, and I always will because she meant a hell of a lot to me, but I figured it out that we weren't right for each other anymore. This curse complicates all of that again - I mean, just yesterday I was in love with her again, and it's kind of hard to get my head around all that - but I have no designs on her, Killian. However, you must know that I can't just up and leave her until the curse is broken. Whether it's real or not, she thinks she loves me, and I won't hurt her like that.'

Swallowing hard, Killian kept his eyes on his forgotten breakfast, trying his hardest to not let his frustration get the better of him. Unfortunately Neal was right. 'Fine,' he said, 'but only because I won't _let_ her get hurt like that. And don't even think that it's all right for you to -'

'I'm not going to sleep with her,' Neal interrupted, and he actually had the gall to look _annoyed._ 'But you can't lose your shit when you see us together tonight.'

'Tonight?' Tink asked quickly, leaning forward in her seat.

'We're hosting a ball for James' birthday. Snow and David's son,' he explained at their blank looks. 'He's two. The two of you are going to come, and I'll introduce you as friends of mine from Neverland. That's partly what the money's for, since you'll have a hard time getting appropriate clothes with so little notice, and you won't be let in dressed like farmers no matter what strings I pull. You can meet Eva if she's still up when you get there, and you can meet Emma.'

There were entirely too many questions that that opened up, and Killian just stared at him dumbly for a few seconds. He disliked the way Neal implied that he was _letting _them see them, and he loathed the idea of waiting the full day to see Emma again, but he knew that they had to have some reason to get close enough to see her and the best way to do that was through Neal.

'Why Neverland?' Tink asked before he could say anything. 'What's your story here, Neal?'

As good a place to start as any. 'It's similar to my real one,' he told them. 'I think most people's are, now that I think about it. Snow and David, for instance, have their same history, just allowing for Emma as Snow's sister. And instead of where things turned to shit when Regina's curse came, everyone's lives just kept going on as they were. Everyone's just... happy,' he said simply, shrugging his shoulders. 'Like instead of the misery they had in Storybrooke, their lives got better. The only real bad things that we have to worry about are Regina and Rumpelstiltskin.' He paused, then shook his head, smiling wryly. 'Although I guess that if they've got their personalities from before the original curse, then maybe fighting us and causing strife _is_ happiness for them.'

'So everyone seems to just have their happy ending?' Killian asked, his throat feeling rather tight.

'Yeah, I guess so.'

'And so you're implying that my wife's happy ending is with _you?_'

Neal blinked at him in surprise. 'For God's sake, Killian, that isn't what he's saying,' Tink said exasperatedly. She reached over the table and clicked her fingers in front of his face until he moved his glare from Neal to her. 'Emma doesn't have a whole life from here to revert back to, so she's just a princess with her family.'

'Her happy ending is with her parents,' Neal said quickly, 'and with Henry. The reason why she was so guarded before we came here was because her parents sent her away and I abandoned her, so this has reversed that hurt by having her parents around, even if it's as her sister and brother in law. I'm sure that I was just made to be her husband just so she didn't have to raise Henry alone, and I'm sure that if you'd been brought with us then it would have been you instead of me.'

Tink cleared her throat loudly. 'How about we stick to Neal's story for just a minute, hey?'

Neal looked to Killian and continued when Killian reluctantly nodded his agreement. It wasn't in his nature to just let all of these slights against him go, even if he knew that Neal wasn't truly at fault. 'Well the childhood that I remember is basically the same as my real one,' Neal started. 'Except that I went straight to Neverland instead of London when I went through the portal. I guess that's because Wendy and her brothers are here, so there would have been no reason for me to go from London to Neverland. Neverland was basically the same, just without the two of you there, and I was there the same amount of time and left the same way, but instead of going to the Land Without Magic I just came back here.

'Since then, I've been running from my father. He still refused to give up his power for us to be a family, so I wanted nothing to do with him. I knew the kinds of horrors that he'd caused... I met Emma just after her father married Regina, and Henry was born a few months before Regina first tried to kill Snow.' Killian didn't bother to correct him referring to Leopold as Emma's father, knowing that distinguishing between the real past and the life he'd been living would be confusing. 'Snow fled but we couldn't, not with Henry, but Regina didn't seem to be any threat to us. Didn't even try and use us against Snow. We lived like glorified prisoners with Regina until Snow and David defeated her, and everything's been perfect since then. It's just the last few years that Regina's started fighting back against us again.'

'And your father?' Tink asked.

Neal sighed loudly. 'Yeah, well. Nobody knows me as his son. I changed my name when I came back from Neverland to stop him from finding me, and we've kept the truth just in the family so it doesn't bother the people. But I think he knows. He'd have to. Regina's been attacking us with small armies and with magic, but there's been magical attacks that don't seem like her. The castle is warded against them so they can't harm us here, but there'd be no other reason to attack the kingdom other than because he knows it'll hurt me and my family.'

'He doesn't remember Belle?' Tink said, reaching out and squeezing Neal's hand.

He shrugged. 'I don't know. If he remembers her the same way as their original lives here then it was after I left anyway.'

'What about Milah?' Killian rubbed at his forehead, grateful that at least his hangover did seem to be ebbing, but the heavy topics certainly weren't helping. Neal had told him a long time ago that he no longer blamed him for his mother's death, but it would probably always be an awkward subject between them.

If Neal was still bothered by it, however, he didn't show it. 'He still told me that she died when she left us, so anything else is just rumour, but when I made it back from Neverland there was talk about Rumpelstiltskin's wife running off with a pirate and then him killing her.'

They fell into silence. The memory of what had happened to Milah had become less painful once he'd met Emma, but it was something that would always haunt him. How she'd come to his defence, had bargained for his life, and had ultimately paid for it with her own. The look on her face as she'd told him that she loved him and then had died in his arms.

Letting go of his revenge and learning to live in the same town as the Crocodile had been one of the hardest things that Killian had ever done, but he'd managed it for Emma and her family. Since they'd come back from Neverland the two of them had made an effort to be civil, for Emma and Belle's sake, and for Neal and Henry.

'What do we have to do?' Neal asked, shifting in his seat. Killian wondered if Baelfire still missed his mother as much as he did after all this time. 'What can I do to help?'

'Just get me to Emma,' Killian said, hoping that it really would be just that easy. 'True love's kiss broke the last curse, and Regina implied that it'll be the same thing this time around.'

'True love's kiss can break any curse,' Tink confirmed.

Grateful for any kind of encouragement at the moment, Killian smiled at her in thanks. 'So if I'm the saviour of this curse like Emma was of the last one, all I have to do is kiss her and the curse will be broken.' He felt rather awkward referring to himself as the saviour when that was what everyone had known Emma as, but he supposed that it was the truth. He'd never thought of himself as anybody's saviour.

Neal was nodding. 'All right. Come to the ball tonight, and I'll give the staff your names so they'll let you in without an invitation.'

Tink suggested they make a start on acquiring some clothing appropriate for a ball, and they left the inn. Neal led them through the streets to a tailor that he recommended for speedy work for the right price. Tink had headed through the door and Killian was about to say a goodbye when Neal grabbed his arm, stopping him before he could follow her. 'I just have something to say, all right?' Neal said, glancing after Tink and then around them. Other people were on the street but none close enough to hear as they spoke quietly.

'All right,' Killian said slowly, eyeing the man warily.

'It's about Eva,' he said, and Killian's chest tightened in a way that was starting to feel familiar whenever the girl was mentioned. Neal didn't sound uncertain like he had earlier, and held his gaze firmly. 'I'll keep my distance with Emma, as much as I can without making her suspicious, but I won't distance myself from Eva. I can't. I don't know if she's yours or mine but I love her more than I've loved anyone but Henry before. Even if she's not mine -' He paused, took a deep breath, but continued. 'Even if she's not mine, my love for her is completely real, not just like with Emma where those feelings have been put in my head. I've raised her, Killian, I was there when she was born, her first steps, everything I missed with Henry. I know it's crap that it's you who's missed out this time, but I just can't back off from her like I will with Emma.'

Even though he knew that his words should have only made him feel angry and jealous - and they did, reminding him of everything he'd missed - he couldn't help the sympathy that he felt for Neal. They'd both lost so much, and now Neal had the very real chance of losing the little girl that he loved as his daughter. 'I don't expect you to distance yourself from Eva,' he told him, the name feeling strange on his lips. It was the first time he'd spoken it aloud.

Neal smiled faintly, visibly relaxing. 'Thanks, Killian.'

Killian nodded. Somehow, they'd figure out what to do about it, but there was only so much they could do until they found out the truth. 'I have to apologize for my reaction last night,' he began, starting to feel more awful for Neal the longer that he considered how this was all affecting him as well.

But Neal just waved him off. 'No you don't. As I said, this whole thing is messed up. Just maybe keep the hook threats to a minimum?'

Killian huffed a laugh despite himself. He felt a little better as they exchanged farewells, and he followed Tink into the tailors.

* * *

Grinning widely, Emma did a little twirl in front of the mirror, her hands holding her skirts up so as not to step on them. 'I think this one is my new favourite,' she laughed, taking her hand and spinning her around so she could take in her gown at all angles as well. The soft lavender suited Snow perfectly, the embroidered flowers on the bodice studded with gems.

'It is gorgeous,' Snow said, coming to a stop and taking Emma's other hand in hers as well. 'Just like you.'

'Oh, shush,' Emma said, her smile softening. Leaning forward, she pecked a kiss to Snow's cheek. 'You look lovely as well, Snow.'

The dressmaker had left only a few minutes ago, delivering the final products not a moment too soon. There was only a few hours before their guests were due to arrive, and Snow usually liked to oversee most of the final preparations. Eva sat on a chair nearby with her newest doll, and Emma wouldn't even try to get her properly dressed until closer to the ball, knowing that if she put her daughter into her perfect tiny gown now then it would be a crinkled mess by the time anybody arrived.

Dropping her hands, Emma reached up to adjust Snow's hair slightly. Snow rolled her eyes and pushed away from her, going to stand in front of the mirror and look at it herself. 'I'm still thinking about chopping it all off again,' she said to Emma, taking out a pin and then sliding it back in again, making no difference that Emma saw. 'I could never remember what possessed me to do it in the first place, but now that it's grown back to a reasonable length I'm starting to understand again.'

Emma laughed lightly. 'Everyone at court would be devastated if you do. Too many of them cut it short to match yours, and not all of their hair has grown back as quickly as yours has.'

'Well that teaches them for copying me just for the sake of fashion,' she said, sighing and turning back to Emma. 'At least you're not that impulsive.'

'You girls, impulsive? Never!' Emma started slightly, having not heard the door open, but she relaxed when she saw that it was only Neal. He flashed her a grin, but it didn't quite look as though it reached his eyes.

He'd acted strange last night. He'd come home from drinking in the city with Henry - which she'd never seen the point of, since they had perfectly good alcohol in the castle, but he insisted that it was good for a boy to be around his people. Which was true, she supposed, and Snow and David had encouraged it. The first thing she'd noticed had been the smear of blood on his collar, but he'd shrugged it off, telling her that it was nothing. When she'd asked Henry about it he'd told her that Neal had run into friends that he'd known in Neverland, and when she'd pressed Neal he'd admitted that they'd had a scuffle, but the blood wasn't his, and it was nothing to worry about.

Whatever issue they'd had had been dealt with, he'd said, and he'd told her that he looked forward to her meeting them at the ball tonight. She'd tried to get more information out of him but he'd brushed her off, told her that he was tired and headed to bed.

She'd known that he hadn't been asleep when she joined him, but she let him think that she wasn't aware. She hoped that it truly was nothing to worry about, and she knew that he'd had a hard enough time in Neverland to not talk about it very often, but she hoped that these old friends wouldn't cause any trouble for Neal.

Neal had been gone before she'd woken in the morning, and this was the first time she'd seen him all day. She walked over to him, reaching up to press a kiss to his cheek. 'You shouldn't sneak up on us like that,' she admonished lightly.

He just shrugged, the smile turning into a slightly easier one, and she felt the tension in her shoulders leave her. 'Well you two ladies probably shouldn't insult the members of your court where anyone could hear you. Don't pretend you don't know that your servants gossip.'

'Of course the servants gossip, that's why we were talking after they'd left,' Snow said. She smiled innocently. 'And I wasn't insulting anybody, I was simply implying that perhaps they could choose their own hairstyles instead of copying mine.'

'Yeah, yeah,' he said, but they all knew he was only teasing. Snow was probably the most respectful and polite person she'd ever met, and not one of them believed that she'd say something nasty about anyone, whether they could hear her or not. She'd certainly given Regina more chances than any person had a right to, and even now wouldn't say anything against the woman that wasn't true for the sake of slander.

Neal left them to sit with Eva, and Emma watched them for a minute or so before turning back to Snow. 'I wish Ariel and Eric could have come,' Snow told her with a sigh.

'Next time, hopefully,' Emma agreed, but she changed the subject before Snow's mood could be brought down by just why their friends couldn't be there. She managed to get a few minutes of conversation out of her about decorations and food and guests before Snow ran off to have a hand in the arrangements.

As Snow left Emma turned back to her husband and her daughter and simply watched them, a small smile playing at her lips. Eva was telling Neal all about the doll, which Henry had given her that morning to keep her occupied while everyone was fussing about readying for the ball. He'd shifted her on to his lap and had one arm around her waist, the other stroking her hair every now and then as he listened intently.

_Why did he look sad?_

'I think she'd make fantastic friends with Lola,' Neal was telling her, referring to her favourite doll.

'I think so, too,' Eva said matter-of-factly.

Neal leant down to kiss her on the forehead. 'I have to go get dressed now, honey, or else your mama will be very angry at me,' he said seriously, sending an obvious wink in Emma's direction that Eva laughed at. 'I'll see you at the ball tonight. You'll be the prettiest little princess I've ever seen.'

Eva wrapped her arms around Neal's neck to hug him, and Emma watched as Neal's tightened around her, keeping a hold of her for a good few seconds. She didn't miss the way his face tightened as she pulled away, and when he came over to stand beside her next to the door, his eyes lingered on Eva as she returned to playing with the doll.

Emma watched Neal watching Eva, frowning in confusion. 'Is everything all right?' she asked him, reaching out for his hand.

'It's fine,' he said, but yet again she had the feeling that he was brushing her off. He squeezed her hand gently, and finally turned to look at her again. The corner of his lips twitched up into a half smile as he appraised her. 'You look beautiful, Emma.'

She pushed aside her worries, sure that if something were really bothering him then he'd tell her. She made herself return his smile and turned them to push him toward the door. 'What I look is ready, which you're not,' she said cheekily, and with his laughed she relaxed properly. There was nothing to worry about, and all she had to think about was looking forward to the ball for her nephew tonight.

**AN: Pssst... there might be some interesting interactions between two certain people at a certain ball in the next chapter *wink wink* I'm excited for it :D**

**Review?**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Enjoy the ball!**

**Chapter Eight**

Killian Jones had never enjoyed balls.

He'd been invited to a few in his youth with Liam - one or two had even been held in Liam's honour. He'd been too nervous at first to enjoy them, and then the disdain that some of the members of court showed to the guests and each other had irked him a tad too much to pretend he was having a good time.

And then Liam had died, and he'd put himself on the wrong side of the law to receive invitations to those elitist's parties.

Captain Hook had attended a ball or two, but not so much with the knowledge of his hosts. He had enjoyed those, and the treasures that he'd lifted, a fair bit more.

He knew that there was little chance of enjoying himself tonight. His chest felt tight. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. He was sweating despite the chill of the night, and he'd even almost speared himself through the leg with his hook.

'Relax, would you?' Tink muttered from his side. Apparently he wasn't hiding it as well as he'd hoped. 'You being a stressed out mess isn't going to help anybody.'

He nodded absentmindedly, pretending that he was distracted with the crowd of people around them to avoid answering her, and probably snapping at her. 'Where do you think Neal is?' he asked her instead.

'Probably with any one of these hundreds of guests,' she said wryly. 'I imagine that as soon as he knows we're here he'll find you so you can meet Eva. She's not even three, so she'll either be hyped up by the excitement or exhausted and asleep within half an hour. Or both.'

He eyed her sideways. 'When did you become such an expert on children?'

She shrugged. 'My type of people need to know these things.'

Her type of people. Fairies. They'd decided to keep her identity as a fairy quiet until they had more information on what link the Charmings had with the fairies. It was the fairies protection that kept the castle hidden from Regina and Rumpelstiltskin, but that didn't mean that they'd be guests tonight. Tink said that it could complicate things if the fairies found out that she was one too, since they wouldn't know her, and they'd have to hope that they believed that they were from Neverland. And that the fairies' knowledge of Neverland was minimal.

There was always doubt of how much fairies actually knew, but it was normally more than you wanted them to.

The unfortunate thing was that any of the fairies would recognize Tink as what she was on sight.

Tink certainly looked more like a court lady than a fairy tonight anyway, although she was still wearing a lot of green. He had no clue how the tailor had organized something so well done in such little time. Especially since she'd told him quite firmly that no matter how much he paid her, she wouldn't have the leather trousers that he'd requested until tomorrow, and even if she could, they wouldn't be appropriate for a ball in the castle. By the smirk on Tink's face, he had a pretty good inkling that she'd had a word to the tailor while Killian had delayed to talk to Neal.

Even if he had to resort to pants of a normal material, they were quite a good fit, and he rather liked the vest that he wore over the plain black shirt. The red was a little darker than the colour he'd favoured before he'd taken to black to match his darkening heart, and it reminded him of a time long gone, when he was more carefree.

Killian continued to survey the room. So far they'd seen a few people that they knew, but they'd decided to keep their distance if they could. Killian spotted the dwarfs standing along the wall, all seven of them, and Leroy looked up just as his eyes fell on him. He frowned at them, apparently remembering them from the day before on the street, or perhaps that was just his normal expression these days.

He turned away, hoping that Leroy wouldn't find the need to come and talk to them - he didn't want to have to explain their behaviour yesterday or draw attention to it for anyone else. He opened his mouth to say something to warn Tink to keep an eye on Leroy but swallowed his words when he caught sight of the man approaching them.

'Killian, Tinkerbell.' Henry grinned at them, shifting his grip on the sleeping child in his arms so he could hold out his hand for Killian to shake. 'My father told me that you were coming tonight, I'm glad you could make it. I'm just taking this one upstairs to bed, but I'd love a conversation with you both afterwards.'

'Of course,' he said, the words coming out strained as he stared at the little girl that Henry held. He cleared his throat, trying to give some semblance of normalcy. 'Is this your sister?' he managed, trying for a casual smile.

He felt Tink right beside him and he drew on that to strengthen himself as Henry shifted his grip again. 'Yes, this is Eva. She's been running around like a fool for the last hour in excitement and it's gotten to her, I'm afraid. I'll have to introduce you properly another time.'

Tink stepped forward, taking Henry's attention so he wouldn't notice the panic that he was sure he was completely failing at hiding. He stared at the girl, at Eva. Her head was tucked against Henry's neck and her hand clutched tightly at his shirt even in her sleep. Her dark hair was curled and pinned back so he could see her face, and she was beautiful, she was perfect.

She had Emma and Snow's chin, and he shouldn't have been surprised, but were they his oddly shaped ears or Snow's?. She mumbled something and her lips twitched in her sleep, and was that his smile that he saw on her face? Was this his daughter?

'She's gorgeous,' Tink said, reaching out to tuck a curl of hair behind her ear and Killian wished he could reach out, but he had a feeling that if he touched her then he wouldn't be able to let go until he knew the truth. Shouldn't he know, just from looking at her? Should he be able to feel it, if his blood ran through her veins?

He was starting to think that he didn't know much of anything anymore.

'Yeah, when she's asleep,' Henry joked, looking down at his sister fondly. 'I need to get her upstairs before she wakes up, otherwise she'll be in a foul mood and she'll want to stay up and meet everyone. I'll find you again later,' he said, nodding to Tink and smiling at Killian, and he hoped his face was schooled enough to hide his turmoil.

He held his breath until Henry was a reasonable distance away, then let it out quickly, staring after them. 'She's so...' He trailed off, not knowing where to start.

'I know,' Tink said simply, taking his arm and turning him. He reluctantly looked away from Henry and Eva and let her lead him away. 'You look like you could use a drink.'

There was plenty of wine but no rum and not even whiskey. Killian had hidden a flask of rum on his person but knew that he'd probably need it more later that night so he settled with the wine. They stood off to the side as people mingled and chatted around them, and he caught sight of a few people that he knew but none of them were the person that he was searching for, the one person that he needed.

A group of people parted in front of him and his eyes met Neal's through the crowd, and they held there for the barest second before they settled on the person standing beside him. She was facing away from him, talking to Neal and David, but when Neal saw them he placed his hand on her back, turning her partially in their direction as he said something to her. She looked over to them and Killian's heart didn't just miss a beat, it stopped.

She said something over her shoulder to David and then Neal was leading her across the room, his hand still on her back as they walked through the crowd, and for a moment he didn't even have it in him to feel anger at Neal's hands on her because all he could see was _her, Emma,_ his wife, his love, his light, she was _here_.

And she looked beautiful. Her hair fell in soft curls around her shoulders, which were bare above her strapless, burgundy gown. The corset bodice showed off the curves that he knew so well perfectly before falling to the floor in a full skirt, and she looked every bit the princess that she'd always denied that she was.

'Killian,' Tink said softly from beside him, and he barely heard her but he did catch the warning in her voice. Giving himself a shake, he tried to compose himself but he couldn't take his eyes off of her, he tried to swallow but his mouth was suddenly dry.

_Emma._

Neal and Emma finally reached them, and Neal dropped his hand from Emma's back, switching his drink to that hand as he waved his other in Killian and Tink's direction. 'Emma, I'd like you to meet Killian Jones and Tinkerbell, good friends of mine from Neverland. We were children there together, but when I returned here they traveled to a different land instead. They've only just come here, and they'll be staying here a while.' Neal gave him a pointed look, barely being subtle about confirming their story. 'Killian, Tink, this is Emma, my wife.'

Killian felt frozen in place but Tink moved before his hesitation could be apparent, stepping forward and dropping a curtsy as if she'd been born to do it. 'It's truly a pleasure to meet you, Your Highness. Neal has told us much about you.'

Emma laughed, and the musical sound of it sent a shiver down Killian's spine. 'Emma is fine,' she granted, taking Tink's hand and squeezing it. 'Although I wish I could say the same for the last,' she added, sending a wry glance to Neal. 'I think the most that I've heard of you has been in my husband's introduction just now. We'll have to change that,' she said, smiling warmly at Tink.

Hearing her referring to Neal as her husband but seeing her smile so openly did conflicting things to Killian's heart, and he tried so hard to push everything down because he was feeling far too much, but he couldn't focus on anything except for her, finally here in front of him. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms, feel them wrap around him, breathe her in like it could sustain him for the rest of his life. He certainly felt as if he needed her like he needed air. All of the stress and uneasiness that he'd felt since he'd first woken in the hospital was slowly draining away, he'd been so on edge every waking moment since then but seeing her, just being near her was making it all ease away.

He stepped forward as Tink stepped back, and pressed his glass into Tink's hand as he did so. Slipping his hand under Emma's gloved one, he let his thumb rub across her fingers as he lifted it to his lips, bowing over her hand as he pressed his mouth to her knuckles. Oh but how close she was, and all he wanted to do was trail his lips up her arm to touch her skin, and he'd take her in his arms and kiss her and it would all be done with.

They'd made him agree to pick his moment, however, and standing in the ball room surrounded by Emma's family and friends and subjects had been their definition of a bad moment. He didn't share their caution that true love's kiss might not work. He had no doubt that what they had was true love and true love could break any curse, but he'd reluctantly agreed to be careful _just in case_. He'd rolled his eyes at _just in case_ but when they'd brought in things like "for Henry" and "for Eva" he'd reluctantly conceded.

That didn't stop him from wanting to gather her up and devour her, however, especially when her hand tightened slightly in his as he looked up at her for a second before straightening.

'You look lovely, Your Highness,' he told her, and somehow he managed to find his most charming self and push it to the front, and he smiled at her widely.

And the way she smiled back was delightful, it was magical, and _gods how he'd missed her._ 'Please,' she insisted, 'call me Emma.'

He nodded, letting her withdraw her hand but he didn't step back, merely turned his body slightly enough to still include Tink and Neal. 'Very well, Emma,' he said, and her name on his lips truly was like the thrill of a first meeting.

She looked at him curiously for a moment but then she smiled again, and he couldn't help the genuine grin he offered her in return. It faltered when she turned away to speak to Tink and wrapped her arm around Neal's in a way that looked entirely natural, like an everyday action.

And it was, wasn't it?

He closed his eyes, needing a moment to remind himself that Emma was his wife, that he'd have her again, that he'd have his family back soon. The point of this facade wore at him already and that was just from a touch, and the thought of her _being_ with him -

His eyes flew open and he caught Neal's on him, and he couldn't help the hardness on his face or the set on his jaw, couldn't completely contain his anger, which only intensified when he saw Emma still leaning on Neal, and he making no effort to push her away. Before the curse he'd had no objection to her spending time with anybody, had had complete faith in her and their marriage.

But now she believed she was being faithful to her marriage. To Neal.

Neal's eyes were full of apology but right now it wasn't enough. He tried to focus on their conversation, hoping to distract himself from his darkening thoughts and hopefully find some calm in Emma's voice.

'We've met your children,' Tink was telling Emma, because yes, this was such a better topic than where his thoughts had been. 'Eva was asleep, but Henry seems like a wonderful boy.'

Emma laughed again and somehow, miraculously, some of his tension did leave him. She'd laughed at home, not so often at first but when she'd slowly come to accept the happiness that her life had given her she'd let herself enjoy it a lot more. She'd become more carefree around him and Henry, but no matter what she'd always kept a little bit of a guard up around everybody else. That appeared to be gone now, and the ease with which she welcomed Tink into her life surprised him. She'd always been friendly and polite to new people, but never as open as she was now, straight away.

'Henry's a fantastic son,' she said, her whole face lighting up, 'but I couldn't really call him a boy anymore.' She looked up at Neal, who nodded his agreement with her. 'Eva is a marvel,' she continued. 'She's a handful sometimes but I wouldn't have her any other way. Although I think her and James will probably get into some mischief when they're older.'

'Did James even see any of his party?' Neal asked her, grinning.

He waited for her to roll her eyes but instead she just gave another laugh. 'James saw the hall, and the decorations, but he was asleep before anybody arrived. David woke him up for a little while but he threw a tantrum so Granny took him up to bed.' Her gaze faded over their shoulders. 'Speaking of, you'll have to excuse me,' she said, turning her brilliant smile to Tink and Killian. 'I've just spotted Granny and I'd like to check with her that Eva was settled all right.' She pecked a kiss to Neal's cheek before walking away, her skirts brushing his leg as she moved past him.

Turning, he watched her walk across the room, and when someone stepped into his view and he lost sight of her he felt like he'd lost a part of himself again. A hand gripped his arm and his closed over the top of it, drawing all of the offered comfort that he could as he reluctantly lifted his eyes to meet Neal's.

'Are you okay?' he asked quietly.

Killian sighed heavily, returning the small half-smile that he was offered. 'I guess not,' he admitted, lifting his hand to rub at the back of his neck. 'I just... I miss her, and it's hard to be able to see her but to not...' He looked around them. No one was particularly close to them but he lowered his voice anyway. 'I can't wait further than tonight, Neal. You can't expect me to.'

'I don't expect you to,' Neal said quickly, squeezing his arm before letting his hand drop. 'But like I said, just be tactful about it. I don't want her to get hurt.'

'This is to _stop_ the hurt,' Killian said, narrowing his eyes at Neal. 'Kissing her isn't going to hurt anybody, it's going to break the curse and free them.'

'He doesn't mean it like that,' Tink said, trying to step between them.

He let her, moving back. 'However he means it, it's not sounding so favourable,' he said, scowling at the two of them. 'I'm going to find my wife and kiss her. Our love will break the curse and everything will return to normal.'

Ignoring Tink's protest he turned and walked away, pushing through the crowd of people. He came across a servant with a tray of wineglasses and he stopped him, making him wait as he drained two before taking a third, not caring what he looked like to anybody who was paying attention. Let them all think he was a drunk - it wasn't like they knew him anyway.

He wanted to find Emma but he knew he was in no frame of mind to face her right now. He was _frustrated_, with the situation, with Neal, with himself. With the people around him, the crowd and the noise, and he just needed some space, some air, to clear his head and calm himself down. Spotting a wide set of doors along one wall, he made his way through the guests toward them, and was relieved to see that they did in fact open to a terrace.

He slipped outside, grateful to see only a few other people there, and found a quiet space with relative privacy. Leaning against the railing, he looked out over what would have been a fantastic view of the kingdom in daylight. As it was, it a spectacular sight, with lights dotting the landscape all over from various villages and towns that were in sight of the castle.

Killian sighed and put his drink down on a surface beside him so that he could rub his hand across his face, running his fingers through his hair and pulling on it as if he could pull it out. He knew what was bothering him, and that knowledge itself was probably what was troubling him the most.

She was _happy._ She had her family that she loved and who loved her, two perfect children to care for and her parents to be there for her. His Emma had had that, and they'd been happy, she'd been happy, but he'd known how much she'd appreciated every small moment because of all of the harder ones she'd had to work through to get to a good life. He'd thought that it had been enough for her, but now she appeared to be more carefree, like happiness was something that she didn't expect to have to fight for, it was just her right.

Which is what he wanted for her. What he'd always wanted for her.

And this curse had given her what he couldn't.

This was the life that she should have lived, he was realizing further and further with each moment. Neal knew that, which was why he was acting so cautious about taking that away from her. If her memories came back to her would all the pain of her youth come with it? Or would the memory of this new life, the lingering effect of this new personality be enough to balance that out?

The Emma that he knew would've dreaded the idea of wearing such a cumbersome gown and the life that came with it, but the Emma of this world clearly loved it. She held herself differently, spoke more carefully, reacted differently. The cynicism was gone, replaced with what seemed like a perfect contentment.

How could he take that away from her?

Where could he fit into her world, now?

The rail that he was leaning on shifted very slightly and he started, knowing he must have been deep in thought for someone to sneak up on him. He turned, opening his mouth to give Tink or Neal some smart comment but his jaw snapped shut when he saw Emma there instead. She was leaning on the rail, looking out over the kingdom, a small smile playing at her lips. She was standing close enough to him that if he wanted to he could reach out and touch her but he restrained himself, making himself settle for just watching her, drinking her in.

Although it might be selfish, he knew right then that it wasn't in him to not break the curse. Even though it would bring back her haunted past, even though it would pull everybody a little bit away from their perfect happy endings that they seemed to have here, he couldn't make himself be apart from her. And he _knew_ he made her happy, he _knew _that.

He hoped that having him would be worth the remembered pain that she'd been able to let go of here.

'Not enjoying the party?' he asked her after he realized they'd been standing in silence for the last few minutes.

She didn't turn to him, but he saw her smile flicker a little stronger. 'I am,' she said lightly. 'I just like to get some air sometimes. And you, my lord?'

_My lord?_ He laughed loudly before he could stop himself. He tried to hold it back but the surprised look on her face when she turned to him only made it harder to stop. 'Oh, I'm no lord, love,' he said, somehow suddenly feeling more at ease.

She raised her eyebrow at the endearment but didn't comment on it. 'My apologies, Master Jones.'

And then there was a smirk on his lips and he just couldn't help himself, he leaned just a little closer and raised an eyebrow in an imitation of her, because normally she would do it in imitation of him. 'Actually, it's Captain.'

Emma frowned at him curiously. 'You were a ship captain in your previous realm?'

'Aye, love, and in Neverland.'

She leaned sideways against the rail, mirroring him as she turned to face him fully, lightly crossing her arms across her stomach. 'I didn't realize that children could captain ships,' she said dismissively, as though she'd caught his bluff.

And she had, just not in the way she thought. Killian was quick in his response, however. 'Well since almost everybody on Neverland is a child, there are a lot of things done by children that you normally wouldn't expect.'

Her eyes widened slightly and then narrowed as she leaned back slightly. 'Everyone on Neverland is a child?' she asked, clearly confused.

Neal had apparently told her almost nothing of the world, it appeared, which was probably good for them. 'Almost everyone,' he clarified. 'There is the odd adult here and there from time to time.'

'I don't understand,' she said slowly, the frown still creasing her brow, and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and smooth it so he picked his glass up instead.

'Neverland is a place where children can never go old,' he explained, keeping his tone light and trying not to dwell on the harder memories of that place.

'It sounds like a dream,' she said almost wistfully, and he was reminded of what the residents of Storybrooke had told him of their world's stories of that place and Pan. 'Why did the three of you leave?'

He didn't need to forge the sadness to his smile. 'Everyone has to grow up eventually,' he said, thinking of an entirely different time of his past.

She looked at him, her eyes searching, and he wondered whether she was searching for answers on him or for Neal. He wasn't sure what kind of answers he wanted to give her anyway. Her eyes trailed down him slowly and he suppressed a shiver at the idea of her scrutinizing him. What would she make of him, now? What would the polite and proper princess make of him?

Her gaze settled on his left arm, on his hook, and he felt his heart sink a little. He'd rarely been ashamed of his missing hand, and during most of the few times that he'd felt self-conscious about it he'd managed to hide it behind bravado. He'd been nervous about it the first time Emma had made him show her the bare skin and scars of his wound, but she'd been perfect in the way she'd let him know that it didn't bother her, that it was just another part of him. Somehow, tonight he felt... less, because of it.

What would a princess want with a one-handed pirate?

'Henry tells me that you lost your hand to a crocodile,' she asked carefully, eyes darting up to his to gauge his reaction.

He could have continued with that story but he didn't want to lie to her, not even now. Not about something like this. 'A man took my hand,' he told her. 'I was defending somebody that I cared very much for, and he took my hand and took her life.'

A heaviness settled on him and he wanted to look away from the sympathy that was immediately on her face, but he couldn't. The light that seemed to emanate from her had faded slightly for the first time since he'd laid eyes on her tonight, and he hated himself for taking that away from her. He'd truly never seen a soul more beautiful, and he knew that he'd love her no matter her life, no matter her upbringing, because she was still Emma where it counted, she was still the person who had brought him back from the darkness that had held him for so, so many years. 'I'm sorry,' she said softly.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he finally turned back to the night, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the railing. Downing the rest of his drink, he set the empty glass aside. His automatic response was to seek another drink, to drink away his pain and worry, but even just being around Emma was making him feel calmer, was easing the ache in his heart that her absence had caused.

They stood in silence, and it was surprisingly peaceful. After a little while she turned with him to lean against the railing again. 'It's beautiful,' she sighed, and he smiled, turning his head to agree with her.

She was closer than she had been last time, by accident he was sure, but he found himself just inches from her. He looked down at her, just looked at her, taking in the smoothness of her skin, the golden hue of her hair that had an almost unnoticeable hint of grey streaking that hadn't been there when he'd last seen her. There were just a few more lines around her eyes when she smiled, but she still looked glorious, more so in his mind and heart for the time he'd spent away from her. 'That it is, love,' he said solemnly.

The corners of her lips twitched and she turned her head, her eyes widening when she realized how close they were. She turned fully toward him and her eyes flickered to his lips in surprise but he knew she was about to step back. But he'd had enough, he'd been without her long enough and had spent most of his time since he'd woken imagining how it would feel to have his arms around her, his mouth on hers, their bodies pressed together.

And so before she could step away he leaned forward, capturing her lips with his as his hand moved to cup the back of her head, his fingers twining into her curls as his left arm came around her waist, holding her in place as he stepped forward, closing the last bit of distance between their bodies. She stood frozen, her arms trapped between them as he kissed her, and he felt his heart soar as her lips moved automatically against his, as though it were such a natural thing for them to do, because it was, and she only had to remember it.

She gasped and he deepened the kiss as her lips parted just enough to let him in, and he knew this must be it, her remembrance, the curse broken by true love's kiss. He'd not witnessed it before but surely that was the cause for the way his world felt like it was shifting and being put back together, his troubles solved completely from being in the arms of his love. He felt it in his heart, in his bones, that there was nothing more right in the world than this.

Emma stiffened in his arms and then started to pull back and he let her go, knowing how difficult the onslaught of information must be that would be flooding her mind. He dropped his arms reluctantly as she stumbled back, tripping slightly on her skirts.

She stared at him, confused and... surely that wasn't anger? But yes, that was definitely anger as she stalked back up to him, and he didn't realize what she intended as she pulled her arm back until she swung it forward, her open palm slapping across his cheek hard enough to have him stagger back a step or so.

'How dare you?' she hissed, looking around wildly, and he realized she was searching for other guests. They were alone on the terrace now but he hadn't bothered to check, he'd had complete faith in his task and their love and hadn't even considered the option that his kiss wouldn't wake her.

But she was very clearly Princess Emma, with no memory of him, and as she raised her hand and slapped him again he didn't even have the presence of mind to try and stop her, just stared at her dumbly as she seethed in front of him as his cheek stung. 'How dare you presume to touch me like that, to _kiss me?_ Regardless of that I'm married, I'm the wife of _your friend!_ What kind of person are you?'

She was looking at him with such an expression of disgust and confusion that he felt something inside of him break. She'd never looked at him like that, not even when they were on opposite sides when they'd met in the Enchanted Forest, not when she'd abandoned him or he'd done the same to her.

That wasn't even the worst of it, no. He could have taken that look from her before, but now it was just an added weight to the harsher truth. She didn't love him, not enough. He wasn't worthy of the true love that should have broken the curse. Or maybe it was his heart that wasn't big enough. She'd breathed life into it when he'd thought that there were no other chances for him, but perhaps it had been too late for him. He loved her with everything he had, but perhaps his darkness wasn't capable of the true, pure love that was needed.

Emma was still staring at him, still wide eyed and waiting as if for answers, but he had none to offer her. 'I'm sorry,' he whispered, knowing it wasn't enough, it never could be enough, not from him, but it was all he had to offer. Her brow furrowed in confusion but there wasn't an explanation that he could offer her that would make any difference, so he left, pushing past her as he fled the terrace and he wanted to turn back and apologize for that too but he couldn't take the look on her face, couldn't take the truth that her ignorance forced upon him, couldn't take it, couldn't take it.

Killian heard Tink before he saw her, and thank the gods because if he hadn't found her straight away he'd have left without her. She stood with her arms crossed across her chest and her face determined. Mother Superior - or the Blue Fairy, he supposed - was hovering in the air in front of Tink's face, looking just as unwavering. 'Even if you are a fairy from Neverland, why are you big for no reason?' the Blue Fairy asked suspiciously.

'There was no magic in the world we've just come from,' Tink answered firmly, her voice slightly monotonous as though she'd been answering questions for a while now. 'I'm used to being the same size as the people I'm around, and I rather like it. I'm not under your jurisdiction so I'm not covered by your rules.'

The Blue Fairy's eyes narrowed for a moment but then she nodded. She started to say something else but Killian ducked between them, grabbing Tink by the arm. 'We have to leave, Tink,' he said, keeping his eyes on the ground, hoping no one else would see the emotions spiraling inside him on his face.

'But -'

'Tinkerbell,' he said firmly, glancing up at her, and whatever she saw had her mouth dropping open in surprise for half a second before she snapped it shut and nodded sharply.

'You'll have to excuse us, Blue.'

Blue let them go after making Tink promise to contact her when she could to discuss Neverland and the different magic there, and then Killian was dragging her through the room, not paying mind to the dancers that they jostled or the people they bumped into. At the doors to the ball room he couldn't help it, he turned back and even though it was Emma that he was looking for his heart shattered anew when he found her watching him from the doors to the terrace, confusion still clouding her features. He felt caught in her gaze, his breath caught in his throat, but then her eyes dropped to the ground and, feeling more empty than he had in a long, long time, he turned and led Tink out of the hall and out of the castle.

**AN: So I'd just like to say first - thank you to everyone who's stuck with a Captain Swan fic that hasn't had any interaction between the main characters from chapter two until chapter eight. I know that's probably not the norm, but from here on out it'll be ****_mostly_**** interactions between the two of them. And now Emma's points of view will be more frequent as well.**

**To clockadile: you don't have to slap him, Emma did it for you! Twice!**

**And to everyone - I needed a bit of a pep up today so I went back and re-read the reviews for this fic and my other ones too, and I realized that a fair few of them are from the same people, so I'm letting you know that I see you and I appreciate it like you wouldn't believe, and I love you all.**

**Review?**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: I'm sorry for the delay in posting compared to how quickly I've updated previously. Life is busy this time of year, plus the mid season finale absolutely killed me. Thank you for the feedback from last chapter, I got a huge mix of "poor Killian" and "idiot Killian" and mixtures of both.**

**Chapter Nine**

Press and stretch, fold, turn, repeat.

_What had he been thinking?_

Press and stretch, fold, turn, repeat.

_What had I been thinking?_

No. She couldn't put it on herself. The only thing shed done was been friendly and welcoming to a man who was new to the area, who apparently meant a lot to her husband - even if she'd never heard of him before.

Perhaps a little too welcoming.

No! She had not done anything wrong.

Press and stretch, fold, turn, repeat.

It was still early in the morning but Emma had already been awake for hours. She'd skipped the dining hall for a quick bite straight from the kitchen and had gotten straight to work. The servants had been awake and busy for much longer than her but there was always something to do. Keeping her hands busy in the kitchens was one of her favourite things to do when she needed to think, and the staff knew that if she was quiet it was best to leave her be. She spent enough time here with a smile and a laugh to have earned the right to take to her thoughts in privacy here.

She also liked to come here when she didn't want to think, which was why she was there now. She could lose herself in the rhythmic movements of whatever task she took to, idly listen to the constant chatter that she faded out to a low hum, forget what was bothering her for a time. Avoid her worries before she made herself face them.

But today her mind wouldn't stay quiet. She wanted to block everything out for just a little while before she figured out just what she was going to do, but every time she thought that her mind was cleared and she let herself relax, his smile would appear in front of her eyes, or the shocked look that had been in his. The way his mouth had moved on hers as he held her _so tightly_, the desperate sigh that had escaped him when her lips had stupidly parted for his. His hand in her hair, the way he'd smelled -

_No!_ She pushed harder at the bread dough, telling herself that yes, it was that easy to push her thoughts into order. Even if she couldn't keep her mind clear then she'd at least think about what she was supposed to.

She had to figure out what she was going to do about him. Killian Jones. The captain from Neverland, who had spent the last however many years in a land with no magic. She couldn't imagine a place so bizarre, or an entire realm that held only children. She knew that time didn't move forward there, which was how Neal had been there so long and had returned still a boy, but he'd never told her that everyone there had been a child as well._ Almost everyone_, she reminded herself, remembering Killian's correction the night before, accompanied by his thoughtful smile.

He was intriguing, and so was Tinkerbell. She hadn't realized she was a fairy until Blue had told her. Neal had known, of course, though she'd been surprised to find out that he'd had a fairy as a childhood friend and hadn't told her about it. She understood why he didn't like to talk about his past because of his father, but Neverland didn't sound like a truly terribly place. How horrible could children and fairies be?

Something had been off about Neal for a few days now, and even though she couldn't really place just how he was acting differently, it did seem to have coincided with Killian and Tinkerbell's arrival. She had been willing to let him leave the past where it was, but now she was starting to think that some of the things he hadn't told her about were things that she should know.

_He hasn't actually done anything wrong_, she reminded herself. He was allowed to be a little on edge if his past had suddenly appeared in town.

_You, on the other hand,_ she thought. _What kind of wife kisses a strange man with her husband and son in just the next room?_

Huffing loudly, Emma stepped back from the bench, leaning heavily on the edge. Closing her eyes, she leaned over and bowed her head, trying to get some semblance of order to her thoughts.

He had kissed her and yes, she had kissed him back. For the barest of seconds she had responded automatically, as if kissing Killian Jones was the most natural thing in the world. His arms around her had felt familiar in a way that terrified her, and she'd been so shocked that she didn't even think to push him away in that first moment. But then the realization of what he was doing, what they were doing, hit her like a fist in her stomach and she'd been furious with him, with herself.

And what was she supposed to do about it now?

Normally she'd go to her sister if she had something to work through - there were no secrets between herself and Snow. But she knew what Snow's advice would be, to let Neal decide what to do about it since it was his friend who had acted out of line. Even if that was probably the correct course to take, Emma wasn't sure that it was the right one.

She knew she should tell Neal, but she couldn't rid herself of how broken Killian had looked when she'd pushed him away. The hollowness in his eyes was deeper than she'd ever seen. A normal reaction to the rejection of a drunken advance would normally be of embarrassment or frustration, or maybe he should have tried to laugh it off, but Killian had looked like his life was falling apart before his eyes.

And that just didn't make sense.

There was something different about him, something that she couldn't put her finger on, and against her better judgement she decided that she wanted to. There was clearly something deeper to him if he'd reacted so strangely to her pushing him away, and if Neal sent him away then she'd never find out what that was.

She found that she didn't want to do that to him, either. If Killian and Tinkerbell had come from another world then it was probable that they didn't know anybody else in the Enchanted Forest but Neal, and she didn't want to be the cause of someone being alone.

No matter what hardships she'd been through, she'd always had somebody by her side. When first their mother and then their father had died she'd had Snow to lean on, and when Snow had had to flee for her life she'd had Neal and Henry. Now she had everyone she needed, more family and friends that she could wish for.

She tried to focus on them, but those pained eyes kept swimming in front of hers. Why the hell had he gone and kissed her, anyway? Surely he couldn't have thought she was interested in reciprocating. Sure, it was probably her who had gotten so close to him initially but it hadn't been on purpose - they had just been enjoying the view.

_It's beautiful._

_That it is, love._

Pushing the dough further out than she needed to, she folded it back at rotated it. He hadn't seemed drunk, unless he hid it well. And he'd met her only a few minutes before, introduced as Neal's wife, they'd talked about _her children._ But even if she'd been unwed, younger, she still would have been affronted by his forwardness. She was a princess! She could have thrown him in a cell for even touching her, let alone kissing her so thoroughly. And maybe she would have, if he hadn't kissed her so well -

_No!_

She did not enjoy it, he was not a good kisser, and his arms hadn't felt nice around her. Scowling, she clenched a fist and punched into the mound of bread dough violently, wishing she could maintain some sort of control on what was happening in her head, because half of the things she was thinking were just wrong.

'I know I'm nothing of a baker, but aren't you supposed to let it sit for a while before you do that?'

Spinning around, Emma found Neal watching her with a cheeky grin on his face, arms crossed loosely over his chest as he leaned back on the opposite workbench. 'How long have you been standing there?' she asked, her heart beating a little too fast.

'Long enough to know that something's bothering you.' The smile on his face slipped slightly. 'You weren't in bed when I woke, nor were you at breakfast.'

He'd come to check on her. Which she'd normally appreciate, but right now all she'd wanted was some privacy to think. Not that it was doing her much good.

She frowned at him slightly, caught in her uncertainty. Should she tell him that Killian had kissed her?

'It's nothing too important, just a few things I have to work through,' she said, hoping that that was true. She'd find out more about Neal's friends - and what had caused Killian's actions - before she condemned him to Neal's anger.

Neal looked at her thoughtfully for a few seconds before he gave a little half shrug and smiled again. 'Did you have a good time last night? I didn't see that much of you.'

'It was fun,' she said lightly, turning back to her workbench. He followed her, coming to stand on the other side, opposite her as she set the dough aside and spread some more flour on the bench for the next lot. 'Did you enjoy it?' she asked, keeping her eyes on the mixture as she began that rhythmic press, fold, turn.

'I really did,' he said. 'I'm glad you had a chance to meet Killian and Tink, although I'm not sure why they left so early.' She glanced up at him quickly but he wasn't watching her with any sort of suspicion. 'What did you think of them?'

Emma fumbled in her movements and looked up again but he still hadn't appeared to have noticed anything. 'I only met them briefly,' she said, and either was it was true. 'Tinkerbell seemed quite lovely, although I don't know why you couldn't have told me she was a fairy.' She stopped, blinked, frowned. Looking up at Neal properly, she found him with a curious look on his face. 'I'm sorry,' she said slowly, using the back of her wrist to brush her hair out of her eyes. 'I was confused about why you hadn't told me about knowing a fairy, but it's not as if it really matters. I don't know why I snapped at you just now.' What was wrong with her?

Neal was looking at her intently, but after a moment he smiled again. 'Don't worry about it,' he said, stepping around the bench and taking a hold of one of her flour covered hands. 'I suppose I should have mentioned it, but I've never really thought too hard on it. I've always just known her as Tink.' He squeezed her hand and then dropped it, dusting his hands clean. 'And what about Killian? What do you think of him?'

What did she think of Killian Jones? Crazy, or confused? Dangerous, or misguided? She turned back to her workbench, using her kneading as an excuse to not look at Neal as she thought it through.

Should she tell him?

It wasn't guilt holding her back. She hadn't done anything wrong.

She had to at least find out why.

'I honestly don't know,' she replied honestly after a pause that she hoped wasn't too long. 'He was fairly quiet when you introduced us, but I saw him again a little while later and he appeared friendly enough.'

_Friendly enough?_ She cringed at her own words, and hoped Neal hadn't noticed how unsure she sounded.

'They're both very important to me,' he said after a few seconds that certainly felt awkward to her. 'It would mean a lot to me for you to get to know each other.'

Emma stopped, her hands still in resting in the dough, staring down at it. There had to be something in Neal's past in Neverland that made these people so important to him, but she knew that he wouldn't appreciate being pushed into divulging it if he didn't want to talk about it. But she couldn't shake the feeling that it was important, and if it would affect her then surely she had the right to know.

Perhaps...

'Why don't you bring them by the castle?' she asked casually. 'We have plenty of spare rooms here, there's no need for them to waste their money at an inn. Do you know how long they'll be staying in the city?'

He didn't answer her straight away so she made herself turn and look up at him. He was frowning at her with an expression she couldn't quite place. 'I think they might be staying a while. Are you sure that's something you're all right with?'

'I don't see why not. It'll be easier for you, won't it?'

'Yes,' he began.

'Well then it's settled,' she said, interrupting him. She couldn't think of why he seemed hesitant but she pushed it to the back of her mind to join the way that his smiles were starting to not quite reach his eyes. He'd been acting just the slightest bit strange since Killian and Tinkerbell had come back into his life, and if he wasn't going to talk to her about it then she'd find someone to fill her in, who also owed her an explanation for his confusing behaviour the night before.

And if they took rooms in her family's castle, she could keep an eye on them.

'All right,' he said slowly. 'I'll let them know.'

'You could send someone,' she suggested.

'I'd rather go myself. I have a few things to speak to them about anyway.'

Her thoughts were battling again in her head. If Killian told him what happened and she hadn't spoken to him of it...

...Then she had a perfectly good reason, which she shouldn't feel guilty for. Neal was already behaving a little strangely, and she didn't want to add to whatever was worrying him with something that hadn't meant anything. At least until she talked to Killian.

Neal stepped up to her and she leaned up to kiss him but his lips landed on her forehead instead. He was gone before she could pull him down to correct that, stepping back and flashing her a smile before turning away from her. 'I'll be seeing you later today,' he told her over his shoulder as he walked from the room.

Emma frowned after him. 'I'll see you,' she said quietly, confused, even though he was already out the door.

* * *

Killian woke, and reached for the rum.

He'd drunk himself to sleep the night before, knowing it was his only chance at rest and mostly failing even so. He remembered settling the half empty bottle on the ground beside his bed so he could start drowning his pain as soon as he woke, but his hand felt only the ground when he reached down. Assuming that he'd either put it further away or it might have rolled, he stretched further, hanging himself half off the bed and wincing when his head protested the movement with a heavy throbbing.

The only thing his hand came in contact with were floorboards. Resting his head against the side of his mattress, he groaned softly, still only half on the bed, but not quite finding the incentive to move.

'That can't be comfortable.'

He didn't need to open his eyes to know it was Tink who spoke, and he didn't need to be fully awake to know that he didn't want to deal with her right now. 'Bugger off, Tink,' he said gruffly into the mattress, but after a moment he pulled himself back up and turned onto his back, covering his eyes with his forearm. Why the hell had she opened the curtains?

'I don't think so,' she said, and then there were footsteps as she came closer to him. The bed dipped slightly but Killian didn't react except to press his arm harder against his face. They stayed that way for a few minutes in silence until the pounding in his head started to increase to something near unbearable, and even that was nothing on what else was going on inside his head.

The things he was trying to forget.

The way she'd felt in his arms. The way she'd smelt - her perfume was different but it had never been able to completely cover her own scent and that was still achingly the same. The way she looked - not just to look at her again, but how _happy_ she was. How she'd tasted, how she'd started to kiss him back before...

Before she'd pushed him away. Before she'd unknowingly told him that theirs wasn't true love, that he'd never really deserved her after all.

'Did you take my rum?' he said suddenly, his voice more of a growl than he'd intended but damn it, he needed _something_ to dull his emotions.

'I might have,' she said lightly, and he finally opened his eyes, squinting at her against the light in the room, but he could see her unapologetic shrug quite clearly. 'You don't need it.'

'Bugger off, you don't know what I need.' Forcing himself upright, he ignored how his head spun as he stood and reached for his shirt. He'd managed to get that and his boots off before stumbling into bed the night before, as well as removing his hook, but the brace was still in place so he didn't have to try and fumble that on with the mood he was in.

He didn't look at her as he picked up the hook, but he could feel her eyes on him. 'You wouldn't think so, would you?' she said, and the casualness she'd had before was gone. 'I didn't press you last night to tell me what happened that made us need to leave in such a hurry, but that doesn't mean that I can't tell that _something_ happened. That doesn't give you the right to snap at me.'

'And me snapping at you doesn't give you the right to choose how I deal with it,' he retorted, clicking his hook into place with probably a little more force than necessary.

Tink stood up from the bed. He finally met her eyes as she stepped around the bed and approached him. 'You don't need it,' she said again but this time she spoke more gently, and the sympathy that he saw on her face told him that yes, he needed it very much.

Forcing a deep breath, he pushed aside his anger. He wasn't angry at her, not really, but at himself, at whatever had caused this wretched curse that had given everybody their happy endings except for him. He knew that he had to stop trying to take it out on Tink but there was no one else that could know what he was going through, not truly.

And the look on her face told her that she'd understand. 'I kissed her,' he said heavily. 'She didn't remember.'

Speaking it aloud made it feel more real than it had before and he felt his shoulders slump in defeat. She didn't remember, it didn't work. Their love wasn't true.

'I know,' she said. 'Well, I guessed that was what happened,' she added quickly when he frowned at her. 'There had to be a reason for why you practically dragged me out of there last night.' She cocked her head to the side. 'Come on, I came up here to wake you up anyway. Neal's here, he wants to speak to us.'

'I don't particularly bloody care what Neal wants,' he grumbled, stepping into his boots anyway.

'Yeah, well, he deserves your anger just as much as I do, so I'd appreciate it if you could rein that in.'

He followed her down the stairs to the common room. It must have been late afternoon by now and the inn was having a lull before their lunch rush started, so Killian spotted Neal easily at one of the tables along the wall. He mumbled a greeting as he dropped onto the seat opposite Neal.

'Morning,' Neal said as Tink slid beside him, sounding way too chipper for Killian's taste. 'I heard that you'd probably wake with another killer hangover so I got you this.' He pushed the plate of food in front of him across the table, followed by a faintly steaming mug. 'And since it was me that asked for this instead of you, it won't taste as foul as the last one the cook sorted for you.'

Ignoring the faint rumbling in his stomach, Killian pushed aside the plate of food and picked up the mug, swiftly drinking almost half of it at once despite the burn to his mouth and throat. Neal was watching him when he lowered it. 'Now what the hell happened?'

There was no point in putting it off - as much as he wanted to throttle the man for being so close to his wife, he needed Neal's support. 'I kissed Emma,' he said, staring into the mug. The damn thing tasted as pleasant as a regular tea. 'She pushed me away and slapped me. Twice,' he said, grimacing.

The other two were silent for a few seconds, and there was certainly nothing more that Killian felt the need to add. Either Emma didn't love him, or his own heart was too darkened by his long past for him to have a chance at true love.

'Well I'm not _that_ surprised,' Neal said eventually, and Killian's eyes snapped up to his, anger immediately boiling inside him. He hadn't wanted their pity but he'd expected it at least a little, had expected their understanding and their support.

'What?' he said, his voice dropping low.

'I don't mean it like that,' Neal said, brushing it off like the insinuation was nothing. 'Hasn't Henry shown you his book?'

He could only mean his storybook full of the histories of the people of Storybrooke, that he adored so much. Killian frowned, rubbing at his forehead in an attempt to push his headache away, wondering what the hell this had to do with anything. 'Of course he has.'

'And have you read Mary Margaret and David's story?'

'I believe so,' Killian said. 'It's mostly all about how they found Regina and fought for each other, never gave up hope.'

Neal was looking at him like it was the most obvious thing in the world, and Tink didn't look much more helpful. 'What about when Snow White lost hope?' Tink said, clearly having caught on before he had. 'And she drank the potion that Rumpelstiltskin gave her to forget her Prince Charming? The love between those two is as pure as I've ever seen, and true love's kiss didn't work when David tried it _because Snow didn't remember him_. She couldn't love him if she didn't know who he was.'

Killian stiffened, his eyes flickering between Tink and Neal, neither of which looked surprised. For the first time since Emma had pushed him away, he started to feel hope. 'You mean... It didn't work because she doesn't remember, not because she doesn't love me?'

Tink's face softened. 'Is that really what you thought?'

What else was he supposed to think? 'Either that or my heart is too blackened to be worthy of true love's kiss,' he said, swallowing hard, his mind working quickly now to try and figure out what this could mean. 'You could have bloody said something,' he said to Neal.

Tink smiled sadly as she reached across the table to grasp his hand, and he let her take it and squeeze it gently. 'If he'd told you then you would have doubted it, and it wouldn't work if there was doubt in your heart but Killian, your heart is not unworthy. And she does love you - you know that I could see that. You just need to get her to fall in love with you.'

_That was all. _He couldn't stop the bitter laugh that slipped out of him, and ignored the confused look on Tink's face as she withdrew her hand. Just as things looked to turn in his favour - their love could be strong enough - it dipped right back down again. 'Of course,' he said, leaning back in his chair. 'It'll be a breeze to make Emma fall in love with me when she's in love and happily married to you,' he said, gesturing to Neal and scowling.

Neal sighed. 'Killian, we'll make it happen. She's chosen you over me before, remember?'

The twinge of guilt from that statement dug into his glumness, but he knew that they were long past having trouble between them because of _that_. 'It wasn't the same,' he said quietly. 'She wasn't married to you then. She didn't trust you, but she does now.'

'Perhaps not as much as you think,' Neal said slowly, and Killian frowned at him. 'She was up early this morning and working in the kitchens, which is something that she does normally sometimes anyway, but it's also something that she does when she needs to think. I asked her about last night and what she thought of you both, and she seemed... flustered? I don't know, but uncomfortable at least. And she certainly didn't tell me that you kissed her.'

'Why wouldn't she tell you?' Tink asked, the same thought in Killian's mind.

'Maybe she's trying to figure out what it meant,' Neal said, his eyes not leaving Killian's like he was imploring him to see the good in it. 'Even if it didn't work like you thought it would, maybe it sparked something in her that she wouldn't want to tell her husband about.'

'That's still a far cry short from true love,' he pointed out.

'Yes, but it's a start. She also suggested that the two of you come and stay at court. To save your coin, she said, even though it's the family's either way, but also so you'll be closer for us to spend time together. And knowing Emma, I'd say that she wanted a chance to better figure you out if you kissed her out of the blue.'

Killian sighed, downing the rest of the tea and then scrubbing his hand across his face. 'She shouldn't want anything to do with me.'

'Well you're lucky that she does,' Neal said. 'So I'd suggest that you quit feeling sorry for yourself and get your shit together, because you have a princess that you need to make her fall in love with you, and the more time you spend sulking in your misery the quicker this can be done with.'

'Neal,' Tink said reproachfully before Killian could speak, but Neal held up his hand to stop her.

'No, all right?' he said, looking firmly from Tink back to Killian. 'I have every right to want this done with as soon as possible. Knowing that the last few years of my life have been a lie is hard enough, but I need Emma's memories back so I can find out whether the little girl that I'm raising is actually my daughter or not. I need this curse broken so I can find my father and help him fix all the terror that he's been causing since he's been here. I know that this is hard for you, but you're not the only person that's suffering with this.' He turned his gaze, now more heated, to Tink. 'I need to rebuild my life. So can I please just take you to the castle so that we can be closer to breaking this curse and I can be free to live my life how I want to.'

Tink's cheeks flushed slightly and she dropped her gaze. 'There's not much to pack but I'll get our things,' she said quietly, sparing Killian the barest glance before she stood from her seat and headed to the stairway at the back of the common room.

Killian watched her go, unwilling to look back at Neal but when she vanished from sight he made himself meet the other man's eyes. 'I'm sorry,' he said. 'This isn't easy for any of us. I just really believed that it would work. To think that it didn't...'

Neal nodded his head slowly. 'I know. I'm sorry as well. I'd hoped that it would work somehow, but this isn't the end of it. I'll do whatever I can to bring the two of you together.'

After a few minutes Tink returned and Killian went to finalize their stay with Bran, the innkeeper. As he handed over the remainder of the payment he glanced back to where Neal and Tink sat together, wondering if Tink would get the happily ever after that she wanted.

And if he could go back to his.

**Review?**


	10. Chapter 10

**An: Sorry this chapter took a while to get up. I got distracted with a one shot and Christmas etc (I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays!)**

**Chapter Ten**

'Breathe, pirate.' Tink slapped him on the back in a way that he was sure he was supposed to think was encouraging but was a tad more forceful than truly necessary. 'It's only Emma. She's fallen in love with you before, just relax a bit, would you?'

Killian glared at her sideways as they followed Neal through the halls of the castle. The staff had organized rooms for them and they'd deposited their few belongings, and now were on their way to see Emma. To thank her for her kind suggestion, officially, but he would have taken any excuse to see her again, to just be in her presence.

And to apologize. His behaviour from the previous night was what was truly worrying him. There was no way that he wouldn't have tried true love's kiss, even if he'd known the unlikelihood of it working, but his failed attempt left him in an incredibly awkward situation with Emma. It was more than just the embarrassment that one would normally feel in such a situation - how could she trust a man who threw himself at his friend's wife? She'd made her disgust with him quite clear last night before he'd fled, and how was he supposed to work his way back from that?

The only thing that was settling his nerves even slightly was the knowledge that she hadn't told Neal about their kiss. Perhaps he had a chance after all.

'I feel like a bloody hero out of one of Belle's adventure books, come to woo the princess,' he grumbled.

Tink snorted in a rather unladylike manner and Neal glanced over his shoulder with a smirk, first to Tink then at him. 'You certainly don't look like one,' Tink said. 'I wondered if Princess Emma likes leather as much as saviour Emma does?'

Killian huffed, ignoring the slight. The tailor had had his final garments ready when they dropped in on the way to the castle, and the first thing Killian had done when he reached his new rooms had been to change into the more familiar clothing. The black leather pants and billowing shirt were almost identical to the style he'd preferred before he'd come to Storybrooke, but he'd chosen a few different colours as well as a black one, for variety.

'I won her over before, as a pirate. Why should this be any different?' He flashed them a grin full of confidence that he did not feel and ignored Tink's eye roll.

'At least we're actually here now,' Tink said. 'We have a lot to be grateful to Regina for. If she hadn't spared us then who knows what could have happened?'

'You can thank Regina all you like, as soon as you stop her from trying to kill us,' Neal said wryly, glancing over his shoulder again. After a moment his expression turned thoughtful and he paused for a moment, falling into step on his other side so the three of them walked abreast. 'What would your happy ending have been if you'd been brought back with us?' he asked Killian.

His happy ending? Killian laughed. 'I already had my happy ending, mate. All I need is my wife and Henry. What more could I ask for?'

_A daughter?_

_Shut up._

'There's nothing else you'd want for?' Neal asked cautiously, his expression almost unreadable. Almost.

Tink noticed as well. 'No curse can bring back the dead, Neal. Not without them losing what makes them who they are.'

Neal looked away quickly, clearing his throat. Killian shouldn't have been surprised that after all this time Baelfire still hurt for his mother, because he still missed her too. He knew he always would. He'd never truly be able to let go of Milah and Emma had never asked him to, just as he'd never asked her to stop wearing the shoelace around her wrist once he'd learnt who it had belonged to. 'Let's focus on the living for today,' he suggested quietly.

Neal nodded sharply and gestured to the wide double doors in front of them - the royal library. Normally Emma would assist Snow and David when they held court in the afternoons but some days she would retreat to the library instead; even her new, happier self found the benefit in solitude.

Killian followed Neal and Tink into the library, staring around in wonder. He'd seen castle libraries before but nothing so expansive. 'This is enormous,' Tink said, clearly sharing his thoughts.

Neal chuckled, his grey mood broken. 'This is just one room. I suppose that this is one of the pros of the curse, right? The ogres were never here and we didn't have to put any work into restoring the kingdom like we thought we would.' There were a few people in sight but none close enough to overhear them. Killian stepped further into the room, looking around and taking in the floor to ceiling shelves filled with books, this room alone filled with more volumes than he'd seen in his life. 'You just wait until you see the map room,' he told Killian with a grin.

Although his interest was definitely piqued, his mind was still back on the offhand comment that he'd made just before. 'Belle would have truly felt at home here,' he said quietly, running his thumb over the spine of a book. 'She told me about the library at your father's castle, but from what I've heard this one surely challenges that for size.' His hand clenched into a fist and he pulled away so as not to damage any of the books. He missed her, the sweet, lovely young thing who somehow had had a heart large enough to forgive him for shooting her and making her forget her true self. He'd mourned her before the curse had struck and while he'd been stuck in the hospital, but things had moved so quickly since then and he'd been so focused on finding Emma that he hadn't given the girl enough thought, and he felt ashamed. 'We didn't even have a chance to give her a proper funeral. I'm so sorry, Neal.'

He felt the other man's hand on his shoulder and turned back to them. 'There's nothing you could have done,' he said, just as he'd told him multiple times after the fact. 'We'll give her a proper goodbye once I get my father back.'

'I don't even know if her body came here with everything else,' Killian said, and the look on Tink's face said she knew no more than he did. 'None of the people that she meant the most to remember even her life, let alone her death. You lost a brother and nobody knows of it.'

'Which will change as soon as the curse is broken,' Neal pointed out. 'She's not going to blame us for not mourning her when she was magically erased from our memories. Belle would want us to fight for truth more than anything.'

'More than everyone's happy endings?' he asked bitterly.

'This isn't my father's happy ending. Not really.'

'But I think I know why he got it,' Tink piped up. Killian turned his body slightly to include her again. 'Yes, this curse has seemed to mostly give everyone their happy ending, but not quite for everyone. You've been happy with Emma until Killian woke you up, right? But before, and now that you remember, you don't actually want to be with her.'

The fairy was doing her best to look casual in her question but Killian noticed how her brow drew together slightly in anxiety and her lips twitched into an almost hopeful smile. He wondered if Neal noticed as well or if Tink had managed to speak to him about her feelings yet.

Neal's face gave away nothing except for an uncertainty of where she was going. 'That's right,' he said slowly. 'I'll always care for her, but she'd not the woman that I want to be with.'

Tink's cheeks coloured slightly but she kept her head up steadily. 'Exactly. But you'd want to be with Henry, and Emma would have wanted to be with Henry, so the two of you ended up together.'

'At least it didn't put me with Regina,' Neal joked, but sobered again quickly. 'I don't see what this has to do with my father.'

'I'm saying that maybe your father was different, too. He couldn't have his wife, so he was given the next best thing.'

Neal's face fell the smallest amount before his guard snapped up. 'Which wasn't me. Power and fear were more important.'

'And escape,' Tink said quickly, reaching out to grasp his arm. 'He's mostly been alone since you left him, hasn't he? Maybe he wanted to retreat into the familiar?'

Killian narrowed his eyes at her. 'What do you mean, "he wanted"? Do you think he had something to do with this curse?'

'He didn't do it,' Neal said, sounding more tired than affronted. Killian opened his mouth to point out that he did create the original one but Neal held his hand up to stop him. 'I'm not saying that it's not something that he would do, just that this isn't like him. Why would he make everybody happy and then make himself the enemy? If this was his doing, he'd have made everybody as miserable as he was. Better to see us suffer. He's reverted completely back to Rumpelstiltskin and our happiness would have made him sick.'

'Could it have been just a flaw in the magic?' Killian asked Tink. Who else would wish them harm?

She shrugged. 'It could have been anything. Honestly, I'm more interested in breaking it. We can figure out the rest then.'

Breaking the curse. Making Emma fall in love with him. Killian rubbed at the back of his neck, hesitating as the others moved further into the library. Neal glanced back at him, his smirk telling him that he guessed exactly where Killian's thoughts were. 'When was the last time that she was angry with you?' he asked.

Killian snorted. 'Every other day. However, I had the benefit of her knowing that she loved me to help with that. I'm afraid that this isn't so simple.'

'You mean you can't distract her with sex,' Tink said dryly.

'Which is a fantastic place to stop this conversation,' Neal said before Killian could reply. 'Come on, and let's hope that she'll give you a chance without you having to pull her into a bed.'

Killian followed him through the library, Tink by his side. There were several rooms as large as the first, filled with books and tapestries and other historical artifacts. He wondered how many of them were unexplainable due to the peoples' altered memories, and whether they had new stories for them or whether they were just forgotten. Was it just their recent histories that had changed, or did it go back further than that? Would events from fifty years ago alter their happiness now?

It would have altered his, if not for Emma. Until a few years ago, he'd given up his hope for happiness and had wished only for his death and the death of the man who had killed his Milah. If he'd been trapped in this curse then, would he have forgotten about her? Would he have forgotten Liam? He knew that his memory of them was ever fading, their faces slowly becoming fuzzy over their years and the sound of their voices muffled, but to not remember them at all...

He shook himself slightly. There was a time for remembrance, but like he'd said just before, they had to focus on the living.

Emma had a favoured place in the library, a small table nestled in an alcove that offered a little privacy from the rest of the library. She sat there now, sitting on the edge of her chair with her head bent over the desk, her fingers tracing the words quickly as she read. She looked up as they approached, surprise on her face before it smoothed into an easy smile. Killian saw straight through it. She looked tired, her skin pale with dark smudges under her eyes that hadn't been there the night before. She looked genuinely pleased to see Neal as she rose to her feet and planted a kiss to his cheek, but he didn't miss the haste with which she snapped her book shut and tucked it into the middle of the pile in front of her before she did so.

'You were gone awhile,' she said to Neal, keeping her eyes on him and barely acknowledging himself of Tink, but Killian could read the tension in her shoulders and the way she held herself to mean that she was very aware of them. He scratched idly at his beard, using the movement to hide his smirk. Her choice not to look at him only gave him a better opportunity to take her in.

And he'd never get tired of looking at her, separation or not. She was dressed a lot less glamorously today but no less beautiful, wearing a simple long sleeved dress that he was sure was just the everyday clothing for a princess but that the Emma Swan he knew would never have dared been seen in.

Neal smiled down at her, shrugging. 'We had a few errands to run in the city, and I've just shown Tink and Killian to their rooms.'

With no excuse not to acknowledge them now, Killian still wasn't surprised when she turned first to Tink, who smiled at her brightly. 'Thank you for your hospitality, Your Highness. Emma,' Tink corrected herself when Emma opened her mouth and Emma returned her smile.

'It's no trouble, I guarantee it,' Emma said, reaching out to take both of Tink's hands in her own. 'I'm looking forward to getting to know you.'

'And we, you,' Killian said, stepping forward and making her attention fall openly on him for the first time since they'd arrived. Emma's face was carefully guarded when she finally turned to him, but not anywhere near as guarded as it should have been. A person's experiences made them who they were, and even though she was quite clearly distrustful of him now, she wasn't as used to keeping her walls up as her true self was. Although she tried to hide it, he saw the hesitance in her eyes, the caution.

The curiosity.

After a moment she returned to her seat, turning her back on him in a way that was a dismissal if he'd ever seen one, but that curiosity encouraged him. 'I thought our guests would like to see some more of the library,' Neal said to Emma, who turned in her seat to smile at him, all traces of conflict gone from her expression. 'Would you like to join us?'

'Perhaps in a while,' Emma said, nodding toward first Tink and then himself before taking the top book from the pile in front of her and opening it to a page in the middle. She clearly had no interest in entertaining, and although Killian was determined to find the reason behind her curiosity for him, he was feeling a little on edge from her attitude.

'There's a section on the fairies of this world that you might find interesting,' Neal said to Tink, offering her his arm and the two of them started to step away. Killian hesitated, unsure of whether or not to follow. He knew he needed to talk to Emma alone, but the forcefulness of her rejection the previous night coupled with the magnitude of the task in front of him weighed at him suddenly. He was about to step after Neal and Tink when Tink threw a glare over her shoulder to him, nodding toward Emma with an expression on her face that he was sure meant that she'd come over and hit him if he didn't take the opportunity to speak to her.

He wasn't sure whether Emma was aware that he'd stayed behind or not, but her attention seemed to be completely back on the book in front of her. He took a moment to steady himself, taking a deep breath before stepping closer to the table.

It was only Emma.

She looked up at him as he seated himself across the small table from her, the small pile of books between them but low enough that he could see her quite clearly. Her brow rose slightly at him as she noticed him, before it drew down into a frown. 'You've little understanding of court etiquette don't you, Captain?' she asked, the dryness in her tone _almost _the same as the one he was familiar with.

Should he have asked her permission to sit? Feeling strangely encouraged by her words anyway, Killian flashed her a grin. 'I'm rather terrible at playing by the rules, milady, but I _am_ a gentleman.'

Her eyebrows shot up again and he felt his grin widen despite himself. She seemed more expressive without those guards around her emotions, and he had a feeling that he could use that to his advantage - if she let him in. 'Your actions so far show you in a different light,' she said, immediately pulling his mood down a notch. That wasn't quite contempt in her voice, but it didn't feel like it was too far off.

He had to work quickly, and even if time had been on his side, the expression on her face made his insides twist rather painfully. He couldn't bear for her to think of him like that, even if she didn't understand what was truly going on.

He wanted to drop his gaze, to look away from the disdain in her eyes - was that real, or was she exaggerating it? - but he made himself look right at her, into her as he silently pleaded with her to see into him. 'I'm here to apologize,' he told her seriously, all traces of humour gone from him. She seemed to notice, for her hands left the book in front of her and settled in her lap, turning her full attention to him. He wished that he could read her but she kept her expression neutral now, and he knew that she was making some sort of judgement on him. 'My behaviour last night was deplorable.'

'Why did you kiss me?' she asked him quickly, quietly, glancing around them before returning her eyes to him. He started at her bluntness - he'd had more that he'd been prepared to say about how atrocious his actions had been, but she went right to the thick of things.

He considered her for a few seconds before dropping his gaze to the table, sighing lightly. Did she still have her talent for telling a lie? He'd have to risk it. 'I'm not proud of my actions,' he told her softly. 'I feel uncomfortable in this realm. I have no good explanation for you, Emma, other than that it was a foolish act by a man who was not in his right mind at the time.'

She was silent until he looked up at her, and he found her eyes on him still, narrowed. 'Are you in your right mind now?'

Ignoring any slight that could have been taken from that, he offered her a small smile. 'As right as I can be,' he tried, but wasn't surprised when she didn't laugh.

He wasn't surprised when she rolled her eyes, but she seemed to be from the frown the immediately flawed her brow. Leaning forward in her seat, she studied him seriously. 'I don't trust you,' she said bluntly.

His mood slipped further. 'Emma -'

'No. I think you're going to cause trouble. I know almost nothing about your past with my husband, or why you're here, but since you rocked up he's been acting differently.' Her gaze hardened a little further, if that were possible. 'I gather you've figured out that I didn't tell him about what we did since he walked in here with such a big smile on his face, but that's only because I'm not going to bother him further with something that meant nothing to either of us. I'm hoping that you're not such a terrible friend as to try and do something that stupid again.'

Killian closed his eyes, giving himself a moment to sort through his thoughts. So many mixed feelings, but he tried to focus on the few good ones. It was harder than he'd imagined, with things like _meant nothing _echoing around his head.

'Neal doesn't have many people of his own,' Emma continued after a moment, and a lot of the anger had left her voice. 'Most of the friends he has are mine, and he's had to live a rather solitary life with us because of his father and Regina. For his sake, I'm glad that Tinkerbell and yourself are here, and that's the only reason why you're still here. The second that I tell him about what you tried to do, you would both be out on the streets, and I won't lie to him twice.' She leaned forward further and he looked up at her, feeling just as chastised as she intended, even if the situation wasn't quite as she understood. 'You'll forget what happened and not wish for it again. I know your type, Jones, and your charms will not work on me.'

_We'll see about that_. 'I don't intend for them to,' he said aloud, hoping she wouldn't catch the lie. 'I was hoping we could start afresh,' he said honestly, widening his eyes to implore her to believe that, at least. 'I would like to stay here awhile, to get to know yourself and your family. For Neal's sake,' he added quickly.

They watched each other, Killian trying to figure out what she was thinking. He'd always been able to read her so well and although she wasn't as used to hiding herself from people now, he had to remind himself that she wasn't the person that she used to be.

'Fine,' she snapped, then paused, took a deep breath. 'Very well,' she corrected, her voice calmer. 'I don't trust you, but I feel as though I should. We can start afresh. But I'm keeping my eye on you.'

He relaxed, feeling a weight lift from his shoulders. She still might be hesitant about him, but at least she was willing to give him a chance, and that was one step closer to making her fall in love with him.

He pushed away the thought of how much further he had to go.

Reaching out his hand over the table, he smiled at her warmly. 'Friends?'

She arched her eyebrow at him. 'You're pushing it already,' she warned him, but her lips twitched a little.

He raised his right back at her, smirking openly and keeping his arm outstretched. The Emma that he knew was as bad as he was, in that she could never back down from a challenge. Would she now react the same?

After a moment she placed her hand in his, her fingers wrapping around his and giving his hand a quick, short shake. 'Friends.'

He pushed down the idea of bringing her hand to his lips before it could truly form, knowing he shouldn't push his luck. Settling for a warm squeeze - gods, it felt good just to touch her, and screw the idea of kissing her hand, he wanted to pull her into his arms and just hold her, to feel her against him again - he reluctantly let her go and pulled his hand back, resting his arm on the table in front of him. 'What are you reading?' he asked, nodding to the pile of books in front of her.

'That's a quick change of subject.'

'I'm trying to get to know my new friend,' he said lightly, shrugging.

She hesitated for a moment before smoothing her hands over the open book in front of her. 'They're just stories,' she said awkwardly. 'I like to read. It helped me to distract myself when Regina held us prisoner.' She glanced back up at him. 'I assume Neal told you about that.'

'Aye, he did.' She offered him a small smile but he wasn't buying it. Leaning forward in his chair, he tilted his head toward the other books on the table. 'However, I wasn't asking about the book you were pretending to read, but rather the one that you tried to hide from us when we arrived.'

Sucking in her breath, Emma's eyes widened and she reached out to snatch the book from the pile but he was quicker, his hand closing over her wrist just tight enough not to hurt her. Using his hook, he knocked the top few books off the pile until he revealed the one that she'd been reading before they'd come. Grinning at her, he ignored - or tried to - the hot flush of her cheeks, whether it was in anger or embarrassment he was yet to find out. He kept his hand around her wrist and he was surprised that her free hand clutched at the table instead of trying to hit him. Again. Twisting the book around so he could read the title, his smile dropped into a frown of confusion as he read the words.

'Why wouldn't you want him to know that you're reading a history book?' he asked her, genuinely curious.

Sighing heavily, she relaxed herself in his grip. 'My son is restless,' she said, and he was about to point out that she was changing the subject but she continued quickly. 'He sees the strife that Regina and Rumpelstiltskin are causing and he's itching to be able to pull his weight, to share the burden that we ask of our people. It worries me so, that he wants to be at the forefront of the danger, but at the same time I am proud of him for I feel that same restlessness.' She smiled at him tightly. 'I gave up my right to rule and I don't regret it for a second, but I still feel my duty to my people to protect them, Killian.

'There is a lot of wisdom to be taken from history,' she said, gesturing at the book in front of him with her free hand. 'This kingdom has seen wars before, has dealt with villains just as dangerous as what we face now. I thought perhaps, that I could find an answer somewhere in these books, and since we're trying to convince Henry that just being seen to be in control is enough, I didn't want Henry to know that I... didn't necessarily agree with that.' He chuckled at that, and her smile stretched slightly before fading completely. 'It's been useless so far,' she said hopelessly. 'The only way to defeat magic seems to be by using magic, and we're already stretching the fairies to their limits as it is with defense. Aside from them, I don't think I could trust anybody else with it. Magic only begets darkness.'

Killian started, his shoulders tensing before his mind made sense of it. _She didn't know she could wield magic_. She'd used is so scarcely in Storybrooke that he hadn't even noticed the difference since he'd been here, and hadn't even thought to ask about it. It was no surprise that she believed most magic to be evil, since the majority of it that she would have experienced was from Regina and Rumpelstiltskin. He didn't blame her for that association.

Hopefully he could break the curse before she had a need to use her magic, or else he'd have to come up with a way to explain to her that she'd been able to do it all along, and it wouldn't darken her heart.

'We'll find a way to stop them,' he promised her.

'We?' she asked.

'Perhaps,' he said, leaning forward and winking at her. It was a risk, but his obnoxious flirting was part of what had won her over before, or so she'd reluctantly admitted one time. She could have pushed him away, could have told him that he needed to take the hint and stay away from her, but he hoped that her unhardened heart would see him as harmless.

She looked at him searchingly for a few seconds before she chuckled and he relaxed, grinning at her. 'Would you mind letting go of me, Captain?' she said dryly, looking pointedly at where he still grasped her wrist.

He held onto her a moment longer before withdrawing his hand, and when he did so she lifted her arm to her chest, rubbing her wrist gently with her other hand even though he knew he hadn't held her enough to cause her pain. It was only then that he noticed something else about her, something that made his breath catch in his throat.

She wasn't wearing the shoelace.

Last night her forearms had been hidden by the long gloves that she'd worn, and today they were covered by the long sleeves of her dress so he hadn't noticed before. But as her fingers caressed her wrist her sleeve was pushed out of the way and it was unadorned.

And why should she wear it? Graham had died in Storybrooke, and even if anyone still had a memory of the Huntsman now, Emma would have been married to Neal and had a son by the time Snow would have met him, so there would have been no room for him in her heart.

She'd told him a little of Graham, but a little had been all that she could manage. She hadn't had the chance to find out whether she loved the previous sheriff or not, but he'd been one of the first people who had fought for her in a long time and Killian understood how much that had meant to her. Graham deserved to be remembered.

This curse needed to be broken.

Emma was looking at him curiously, confused about his silence, but he was saved from having to find something to say when he spotted Neal and Tink walking toward them, a servant in tow. Emma followed his gaze and started slightly, but he was already tucking the history book underneath one of the fictitious volumes and received a secret smile of thanks before they both turned their attention to the others.

'Snow's finished holding court and has called a meeting of the council,' Neal said as they approached, and Emma stood immediately, smoothing her hands over her skirts as she did so. He grimaced at Killian in apology, apparently having already explained to Tink. 'You two are going to have to entertain yourselves for a while.'

Killian forced a laugh - despite his progress with Emma, the other revelations had left him with a bit to dwell on. 'I'm sure we can manage,' he said, lacing his voice with sarcasm for Neal's benefit.

The servant took his leave, his message delivered, but Killian's eyes were on Emma as she hesitated, with Neal waiting for her. She looked thoughtfully at Neal for a moment before turning to Tink. 'We will probably be kept past dinner, but you could join us for breakfast, if it pleases you. Both of you,' she added quickly, gesturing to Killian.

'Of course,' Killian responded, probably too quickly but he was past caring. He'd take any opportunity to see her, the more frequently the better if he was to have any chance of making her fall in love with him.

Emma and Neal said a quick goodbye and as soon as they disappeared down the main aisle of the library Killian slumped back into his seat, ignoring the quiet laughter as Tink took the chair that Emma had just vacated. 'Well?' she asked.

Rubbing his hand across his face to try and rid himself of some of the tension he was feeling, he then reached around to scratch the back of his head as he grinned at her ruefully. 'Well she didn't hit me this time,' he joked, and even though the effects of the curse were still really bothering him, Tink's bluntness eased his stress somewhat. 'Although, I don't think she'd quite ready for me to kiss her again just yet.'

'Progress is progress, Romeo,' Tink said cheerfully, shrugging her shoulders playfully.

She seemed in a rather good mood, he noticed. Stretching his shoulders, he leaned forward again. 'How much progress is progress of yours, darling?' he asked, waggling his eyebrows at her suggestively.

'Shut up,' she groaned, kicking his leg under the table, and the blush that rose to her cheeks was answer enough for him.

'I'm happy for you, Tink,' he told her, meaning every word.

'Yeah, well,' she said, shifting a little in her seat and dropping her eyes to the table. 'You know it's not really that easy, is it? Neal's married to Emma, or so everyone believes, but he knows how I feel.' A small smile played at her lips as she looked up at him again. 'But once everything's sorted we're going to give it a shot.'

'So I guess you'd rather I break this curse rather quickly, then?'

'Sure, why not?' she said dryly.

He shook his head, chuckling. 'In the meantime,' he said, pulling the history book from the pile in between them, 'we're going to try and find a non-magical way to defeat someone with magic.' Hopefully the curse would be broken before they'd need to find other ways to defeat Regina or Rumpelstiltskin, but his efforts would at least win him some regard from Emma. He leaned forward further, lowering his voice to a stage whisper. 'But you can't tell anyone, it's a secret.'

**AN: Look at that, a mostly non-angsty chapter! Enjoy that while it lasts (or not, because I know a lot of you live for the angst).**

**Let me know what you think, I love all your feedback!**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Sorry for the delay (again!) Here's a longer chapter to make up for it!**

**Chapter Eleven**

'You have got to be kidding me.' David tossed his half eaten bread roll onto his plate and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back in his chair and scowling at the man sitting across the table from him. 'Do you really expect us to believe this nonsense?'

Emma exchanged a grin with Snow. She was having a hard time believing the things Killian was telling them about the world he came from - this Land Without Magic - but she was enjoying the stories nonetheless. David, however, wasn't so easily convinced.

'He is actually telling the truth,' Tinkerbell said, keeping her eyes carefully on her breakfast. 'We didn't believe it ourselves when we first arrived there, but we could cook without fire or other natural heat, and talk to people on the other side of the world, and drive, ah, horseless carriages -'

'I believe that you could,' David said, nodding his head in apology for interrupting her. 'I don't, however, believe that you can do all of these things without magic.'

As amusing as David's disbelief was, Emma was inclined to agree with him. Killian had started to talk about things like motors and electricity and, as intrigued as she was, it was all a bit perplexing.

'I want to hear more about those airplanes,' Henry piped up. Emma smiled at him, knowing how strong his curiosity was for the unknown. To be able to fly...

Neal shifted in his seat beside her and cleared his throat, drawing Killian's attention to him. Killian hesitated for a moment before he inclined his head slightly in acknowledgement. 'Another time perhaps, lad.'

Henry was a clever boy and caught on quickly, looking from their guest to his parents. 'What's going on?' he said warily.

'There's been some trouble on our borders,' Neal said. 'The attacks are getting more frequent and we need to send more men. Your uncle David and I will be joining them for a few days to show our support.'

_Some trouble._ Emma suppressed a grimace at the words, finding them inadequate. A messenger had arrived from the eastern borders the previous afternoon, causing Snow to call her council of advisers. She'd gathered a strange collection of friends on her journeys but they each had their range of wisdom to share and Snow was more than open to guidance. After leaving Killian and Tinkerbell in the library, Emma and Neal had joined Snow, David and the others in the large council chambers.

_More frequent attacks_ meant an onslaught increased almost threefold and spread over a larger area. The armies were Regina's and Emma knew that she was taunting them, testing them. They'd been warding off her mocking raids for months now, wearing down the spirits of the men who defended their kingdom and they'd all agreed that sending someone to lift their hopes was as important as sending more men, even if it were only for a few days. Especially since David and Neal would happily fight alongside their men while they were there.

Henry's eyes lit up and Emma could practically see the idea as it formed. 'I could go with you,' he said eagerly.

She exchanged a glance with Neal. They'd anticipated this. 'Henry,' she began.

'Why not?' he said, straightening in his chair to emphasize his height. She had dreaded the day when it had succeeded her own. He certainly didn't look like a child anymore but he knew that she couldn't help but see him that way. 'You said it would only be a few days, so you won't even have to worry about me for that long. Dad and Uncle David will be there. What's the worst that could happen?'

'You know what the worst is,' Snow said, her voice a lot harder than her usual tone. When they'd discussed it yesterday evening she'd been sure that Snow would have encouraged Henry to go, if only to see a bit of the world and live rough for a few days, but she'd understood Emma's need to keep him close. Henry opened his mouth to no doubt argue the point but Snow held up her hand to stop him. He must have finally seen that he was dealing with his queen instead of his aunt for he closed it, albeit with obvious reluctance. 'It may be only for a few days and we may not be officially at war, but there is always danger, especially if Regina's men learn who you are before you return. David and your father are going not because they need their swords, but to give the men hope that we have faith in them. You will not find glory there. Your accompaniment would be excessive and I will not put my husband _and_ my heir at risk.'

Emma turned from where Snow sat beside her to see Henry's reaction but her eyes hesitated when they fell on their guests. Tinkerbell kept her eyes on her plate, trying to hide a smug smile. Killian was staring at her sister, eyes wide and eyebrows raised, looking more than a little impressed. Had he never seen a strong woman before? What had he heard about the Queen that her firmness surprised him so? His eyes turned to her and a smile spread across his face when he saw her assessing him, changing his face completely to warmth. She returned it quickly, turning her attention to her son.

Unfortunately, Henry wasn't quite so impressed. He respected Snow as much as he loved her, but he'd also been raised to stick up for himself. He'd never talk back to her in public if she was pulling rank, but from the confident look on his face he was going to hold his own at the moment. It was interesting, Emma realized, that he so easily considered Killian and Tinkerbell's presence as family, even though they did have a rather broad meaning of the term. 'With respect,' he said clearly, 'if the danger was so great then you wouldn't be sending the king. Nobles of my father's status or less would have the same effect of showing our personal support and gratitude.'

Snow narrowed her eyes at him shrewdly and without knowing exactly what was going through her head, Emma agreed with it. She loved this confidence in him, but she still remembered Henry as a child, running around the halls and causing a ruckus, not spouting politics to get his way.

David answered instead, leaning forward on his elbows to get a better view of Henry from across the table. 'As much as I am king, Snow is my queen and the ruler of this kingdom. If something were to happen to me it would not change the succession or rule of our land.'

'Politically,' Snow muttered, and Emma reached for her hand under the table. She might have approved David to go but she knew her sister hated to be parted from him for too long. Snow smiled at her tightly in understanding.

'Which brings me to my other point,' Henry continued, oblivious to their mood as a smirk crawled across his face. 'I'm not actually your heir anymore, remember? So my death wouldn't change anything either.'

Those simple, offhanded words stabbed at Emma's heart and she felt Snow's hand now squeezing hers tighter. For a child so smart... 'It's up to you, Emma,' she said quietly and Emma nodded in acknowledgement, staring at her plate. Until Henry's last words she'd considered retracting her refusal to let him go, and she knew that he was just trying to make fun, but that nonchalance had thrown her. She knew he still had that boyish disregard for danger if there was excitement to be had, and he always craved adventure.

Henry and Neal were speaking but she found herself unable to take in the words. Like Snow, she wanted to give him a chance to see some of the kingdom, even if it were only for a few days. It was true that he wasn't Snow's heir anymore now that they had James but he'd still be an important part of the court when it needed him, just like she was when it needed her. He was a man grown now, but to send him into a place where there was open fighting for the first time... She didn't think that it was wrong for her to feel hesitant.

Feeling eyes on her, she looked up and found Killian watching her. His brow was creased with what looked like worry and... empathy? He'd stopped eating as well, his hand clenched on the table. In a way that she couldn't explain, the concern on his face seemed to calm her. His lips twitched up in the corner into a small half smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, but somehow she felt reassured. His smile increased a little when she didn't immediately look away, and he gave her a tiny nod.

Neal would be there, and David. They would keep him safe for her, return him in one piece. And Henry deserved it really, after all of their refusals to send him into the fighting proper.

'All right,' she said quietly, interrupting Henry and finally looking away from Killian. 'You can go. But if you don't come back whole you're not going to live past your next birthday,' she added, trying and failing miserably to sound like she meant it.

Henry's face lit up and she felt guilty for almost denying him this. 'Really? You mean it?' He grinned at everyone at the table. 'When do we leave?'

'As soon as I finish my breakfast,' David said, picking up his roll again. Henry was up and running toward the door immediately.

'Essentials only!' Neal yelled over his shoulder.

'Yeah, yeah.' Emma huffed a laugh and returned to her breakfast, his obvious excitement eating away at her nervousness. She needed to finish eating quickly if she was going to be able to take Eva down to the harbour in time. 'Oh, good morning little princess. Quick, give me a hug, I'll not be seeing you for a few days.'

As though her thoughts had drew her, Emma turned in her seat to see that her daughter was indeed being swung around in a hug by her big brother. Seeing the two of them together had always brought an easy smile to her face. Eva had been blessed with a brother who cared so much for her.

And, she realized quickly as she watched them, Eva's plans were going to be ruined for the day.

About a year ago, Emma and Henry were touring the city and had ended up at the large harbour. She'd always loved the smell of the sea and it had been one of the things that had settled her more easily after she'd escaped Regina's grasp, her dark castle residing further inland. Just as they'd reached the harbour a ship had come into sight along the horizon and it had fascinated Eva to no end. As it had come closer Emma had been able to identify it a ship belonging to the royal fleet, _The Jewel of the Realm_, and it was indeed aptly named. She'd never known young girls to be so interested by a ship of all things, but even though she'd been barely two years old she'd remembered it and asked about it frequently. When it was in dock they visited it, the Captain letting them aboard to see the deck and below.

Emma was more than a little scared that she'd see her little girl sail off on it one day.

Today, _The Jewel of the Realm_ was due to leave port for a few months. Emma and Henry had promised Eva that they'd take her to see her off, and now Henry wouldn't be able to join them.

'She's going to be devastated that Henry can't come today,' she said to Neal under her breath, dreading pointing it out to Eva.

Neal was silent and after a moment she turned back in her seat to look at him. 'Are you sure that you should be going today?'

Frowning, Emma studied his face, trying to figure out what he meant. 'Why wouldn't we go?'

Snow made a sound from her other side and she twisted the other way. 'We're taking a reasonable amount of men with us today, Emma,' David said gently. 'The men that are remaining behind are stretched thinly enough across the grounds as it is, and we can't spare any more to act as an escort. If Henry to go with you that would be different, but just you and Eva...'

Emma stared at him, bewildered by his opinion and startled to see that same look on Snow and Neal's faces. Killian and Tinkerbell's were carefully blank. 'So you're telling me,' she said slowly, 'that you all trust Henry with his own safety but not me with mine?'

That revelation hurt her a lot more than she'd thought it would. But then, she'd never really considered it before.

'That's not what we meant,' Snow said quickly.

'It's different with Henry,' Neal said. 'We'll be there. We'll keep an eye on him.'

'It was you that agreed to him going,' David pointed out.

The way they were working against her bloomed a resentment inside of her that she'd never felt towards her family before. 'I might have made the decision just now, but if any of you truly disagreed with it, we all know that he wouldn't be going. Do you really think I can't take care of myself?'

'We know you can look after yourself,' Snow said. 'But can you look after yourself and Eva? On a busy street in the middle of the day?'

'I don't want to be worrying about you and Eva while we're away,' Neal said firmly. 'You shouldn't go until we get back.'

'Surely you can spare one man, if that's all that makes the difference to you,' she said, rolling her eyes in exasperation.

'Every man is accounted for.'

'If we wait until you return then we'll miss the ship.'

'Then you'll miss the ship.'

'Mama?'

Emma turned back again and was running toward Eva as soon as she saw her face, taking her from Granny's arms. Henry had disappeared to pack. 'Mama, you said we can go! You promised!' As she spoke the wobble in her voice increased and tears started to form in her eyes.

She looked up at Neal, who looked back at her regretfully and she knew she'd get no support from him. Yes, she'd normally have a guard or two with her if she left the castle alone, but she hadn't ever seen it as a necessity. Neal certainly had no trouble traipsing around the city by himself. 'Shh, sweetheart,' she said soothingly, dropping to her knees and standing Eva on the floor so her hands were free to smooth her daughter's face. 'We'll find out when they're due back and see them return.'

Her words only made it worse; Eva started crying loudly and trying to push her away. Instead Emma tightened her grip on her, wrapping her arms around her and holding her close despite her protests, sending a reproachful look at her family. She didn't care what they said, she decided. She didn't need anybody's permission to take her own daughter out for the morning and if they waited until the men had left then they wouldn't even know until they got back. Or at all, if she could convince Snow to silence afterwards.

Although, she was perhaps more upset with her sister than any of the others. After the life that she had lived, on the run from the Evil Queen for so long, she'd have thought an excursion to the harbour wouldn't have sounded too dangerous.

Eva had stopped fighting her but hadn't calmed her cries. Emma rubbed her back soothingly, trying to calm her down in time to say goodbye to the others, who surely only had a few minutes before they were due at the stables.

'Maybe you'll be able to see it leave from the tower?' Snow tried. Eva only cried harder. She'd never have thought that she'd raise a daughter to be so excited (or upset) about ships, especially one in particular, but then she'd never been able to explain the way that he smell of the ocean called to her, either.

'I could take you.' Emma's eyes snapped to Killian, who was staring at her daughter like her crying was painful for him. He jumped a little at his own words, then started to look flustered. 'I mean, I could escort yourself and... your daughter to the harbour, if you wish it.' He hesitated for a moment, looking to Neal cautiously. 'I'd like to see the harbour myself, if that's all right.'

'It's fine, thank you,' Emma said quickly before Neal could say something stupid. Eva had finally stopped sobbing, her head tilted and obviously listening carefully to their conversation.

Killian's face brightened slightly with her acceptance but he seemed tense, and kept his eyes on Neal, who was looking back at him thoughtfully. He glanced back to Eva and Emma could have sworn that that strange sadness was back in his eyes, even if it were hidden. 'It's only fair,' he said quietly, and Killian relaxed fully. 'Eva deserves a chance to go,' he added more loudly, grimacing at Emma in apology.

She didn't want it. Not right now. Instead she turned back to Killian, eyeing him as she came back to the table with Eva, settling her on her lap. She'd reluctantly decided yesterday to forget about his strange behaviour at the ball - _strange behaviour,_ because she refused to think of it as anything else. He confused her, and she had a feeling in her stomach that she needed to figure out why. She normally had a gift for reading people, especially for hunting out truth and lies, but Killian was somehow throwing her right off. When she'd asked him about the ki - his behaviour, for the first time that she could remember, she couldn't tell if he was lying.

The thing was, she wanted to believe him, wanted to trust him. She wasn't sure what his appearance in their life meant for Neal, but she had the feeling that he didn't mean any harm. Even if he was behaving strangely himself recently, Neal seemed to like that Killian was there.

Friends, he'd said. Friends would take a walk through the city together, right? She really hoped that he wasn't offering to join her in the hopes of another kiss - he'd seemed so genuine yesterday when he'd told her he just wanted to get to know her. Surely he wouldn't try anything with Eva there, anyway.

'Is everything all right?' Snow asked, and Emma realized that she was still staring at Killian. Giving himself a little shake, she forced a smile to Snow.

'It's fine,' she said. 'You should ready yourself to go, Captain,' she said to Killian. 'We'll have to leave in a few minutes or else we'll risk missing it, anyway.'

'Her,' he said with a smile, and she frowned at him, not understanding. 'We risk missing _her,_ anyway.'

'Her, Mama, not _it,_' Eva added, rolling her eyes. Emma couldn't help a laugh, despite wondering where she'd learned that look.

'I'll just fetch my coat and then we can be on our way,' Killian continued with a grin at Eva, excusing himself from the table.

'We'd best be off as well,' David said. 'We'll meet Henry at the stables.' He leant across to kiss Snow and Emma turned her head to give them a semblance of privacy. That left her facing Neal, who smiled at her faintly.

'You look after him,' she said firmly, not bothering to keep the annoyance out of her voice.

He nodded. 'Of course.' He came in to kiss her. She considered turning her head to show her frustration that he hadn't supported her, but didn't want to be that petty when she wasn't going to see him for a few days. Even so, she pulled back quickly, keeping the kiss brief.

'Goodbye,' she said shortly. 'Goodbye, David.'

David frowned at her, but left it be. After a few more goodbyes the two of them left the room, leaving Emma alone with Snow, Eva and Tinkerbell, who had been sitting quiet throughout the argue. 'You're welcome to join us if you like, Tinkerbell,' she said, hoping to sound as friendly as possible.

Tinkerbell smiled at her easily. 'You really can call me Tink,' she insisted. 'But I was hoping to find the Blue Fairy today and learn some more about the magic of this realm.'

'Perhaps next time.' She jostled Eva playfully on her lap. 'Looks like it's just you and me, darling, and Captain Jones.'

* * *

The streets of the city were in a healthy buzz, filled with people and wagons. They didn't keep to the main streets, Emma leading them through whichever way she deemed quickest. Their route was clearly a regular one for them since Eva was just as helpful with directions as her mother. She kept trying to jump and race forward but Emma kept her tethered with her hand tightly around hers. Killian couldn't keep the smile from his face as he watched them, still not quite believing how easily he'd managed to find some time to spend with them alone, not only his wife but Eva as well. Emma's carefree grin and Eva's frequent shouts of 'This way, Mister Captain!' were like a soothing balm to his soul after the stress he'd felt over the past few weeks.

They walked in silence for a little while, except for Eva's directions and occasional encouragement to walk quicker. Killian chuckled when Emma told her to stop trying to pull her arm off. 'She's quite excited, isn't she?' he commented.

Emma grinned at him. 'She always gets like this when we take her to see her ship.'

He raised an eyebrow at her. 'It's actually her ship?'

'Oh no,' Emma laughed. 'She wishes it were, but no. The ship belongs to Snow's Navy. She was really taken with it when she first saw it, and I thought that she'd forget about it since she's so young but I know Henry encourages it, too.' Her expression turned curious. 'What made you become a sailor?'

Even when she didn't know who she was, she still managed to dig into the deepest parts of him without knowing of it. 'My brother,' he told her after hesitating a moment. 'He was, before me, and I aspired to be like him.' He wanted to tell her more, to tell her that he'd been a lieutenant in the King's Navy himself a long time ago, in the hope to see even the slightest bit of surprise on her face. He wanted to impress her, he realized, now that he had the chance to win her over without his dark past hanging over his shoulders. That hadn't mattered to Emma before, once he'd shown himself redeemable, but he knew he couldn't tell Princess Emma about the pirate he'd once been.

'Did he stay behind in Neverland?' she asked him, bringing him out of his thoughts. 'Or in your Land Without Magic?'

After all this time, his heart still felt a little more hollow each time he thought of Liam. 'He died in Neverland,' he said quietly, hoping that she'd leave this conversation for another time. It was the truth, as far as he was concerned; Liam had been dead the moment the dreamshade had marked his skin, and everything from then on had been borrowed time.

He forced himself not to dwell on the darkness for now, knowing he had to saviour the time that he had with his girls -

- _his, like Emma saw him and loved him and knew herself to be his wife. His, like Eva was surely his daughter, like there was no doubt to her parentage -_

- while it lasted. He turned his head to see Emma frowning at him. 'I'm sorry,' she said awkwardly.

He shrugged half-heartedly. 'It was a long time ago, love.'

They fell into silence again for a few minutes, and although Killian tried his best to pay attention to where they were going, he found his attention quickly returning to the woman by his side and the girl on her hand. 'Will you tell me about Neverland?' Emma asked eventually, surprising herself as much as him from the look on her face.

'What do you want to know?'

'Anything.'

He considered his options quickly. He didn't want to tell them the full truth about that forsaken place, not when Eva was within earshot. She might be distracted with the idea of seeing her ship, but he'd noticed quite quickly just how observant the girl was. His heart had ached to see her so upset at breakfast, but he hadn't missed just how quickly she quietened and had watched him when he'd suggested a way for her to still get her way. Even if she wasn't openly listening, he didn't want to scare her with the truths about Pan and his Lost Boys. The poor girl would be frightened of her own shadow.

There was no way, however, that he was going to tell them about the farce that was Disney's version, so he settled on a midway point. He told her of the beauty of Neverland, the warm, sandy beaches and the clear waters, the dense forests and beautiful plants, the most gorgeous of which tended to be the most dangerous. He told her how he met Neal when he first reached the island but omitted most of those details, and of how he met Tink while he was searching for a way to leave.

Emma was quiet through his telling, aside from a question here and there. He made sure to tell her not to let Eva stand at the window and say "I believe", resting his hand on her shoulder and leaning in close to whisper the words in her ear so Eva wouldn't hear them. He laughed when she pushed him away and rolled her eyes at him, enjoying not just the brief closeness but her reaction to it as well; Princess Emma would be too elegant to roll her eyes like that. 'I'm telling you the truth,' he insisted, to which she laughed.

When he finished, however, her brow puckered slightly into a frown. He wished he could see her expression better but she kept her eyes ahead, or on Eva. 'Interesting,' she said quietly, and it seemed that she'd managed to build a few walls all of a sudden, even here, for he couldn't read her further than that.

'What is?' he asked, a flicker of dread sparking in his stomach. 'Has Neal told you differently?'

She turned to look at him properly, then, and immediately he wished he couldn't read her so well, after all. Her eyes were filled with a barely concealed hurt, the one thing he'd been wanting to avoid. 'Neal hasn't told me anything.'

He stopped walking, reaching out to touch her arm gently to guide her to do the same. She did so reluctantly, looking first at Eva then down the street and he knew they didn't have long but he needed to make her see. 'Neal had a very different experience in Neverland than I did, Emma,' he told her quietly. 'I went there willingly, but his journey there started with his father abandoning him for power. I wouldn't want to talk about that, either.'

Her eyes dropped to the ground and he wanted so much to reach out, to caress her face and bring it back up to look at him, to kiss away the creases on her brow. Instead he kept the space between them, satisfying himself with a grasp of her arm that he hoped was comforting. 'I'm angry at him for not believing in me before,' she said quietly, as though she were confiding in him with something he hadn't already known.

Well he was still able to read her that much. 'I know,' he told her. 'He's just trying to look out for you and Eva.'

'Yes, but he should trust me to walk through the city,' she grumbled, turning away from him and leading him down the street, idly hushing Eva's cries for haste. 'Thank you for coming, by the way,' she added, glancing at him sideways.

He grinned at her. 'You needn't thank me, love. You'd have gone with or without me.'

Starting slightly, she looked at him askance. 'How could you know that?'

'Open book, love,' he told her with a wink.

'Come on, come on,' Eva yelled, pulling on Emma's arm and dragging their attention back to her. She was practically dancing with excitement, and Killian couldn't help but hope that her obsession stemmed from a link between them. He knew the situation was more than awkward, but he was grateful to Neal for approving this time with her. _It was only fair._ And it was lucky for Neal that he had agreed so, because just like Emma, he'd have joined them anyway.

'It's not too far,' Emma told him with an indulgent smile at Eva. He'd been able to smell the salt of the sea for a little while now. The roads were busier, the buildings fewer but larger, and mostly made up of inns and taverns and shops. Stalls lined the edges of the street as well, which was not uncommon for areas like this in a city, and there was a bustle of people in a hurry, people having a stroll and a browse. It was noisy too, with men and women in conversation with each other, haggling prices, shop owners crying their wares. They had to slow their pace but he could see the people thinning toward the end of the street, where the area opened up to the harbour. Wary of getting separated, he kept as close to Emma as he could, brushing up against her a few times by accident, and was mildly surprised when all she gave him was an apologetic smile.

'Is it always this busy?' he asked, raising his voice slightly to be heard above the crowd.

'Yes, but just for this little bit, and this way's still the quickest,' she told him loudly. 'But look, that's it.' Raising her arm, she pointed through the crowd. 'That's her,' she corrected. '_The Jewel._'

'_The Jewel?_' he asked. He squinted, trying to better make out the masts that were now in view, searching for one grand enough to catch Eva's attention.

'Yeah. That one, there. Ah, you can't see properly from here, but she'd beautiful close up. _The Jewel of the Realm._'

It was a name that he hadn't heard for hundreds of years. He'd tried to forget it, along with the memories of the corrupt man he'd worked for while he sailed under his brother, but hearing it now sent a shiver through him, rooting his boots to the ground. _Surely, not... _His arm reached out of its own accord, his hand grabbing Emma's arm tightly and forcing her to a stop. 'Eva's ship is called _The_ _Jewel of the Realm_?'

She frowned at him, clearly wondering why he'd stopped when Eva was clearly in such a rush. 'Yes. Why is that important? Shh, Eva, just a second.'

He swore, rubbing at his face with the brace on his wrist as he tried to suppress the shock running through him and compose himself. 'That's my ship,' he said numbly, barely seeing Emma's eyes widen. '_The Jolly._'

'What? How can that be your ship? _The Jewel_ belongs to Snow.'

'No, no, no.' A possessiveness rose quickly inside him. Somehow, his ship had not only been brought over with the curse, but belonged to the royal family. Eva's favourite ship, when girls that age shouldn't care for ships. And someone was about to sail her away from him. Realizing how tightly he was still holding onto Emma's arm, he let go of it quickly. 'She's _The Jolly Roger_, and she belongs to me.'

Turning away from her, he started to push his way through the crowd, but found his way even slower as he tried to force his way through, the people oblivious to his need. He could hear Emma shouting his name but for the first time that he could remember he tried to block her out. Her family might not trust her to look after herself but he did, he knew she'd be fine for just a few minutes, she didn't need him right now but _his ship was there, about to leave!_

'Killian? Damn it, Killian, where are you going? What - Killian! Ki- Eva, Eva, no, wait, _wait!'_

He might have been able to pretend to ignore her crying out his name, but he couldn't disregard the desperation in her tone when she yelled for her daughter. He stumbled as his body froze at the same time as his mind did, turning back toward Emma. A brightly clothed, dark haired blur darted past him before he could realize that it was Eva, yelling something about needing to see the ship, and disappeared into the crowd before he could grab her.

Suddenly his thoughts sped up, making up for lost time as panic started to fill his chest. Emma reached him just as he figured out how to move again and then the two of them were running through the crowd, forcing people aside more violently than before, both of them screaming for Eva. His eyes swept over everything, paying little attention to the people in his way as he searched for her, eyes downward to find the small girl. The space to where the street opened up into the harbour, which had seemed so short just minutes ago, now seemed like the longest distance he'd ever faced.

There was a tug on his left arm and he looked down quickly, hoping that he'd missed her somehow and that she'd found him, but instead Emma's hand had closed tightly around his hook and was helping pull him forward. He knew it was just to keep them from getting separated as well, but he tried to draw a little comfort from it. It didn't work.

'Would she try and get on the ship?' he asked loudly. She froze, then turned to look at him quickly, panic filling her eyes. Swearing with a vehemence that would have made the old Emma blush, she hastened her pace.

Finally, finally the crowd started to thin as they reached the end of the street and they broke into a run, Killian needing no assistance in finding the ship Eva was looking for. She stood as proud as the day he'd first seen her, with the same lettering painted into the wood, a ship far too majestic for the pirate that he was. His eyes swept quickly across the docks, trying to find a child amongst the people there. They were mostly sailors and merchants, mostly men and a few children, none of them well dressed girls. _The Jolly_ was docked a hundred or so paces away from them, a group of people nearby her, most likely family members of the sailors about to set off. She couldn't be aboard so quickly, surely? Someone would have seen her and stopped her... Perhaps she _could_ be there by now, her smaller body making way through the crowd quicker than them.

It didn't matter who's daughter she was, he realized as he ran. He didn't care. A week ago he hadn't even known that she'd existed but he was not ready to let go of her now. He couldn't lose her, he couldn't let Emma lose her daughter.

They were almost there, but the ship was clearly seconds away from leaving. Dockhands were loosening the ropes that held _The Jolly _to the dock. Emma's hand dropped his hook as she pushed herself harder, pulling out in front of him. 'Wait, wait, wait! Eva! My daughter, please!' Her voice broke as she shouted, breaking Killian's heart along with it. _No._

Somebody stepped into his way and he twisted to avoid him but only managed to barrel them both over, landing together in a mess of limbs on the hard wood of the dock. Growling a curse, he forced himself to his feet as quickly as he could, resenting the wasted seconds and glancing around quickly to get his bearings.

The ship was still there and he took a step towards it but then did a double take, his head twisting around so quickly that he felt it crick. He'd seen it, he swore he had, the soft blue of her dress. He hesitated, unsure of what he'd seen and wondering if he shouldn't be still running for the ship, but then the crowd parted briefly and she was there, standing on the edge of the dock on the other side of the crowd that were watching _The Jolly_, and he was moving before he'd even thought of it, running quicker than he had in his life, reaching Emma just as she neared the ship. Grabbing her wrist, he dragged her past the ship, ignoring her protests. 'Eva,' he cried out, his voice full of a fear and relief that he couldn't stop.

'Killian, I need to - oh God, Eva!' She finally saw her and rushed forward, pushing the last few people aside. Eva looked up at them just as they reached her, a huge grin on her face as Emma crashed to her knees before her. Her excitement turned to surprise and then her face disappeared altogether as Emma pressed her head to her chest, wrapping her arms around her possessively and pressing her face against her hair.

Now that they knew that Eva was safe, Killian looked back up to _The Jolly_. The ship was just casting off, slowly moving away from the dock. He needed to stop her, could still reach the rope ladder hanging over the side if he could jump far enough. Even if they broke the curse, there was no guarantee that she would return anytime soon, and he'd managed to hold onto her for three hundred years. He couldn't let her go.

But he did.

Taking a deep breath, he turned away quickly, turning his back on the one thing that had stuck with him throughout his long, miserable life. His ship and his hook - it was who he was.

Who he had been. The two ladies in front of him were who he was, now.

Eva seemed to realize that_ The Jolly _was leaving, for she started struggling harder. 'Mama, let me see.'

The annoyance in her voice almost made him laugh but he held it back, fearing that he'd sound a little hysterical. Emma didn't move, which caused Eva to whine more loudly. Kneeling down beside them, Killian lowered his hand gently onto Emma's shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly, wanting nothing more than to wrap his arms around them as tightly as he could and never let them go. 'It's all right, love,' he said quietly.

Reluctantly, she loosened her grip, but only enough that Eva could turn around to watch _The Jolly_ sail away. One arm stayed around her stomach and the other around her chest, keeping her tightly against her. She didn't protest his hand on her shoulder so he kept it there firmly, and after a minute or so he realized she was shaking and adjusted his grip so that his arm was around her in an almost embrace.

When Pan had taken Henry in Neverland, he'd seen her angry. He'd seen her frustrated, furious even uncertain, but her walls had been too high to let anything deeper than that show. He'd never seen her scared, not like this.

He'd never thought that he'd feel it, too.

'You've got her, love,' he told her soothingly, wishing he could comfort her like she needed.

She nodded stiffly, not taking her eyes off of Eva. 'I know,' she said, her voice wobbly. 'I just need a minute.'

They stayed like that, the three of them on the ground with their arms wrapped around each other. Eventually it faded away far enough into the distance that the glare from the sun made it hard to see and the people around them started to dissipate. Killian ignored their curious looks, his whole attention focused on the woman in his arms and the girl in hers.

As soon as Eva's interest faded the barest amount, Emma spun her back around so she was facing them. Killian saw the rising anger on her face and withdrew his arm, not wanting to interfere. Eva's grin slipped off her face with almost comical speed as soon as Emma started talking. '_What did you think you were doing?_ You can't just run off like that, Eva! We're not in the castle where there's about fifty people waiting to look after you. All of these people are strangers, they don't know who you are. What would happen to you if you got lost?'

Eva kept trying to look at the ground but Emma's fingers wrapped around her chin, keeping her head upright. 'I didn't want to miss the ship,' she mumbled, her voice barely audible.

Emma sighed, shaking her head in exasperation before pulling Eva into a proper hug again. 'Just don't do it again, all right?'

Killian stood up and turned away from them, feeling a little overwhelmed by the emotions churning in his stomach. He hadn't anticipated the fear and worry that would come along with this possibility of fatherhood, and he couldn't even act on it like Emma could. Couldn't squeeze her tightly against him to remind himself that she was indeed there. Couldn't yell at her for nearly scaring the life out of him. _She might not even be your child_, that terrible voice in the back of him mind screamed, but he blocked it out as best as he could. _I want her to be._

He wanted this family, this life. He wanted it back.

A hand pressed against his shoulder and he turned his head to see Emma watching him. He hadn't even heard her stand. She was holding Eva against her hip, one arm wrapped around her. 'Thank you,' she said solemnly. He hated himself for pretending not to notice how red her eyes were. 'Are you all right?'

She was worried about him? He rubbed his hand across his face in an effort to hide, well, everything. 'I just really, really need a drink,' he told her honestly, peeking over his fingers to see the tiniest smile on her face, worn though it was.

He suggested returning to the castle but Emma wouldn't have it, complaining that she hadn't come all this way to spend thirty seconds here, so he followed them closely as she gave him a quick tour of the harbour and the surrounding shops. There were a few that Eva recognized, some that sold sweets and one that sold puppets and dolls. Eva quickly found her favourite one and reached down to get a better look, almost falling out of Emma's arms as she wriggled. 'Can I have it?'

'You've just gotten a new one,' Emma reminded her.

Feeling the need to contribute in any small way that he could, Killian quickly pulled his purse from his belt. 'How much is it?' he asked the shopkeeper.

'You don't have to do that,' Emma protested, surprise clear on her face.

'Of course I do,' he said, winking dramatically at Eva, who looked overjoyed, and he'd have bought the whole shop to see that smile every day. 'I hear someone has a birthday coming up soon.'

As it neared noon they stopped at a tavern for something to eat, but neither Killian or Emma did much more than pick at their food. The first tankard of ale went down much too easily for both of them, however, and Killian made an effort after that to watch himself for Eva's sake. Emma was still clearly shaken up, for she wouldn't let Eva move off of her lap. After a while of silence Killian could feel her eyes on him and looked up to meet her gaze. She held it for a few seconds before her expression softened. 'I'd really appreciate it if you didn't mention this to any of the family,' she said quietly, clearly embarrassed. 'Especially after this morning.'

He just nodded, swirling his drink around in his tankard. 'Of course. It's not your fault, you know.'

Her eyes fell to the table. 'I'm her mother. Anything that happens to her is my fault.'

'You can't help that she's quick, or that she was excited,' he insisted. 'Didn't Henry do anything like this as a child?'

She didn't look up at him, but she did frown slightly. 'I don't remember.' She fell quiet again, though Killian could tell that something was working hard in her mind, that she had something more that she wanted to say. 'Killian... You said that was your ship.'

Now it was his turn to look again. Eva seemed distracted enough with her new toy to not notice what they were talking about. 'Aye,' he said hesitantly.

'_The Jewel of the Realm_ belongs to Snow.'

'She belongs to me,' he said immediately, his voice rougher than he'd have wished. He raised his eyes to look at her, expecting her to look hurt from his outburst but she just looked confused. 'She used to belong to me,' he corrected reluctantly. 'In Neverland.'

She watched him almost cautiously, and he dreaded her next question. 'You called her _The Jolly Roger._'

'Aye. That's her name.'

'The Jolly Roger is the flag that pirates sail under,' she said slowly.

He straightened slightly, staring back at her defiantly. He'd wanted to keep this part of himself from her, just for a while, but yet again, she found her way to the things he wanted to keep hidden. 'Aye,' he said again, simply.

Her gaze dropped to Eva, who was playing with her doll obliviously. 'I see.'

He didn't want to have to defend himself - had never felt the need to, before now. He was who he was at that was that, but he was trying to make Emma trust him, and for the first time he felt like he needed to explain himself. 'My brother Liam was my captain, and we were enlisted in the King's Navy,' he said, keeping his voice low in case Eva started to pay attention. 'He was searching for a weapon deadly enough to commit genocide, and send us unknowingly after it. Our journey resulted in my brother's death, and I vowed never to follow the orders of a man so corrupt. I had more honour than that.'

They watched each other for a few seconds, each trying to gauge the other. Eventually Emma nodded. 'All right,' she said, offering him a smile and he felt himself relax. 'When she returns, we'll get her back for you. Come, let's head back to the castle.'

She lifted Eva into her arms and he stared after her as she headed toward the door, stunned. She'd accepted him so easily, after everything he'd done and told her to make her not trust him? At the door she turned back to him, clearly waiting impatiently, and he shook the surprise away, following after her like he always would.

This time Emma led them a different way, through quieter streets, and Killian had the feeling that she was still nervous about what had almost happened with Eva. She still carried her in her arms, Eva's head resting on her shoulder and her eyes drooping slightly. He didn't really blame her for not wanting to let her go.

He could tell when her arms started to get tired, however, and their longer route meant that they were still quite a ways from the castle proper. She shifted Eva awkwardly from one hip to the other, shaking out her free arm as she did so.

'She's getting heavier every day,' she said by way of explanation when she noticed Killian's questioning look.

'I can imagine,' he said lightly, and she narrowed her eyes at him.

'I'm not putting her down,' she snapped, then blinked like she was surprised at herself. Taking a deep breath, she forced a smile. 'Look, she's tired anyway, she'll likely fall asleep any minute.'

'I never said you should put her down,' he said. 'I was, however, going to suggest that you still give your arms a rest, and I can carry her for a while.'

Emma stopped walking but didn't move closer to him, and he wondered whether she was bothered by the pirate thing after all. 'All right,' she said slowly, surprising him yet again.

He hadn't really thought that she'd agree, that she'd be too stubborn to let him think her weak, but apparently Princess Emma wasn't above accepting help. He reached out quickly, before she could change her mind. Eva barely reacted as Killian wrapped his left arm around her, keeping his hook carefully out of the way while his right hand steadied her back. She burrowed her head against his neck, sighing deeply and he almost felt his heart stop, then swell so quickly he thought it might burst.

'Are you all right?' Emma asked him dubiously, and he schooled his expression.

'Fine,' he said, nodding for her to continue leading the way.

He barely noticed the streets that they passed or the people on them, and certainly not which way they went. He tried to pay attention to Emma and responded to her when she spoke to him, but probably managed only barely. He couldn't keep his attention off of the little girl in his arms, telling himself that he only held her so tightly to not drop her.

His breath caught when he felt a tug at his necklace, and his chest tightened unbearably when he looked down and saw that her tiny hand was pressed against his chest, closed around his wedding ring.

**AN: So I decided that Killian wears his wedding ring on his necklace because he can't wear it on his left hand and doesn't want to substitute it with his right.**

**Thanks, again, for everybody who supports this fic, I appreciate it all so much :)**

**Review?**


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